in these reports of yours?” he demanded, his voice deep with affront.
“I said no, Asad.”
“Then why ask the question at all?”
“I needed the words.”
Asad shut his mouth and stared for several long seconds, and then nodded. “Hakim said you did.”
“Hakim knew I entertained brief doubts about your motivation for bringing me to Kadar?” she asked in confusion.
“Hakim believes I should tell you my true motivation for arranging for your visit to my home.”
“We’ve already discussed this.” Hadn’t they?
“I wanted to help your career. You believe I wanted you in my bed again.”
“You did.”
“I wanted more, though I did not realize it at first. I want so much more.” His face was flushed and it wasn’t from the heat of the water. “I … six years ago I made the biggest mistake of my life walking away from you. I compounded it by marrying Badra, but you must believe I never stopped loving you.”
“You loved me?” she asked faintly, so shocked she could barely breathe.
“Yes, but I was a fool and I did not realize it. I had a plan stuck in my head and I did not know how to let it go.”
“You loved me,” she said again, this time with a tinge of wonder.
“I did. I do.” He surged across the pool in totally uncool urgency and grabbed her shoulders, his eyes intent. “So much. How could I not realize it? But I did not. I know now, though. Surely that counts for something.”
“Yes, yes … I think it does.”
“I hurt you.”
“You nearly destroyed me.”
“But you were strong … you are strong, so much stronger than I. I don’t think I will survive if you turn me away now.”
“What do you want?” she asked quietly, hope burning bright in her heart. “Spell it out for me.”
Don’t let her be making castles in the air again.
“A mother for my daughter. A lady for my people. A wife for myself.”
“Are you asking me to marry you?” she asked in choked astonishment, needing to be absolutely certain they were talking about the same thing.
Without answering, he pulled her out of the pool in silence. Drying them both, he wrapped her in one of the thick Turkish robes, and then, wearing a towel tied round his own hips, he dropped to one knee.
He met her gaze, his own so intent, she could drown in it. “Will you join your life with mine, until the sands are blown completely from the desert?”
That was a long time, a really, really, really long time. She wanted to answer, but her heart was in her throat … or at least that’s what it felt like and she couldn’t get even a single word out.
“Why … why … I need to tell you why,” he said urgently. Though hadn’t he already said? She wouldn’t mind hearing it again, just to be sure … to know she hadn’t been hallucinating. Right? “Because you are truly my aziz, my beloved. I loved you six years ago, but was too foolish to acknowledge it. I love you still. I caused us both great grief with my pride and stupidity, but I have taken no other woman to my bed since the month after Nawar was born.”
“You’ve been celibate for the past four years?” she gasped in total shock, the words exploding from her without thought.
He nodded, no embarrassment at the admission in his features. “I only had sex with my wife a handful of times before that.”
“But why?”
“You were my heart.” He averted his gaze, but then brought it back to her, determination burning there. “I told myself sex just wasn’t working because I didn’t trust women after the way Badra deceived me, but I’m the one that messed me up. Not her. Yes, she manipulated me, but only because I made it possible. Because I left you when I should have stayed forever.”
“You didn’t realize.”
“I would not admit it to myself, but it was you I wanted when I got my divorce from Badra—and then after she died, it was you I was waiting to claim when the prescribed time for grieving was over.”
And he’d hidden it all from himself because he was really bad at admitting what he needed. Maybe because he’d spent a lifetime hiding from the fact he’d needed his parents but they’d chosen to be elsewhere. She didn’t know if he’d ever come to see that, but she would make sure from now on that he didn’t go without the love he needed from her.
Not ever again. She wasn’t ever going to give up on him again, not like she had six years ago.
It was time she admitted that. “I let you go. I didn’t fight for you … for us.”
“I didn’t give you the chance.”
“You walked away. I could have walked after you, but I chose to go home and lick my wounds. I was too used to not getting love from the people I needed it most from. I’m never going to be that tolerant again.”
“Good,” he said fervently.
She brushed tears from her cheeks. “You really do love me.”
“With all that I am. Despite my pride, blindness and outright stupidity, God has seen fit to grant us a second chance. Will you take it?”
“Yes,” she gasped out as she fell to her knees with him and kissed him all over his face. “I love you, too. So much. I thought I would die when you left six years ago. I didn’t want to go back to the States after my survey. I only wanted to stay here with you and your daughter.”
“We will never again be parted.”
“My job …”
He stilled. “There are other options for a geologist.”
“Yes.”
“You would consider them?”
“Of course. I don’t want to be away from you and Nawar any more than you want me gone.”
“You are too perfect for me.”
“We are perfect for each other.”
“I will love you until the stars no longer grace the sky.”
“Show me.”
And he did. Magnificently.
IRIS learned that Asad
