trembling breath.
‘No. Jackson. Wait.’
‘What is it?’
‘I—I don’t know, but I can’t— I’m not ready.’
‘We’re both ready. This has been waiting for us.’
‘No, please—’
‘Freya—’
‘Let me go.’
‘But I—’
‘Let me go, please.’
She felt a fierce tremor go through him and for a moment she thought he would refuse. But then he dropped his hands and stepped back. He was breathing heavily, and she had the feeling that he was fighting for control.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mean this to happen. But I’m not sure— I need more time.’
‘All right,’ he said in a rasping voice. ‘Don’t worry. I’m going.’
‘Jackson, I’m really sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry,’ he said. ‘There’s still a lot we don’t know about ourselves and each other. We’ll have time to find out and then—then will be the time for you to make your decision. I’ll be waiting for you, and I know you’ll come to me. Goodnight.’
She was left looking at the closed door, shaking with the ferocity of her own reaction and the struggle within herself.
She had wanted what was happening. Her whole self had seemed to cry yes. But without warning everything had gone into reverse. Yes had become no.
And the reason, deny it as she might, was fear. Jackson had said there was still a lot they didn’t know. He was right. And one thing she didn’t know was whether she could risk falling in love again after the first disaster.
Coward, she told herself scornfully. You keep telling yourself that you weren’t really in love with Dan. And you weren’t. You know that now.
But she’d believed she was at the time. The devastation had been terrible, and too little time had passed for her to recover her courage.
And courage mattered. Instinct told her that it would need every scrap of daring she could find to love Jackson. And just now she wasn’t sure she wanted to take the risk.
He’d known how uncertain things were between them, but only she understood how uncertain they might always be.
‘I’ll be waiting for you, and I know you’ll come to me.’
The memory of those words almost made her cry out in anger and frustration.
How certain he was that her decision would be the one he wanted. Before she even knew it herself.
She wouldn’t allow herself to think tonight. She lay down, seeking the release of sleep, but it was denied. Her mind was in turmoil, and after tossing and turning for half an hour she sat up, realising that there were raised voices coming from Amos and Janine’s room next door.
She went out. The voices were sharper, revealing that a row was going on.
She heard Amos snap, ‘You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.’
Then he came storming out and stomped away down the corridor without seeing Freya. Quickly she knocked on the door, which Janine opened, standing back to usher her in.
‘Mum, what’s happened? What are you rowing about?’
‘The way he’s behaved to you.’
‘You mean that business with Dan? Don’t worry, that’s history.’
‘It’s not just that. You’d think he’d learn his lesson about interfering in other people’s lives, but no. Not him. He’s still trying to marry you off to Jackson.’
‘What? Surely not?’
‘That’s why he got you out here.’
‘But he was poorly...he needed looking after— Oh, no! Tell me what I’m thinking is wrong. He couldn’t— He didn’t—’
‘I’m afraid he did. There was nothing wrong with him. That heavy breathing was an act. He meant you to come out here, spend a lot of time with Jackson, and—oh, well, you can guess the rest.’
Freya banged her hand against her forehead, snapping out a thoroughly unladylike word.
‘I don’t know why I’m surprised,’ she said. ‘You said he couldn’t surprise me any more. He actually thought that Jackson and I—after everything that’s happened—’
‘Well, the two of you do seem to be getting on very well again.’
‘Only as friends,’ Freya said quickly. ‘Nothing more. How did you learn what he’d been up to?’
‘Earlier tonight we saw you wandering along the riverbank together and he was so pleased with himself that he told me what he’d done—pretending to be ill to get you out here.’
‘And you were so worried...’ Freya breathed. ‘Didn’t he understand what he was doing to you?’
‘Does he ever understand anything that doesn’t suit him?’
‘No, never. Well, that’s it. He doesn’t need me, so I’m going back to England. I don’t think I can endure the sight of him any more.’
‘I think I’ll come with you. I need to put some space between Amos and me while I try to see into the future. Don’t go to England. Come to Monte Carlo and stay with me for a while.’
‘All right. It’ll be good to have some time alone together. Are you seriously thinking of leaving Amos?’
‘I don’t really know. What I do know is that things between us aren’t as I hoped, and I have to mull it over. I need space and to be free of him for a while.’
‘Yes,’ Freya murmured. ‘To be free.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
AS THEY WAITED for the coach the next morning Jackson came to stand beside Freya.
‘What’s up with them?’ he asked, inclining his head to Amos and Janine. Although they were standing together there was an unmistakable air of frostiness.
‘They’ve quarrelled, and this time it’s serious,’ Freya said. ‘She found out that he never was ill. He only pretended to be short of breath.’
‘But why?’
‘To make me come out here and to get you and me together. He hasn’t given up, and this is his latest trick.’
Jackson swore under his breath. ‘I could strangle him!’
‘Join
