go back to your place and have sex.” She blurted the words out and then gave a squeak of embarrassment. Oh, God, she shouldn’t have said it like that. She should have flirted or at least been more subtle about it. She should have kissed him and let things take their course. When Élise talked about it, she made it sound so normal and natural, but Brenna had never felt less natural in her life.
Josh put his fork down slowly. “Now? Or do you want to wait until after dessert?”
She didn’t know whether to laugh at herself or crawl under the table. “I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I’m sorry—”
“For what?”
“For—oh, I’m so bad at this. Why do I have to be so bad at this? Everyone else finds it so easy, and I want to die on the spot.” Mortified, she covered her face with her hands and then felt strong hands cover hers as Josh drew her fingers away from her eyes.
“If you die on the spot, you’d leave me with a whole lot of paperwork I don’t need right now.”
“You’re mocking me.”
“Honey, I’m not mocking you, and it’s a hell of an offer but I think we probably need to talk about it some more.” He shook his head as their waiter approached. “Not now. Thanks.” He was firm, decisive and their waiter backed away, glancing nervously between the two of them.
Imagining how that conversation would go down in the village store, Brenna felt her face burn up. “Did he hear me? I’m going to have to move back to Europe. I can’t believe I said that. I mean, I’d been thinking about it obviously, and—” She had no idea what to say or do, but Josh was smiling.
“I can’t believe you said that, either. Want to tell me why?”
“I think moving in with Tyler has driven me crazy.”
“You thought it was time to cure yourself of Tyler and that I might be the cure.” The fact that he was so calm and reasonable made it worse.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m flattered you picked me.”
“I do care about you.”
“I know. I care about you, too, honey, which is why I’m still sitting here. If I weren’t an officer of the law, I might be tempted to handcuff Tyler and leave him attached to a tree until he’s had time to think through what he really wants.” His tone was mild but there was flint in his eyes.
“It’s not his fault.” She put her head in her hands. “What is wrong with me? Other people have emotionless sex all the time.”
“Thanks.”
“Josh, I don’t mean—”
“You can stop explaining. I’ve known you since you were four. There’s only ever been one man for you.”
“And he doesn’t want me. And I have to stop this. I have to move on. I can’t believe we’re talking about this. I never talk about it.” She leaned back in her chair, despairing, her emotions so close to the surface she couldn’t hold them back. “What am I going to do, Josh?” And then she realized it wasn’t fair to ask him, because he was in the same position as her. “I feel so bad, because I know you have feelings for me.”
“But they’re my feelings. I told you that already. Stop worrying about me, stop worrying about Tyler and start thinking about yourself. What do you want?”
She didn’t even know anymore. “I need to be honest, but if I tell Tyler how I feel, he’ll freak.”
“Maybe he wouldn’t. At least you’d know how things are. Isn’t it best to be sure?”
She stared at her wineglass. “I’m scared of ruining everything.”
“Scared?” Josh gave a faint smile. “Brenna Daniels, who once skied off the back of Baker’s Ridge in a white-out? You’re the bravest person I know.”
“I’m not good at speaking up. Generally, I’d rather dig my head in the snow and hope that by the time it has melted, the problem will have gone away.”
“This particular problem has been around for most of your life so I think it’s fair to assume it’s not going anywhere. Let’s get out of here.” Josh gestured to the waiter, and Brenna pulled out her purse.
“I’m paying. First I propositioned you, and then I whined all over you. You shouldn’t have to pay on top of that.”
“Give me a break, Brenna. If I don’t pay, it will be all over town, and Ellen Kelly will never let me in the store again.”
“In that case I’ll give you cash when we’re in the car.”
“Then it will look as if you’re bribing an officer of the law.”
They argued, he paid and then drove her home in silence, through swirling snow and darkness.
When he finally pulled up outside Lake House, he kept the engine running. “I’ll wait until you’re safely inside.”
“I had a really good time. And I’m really sorry about—well, you know. Basically everything.” Feeling really awkward, she picked up her purse. “Do you want to come in for a coffee or something?” Oh, God, why had she said or something? Now it sounded as if she was propositioning him again, but Josh simply smiled.
“I think there’s only so much Tyler can stand in one evening, and we’ve probably already pushed him past his limit.”
Brenna sat, watching the snow drift past the windshield and melt away on the hood. “He doesn’t think of me that way.”
Josh breathed out slowly. “Brenna—” his voice was patient “—why do you think he was so angry when I came to pick you up?”
“He’s protective, I know that.” She stared at the snowladen trees, remembering the fun they’d had playing in the forest. “I’m like his little sister.”
“I have a little sister. I’m protective. Doesn’t mean I want to strangle every guy she brings home.” He turned his head, and his gaze locked on hers. “He cares about you, Bren. That business with Janet freaked him out, and he’s backed off relationships ever since.”
“I know. He was torn up over losing Jess.”
“Which is crazy when you think about it because a man like him shouldn’t have wanted to be saddled with a baby.”
“He’s a wonderful father, and he has always adored her.” She leaped to his defense, and Josh sent her a look of exasperation.
“I’m starting to think I should lock the pair of you up overnight. Then you’d be forced to talk.”
It rose inside her, that dangerous thing called hope. “No!” She tugged off her shoes and pushed her feet into her snow boots. “I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to imagine something that isn’t there and want something I can’t have. I don’t want to live my life that way.”
