but it was a shaken whisper.
‘How can I not?’
She should have struggled.
Of course she should have struggled. She didn’t want this man to kiss her.
She mustn’t let him kiss her. To rekindle what had once been…
But she was so tired. The part of her brain that was used for logic had simply switched off, stopped with its working out of what she should do, what was wise, what the best path was to the future.
All she knew was that Cal’s closeness, the feel of his hands on her body, the sensation of his mouth lowering onto hers, was transporting her into another space.
Another time?
Five years ago.
She knew this man. She’d fallen in love with Cal Jamieson the first time he’d smiled at her. She’d told herself it was crazy, that love at first sight was ridiculous, that she wasn’t even divorced yet—but it had made no difference at all.
This was her man. Her home. He was the Adam to her Eve, the other half of her whole, her completeness.
Six, seven years ago Paul had walked away from their marriage because he’d sensed that there had been something more. She’d been devastated. She hadn’t understood.
And then she’d met Cal and all had become clear.
Paul had been right. That it had gone so horribly wrong for them both hadn’t been Paul’s fault. He’d gone in search of something he’d sensed had been out there. He’d been injured before he’d found it, but Gina had found it here.
Cal.
She was holding him tight. Tighter.
What was it between them? She didn’t know. Pure, uncomplicated lust? There was certainly that, she thought. Her body was reacting to his as if there was some switch that sent heat surging in a way she hadn’t felt for five long years.
He made her feel…
What?
Who was asking for explanations? Why waste this moment? She surely wasn’t going to.
Her lips opened to his and she hadn’t wanted to be kissed—or she was almost sure she hadn’t wanted to be kissed—but she was numb and past rational thought and she was wet and his body was so close and their clothes were soaked, so soaked that they might as well not have existed, and his hands were wonderful and she could taste him and she was sinking against him and…
And he was her Cal.
The heat was overpowering. She was melting inside, turning to liquid jelly as wave after wave of pure hot longing surged through her body. She was responding to him with every nerve ending she had, from the tips of her ears to the tips of her toes. The waves were washing against them and at times they were up to their necks in the water, but it made it more wonderful. It didn’t take away the heat.
Nothing could take away this heat.
‘Gina…’
He was holding her close. Closer. She was merging into him under the water, her body curling against him as if two melting objects were merging into one. Her lips widened, her tongue was searching…She wanted this man so much.
The kiss deepened, lengthened, strengthened, and with it came a strengthening of the bond that had been forged five years ago. It was a bond she’d thought she’d broken but she knew now that she never could.
This man was her son’s father.
This man was her love.
But he didn’t know it. Not as she wanted him to know it, in a glorious acknowledgement that they could be a family.
‘You’re beautiful,’ he managed in a voice that was husky with passion. She’d drawn away as a wave had crashed against them but he’d tugged her back into him again and she had no power to resist.
‘You’re not so bad yourself,’ she whispered, before his mouth lowered again. She even managed a shaken laugh. ‘A bit soggy…’
‘Soggy’s good. Soggy’s great.’
‘Shut up and kiss me, Cal.’
‘Yes, ma’am.’
What was she doing? she wondered in the tiny fraction of her brain available for such thought. But she knew very well what she was doing. She was taking what was offered right now because this moment was all she had. Even if Cal wanted to forge something from now on, there was no way he was offering himself. He’d hold himself independent, regardless. He’d drilled that hard lesson into his heart and he intended to stay that way.
But just for now, just for this minute, she told herself desperately, there was no such thing as independence. Cal was a part of her and she’d take what comfort she could before she moved on.
Tomorrow.
For some reason the word slammed through her tired brain, smashing against the love and the heat and the joy, and she felt her body shudder. He felt it, as he’d feel a wave crashing against them, and he drew away again, holding her at arm’s length and looking at her in concern.
‘What is it, my love?’
Doctor picking up pieces, she thought dully. Then not knowing what to do with them. Cal would always act with honour. He was so kind, so caring…
He just couldn’t take the next step.
‘I’m not your love,’ she said, in a voice that was none too steady.
‘I’ve loved you from the first time we met.’
‘Have you?’
‘Of course I have.’
But the bubble had burst. Reality was slamming back and with it a kind of sense.
‘Then what, Cal?’ she said, knowing exactly where this was headed. ‘What? If you do indeed love me, then what? Do you want us to stay together?’
His face shuttered. ‘Don’t, Gina,’ he whispered. ‘Not yet. I can’t. Just let’s take this moment.’
‘Like we did five years ago? That ended up with CJ.’
Where had that come from? She hadn’t wanted to say it. This moment could well be all she had, and to spoil it…
But desire was being replaced by an anger that couldn’t be ignored.
‘I’m not suggesting we go to bed,’ he told her, and her anger grew.
‘Good. Neither am I.’
‘We have to figure something out.’
This was ridiculous. They were chest-deep in water, discussing their future. Or their lack of a future. The waves were washing in and out,
