Nicole could be sure it had just been a moonlight flirtation and she could forget it ever happened. In any event, she supposed she could try.
“Mama, this whole evening was a disappointment to both of us. Sitting out all of the dances is becoming excruciating, especially when I am stuck in conversation with the likes of Lord Stokes. I do not make friends of my own when I sit with the dowagers all evening. My only pleasure was to be the cool breeze on the terrace, yet what was the outcome? I am accused of trying to compromise some haughty lord into marriage! I am weary of this and wish to go home.”
“What in heaven’s name are you talking of?” Her mother stared in question but continued in complaint. “Really, Nicky, you will say anything to shorten our stay, and you promised you would try to enjoy it. You are the one who set the conditions during this trip. You vowed no one must know of your condition and now you are complaining because it hinders you from enjoying any of the events. Why can we not admit your situation and get on with it?”
Nicky reached over to her mother and hugged her again. “Mama, I am sorry to be such a disappointment to you. I know you think if I told everyone about the accident things would be better. But do you not see that they would be so much worse? Now I am only relegated to the dowager section and can still sit out dances with some conversation. If Society knew about me, no one would know how to treat me. People would ignore me because they would not know what to say to me.”
Nicole continued in a tired voice, “Mama, anyone here who would accept my inabilities would be friendly enough, but then I would be cosseted to death. You know that is worse than anything for me. You promised if I agreed to come to London we could keep it a secret as long as possible. That gives me the illusion of having a normal Season.”
Lady Beaumont sighed and took Nicole’s hand. “My dear, I only want to give you the chance to meet someone you could love and trust, as I did your dear father. People are not intentionally mean or cruel, just ignorant of differences they do not understand.” She gripped Nicole’s hand tightly. “Every man you meet will not be like Michael. What he did was abominable. When you meet the man God intended for you, he will appreciate the strength and courage you have shown and will love you as much as we do.”
She hurried on. “We must also have faith that Dr. Morrison will give you a brighter prognosis for the future.” She patted her daughter’s hand in sympathy. “Now no more talk of going home. We will be back at Beaufort Hall soon enough.”
“Very well, Mama. Why do you not rest until we get home. You know Chelsea may have fallen asleep in one of our beds and will want a full account of the ball when we get there.” Nicole had yearned for solitude on the drive home, but her mind betrayed her by reliving the wonderful time spent on the Swathmores’ terrace. Since the drastic change in her life, Nicole had come to the conclusion that she must remain unwed and was unwavering in her decision. Her mother’s mention of Michael only confirmed it.
Michael had been the first man she had really loved. He was a doctor and she had thought so highly of him. She had looked forward to sharing a life helping others and raising children among the families and friends in Cheltenham. She had thought she had found that with Michael. But when she had had her accident, he had become more and more distant until he had finally asked her to release him from his promise. He needed a helpmeet, he had said. She could no longer be that. With a heart that only she’d known was broken, she had released him. That’s when she had learned that the disability that had so affected her life, making each day harder to cope with, also made her a burden. She had determined she would not be a burden to her family, and she had become resolved never to be a burden to a husband.
Tonight, however, had reminded her of what her life could have been, and she realized that her conviction might cause her as much pain as the daily reminder she had to contend with.
She did everything in her power to turn her mother’s mind from the meeting with Lord Devlin, yet now she herself could think of nothing but the enigmatic man bent on furthering an acquaintance with her. While such reflections made her seriously regret a solitary future, she determined that God would help her effectively convince others that she was content in His plan for her, and she was striving for that contentment daily.
Despite her protests to the contrary, Nicole had heard of the renowned Lord Devlin. Since she spent much of her time with the dowagers, what she had heard had not been favorable. A major complaint was that he took an active interest in his estates rather than giving them into the hands of bailiffs. And the soldiers! Well, they could not even speak of his association with those of such low descent.
These were comments Nicole had overheard, but none were characteristics that made her think less of him. Indeed, she had secretly desired to know more of the man who flouted the conventions of Society and followed his convictions.
She had long ago built a wall around her own heart. It was not enough to stop her innermost attachments, but for protection from just such a hurt as she had set herself up for tonight. She thought once again of the pleasure she’d had being treated as a desirable woman. It proved that her self-constructed armor was still impervious to an irresistible gentleman on a moonlit terrace!
She allowed him that small entrance into her inner sanctum and knew he might be the man with the power to penetrate it completely. Her only other option was to create a more indomitable edifice around her heart that would affect all who would seek to gain her love, not just prospective suitors. Her nature balked at that thought. She had been given a heart for God, and she intended to follow the dictates of that heart.
Upon arrival at the townhouse, Nicole bid the servants good-night and climbed the stairs. Toby, her personal servant, accompanied Nicole to her bedchamber. He never retired until he was assured of her safety. “Thank you, Toby.” He was a gentle giant and she loved him dearly. She put her hand on his arm to stay him a moment, but embarrassment made her keep her face averted.
“Toby, I want to thank you for the time alone on the terrace this evening. I know you were close by. Maybe close enough to hear parts of my conversation with Lord Devlin?” She did not wait for his answer. “I know it was you disturbing the ducks!” She had startled him, but she only laughed. “Do not worry. I truly appreciate your restraint when I am sure you felt the need to interrupt. It was quite pleasant having a normal, relaxed conversation for a change. I believe the gentleman even flirted a little, do you not think so?”
Toby’s brow furrowed as he said, “I couldn’t ‘ear most of what you said, Lady Nick, and you know I don’t go in for no eavesdropping. I know you can take care of yourself most of the time.” They reached her door, and he waited to be sure she was safely inside before he left her. She could hear Chelsea’s even breathing; the girl was asleep on the divan.
At a touch Chelsea came awake with a start. She rubbed her eyes and stifled a yawn. “Oh, Nicky, what time is it? I vowed I would be quite grown up tonight and not fall asleep. Confound it! Here I have done that very thing.”
Nicole hugged her, laughing. “There were several ladies snoring softly at the ball. You were not alone, pet!”
“Nicky, never say you sat with the dowagers again all evening,” cried her sister. “I prayed and prayed God would give you a good time for a change. Papa always told me if it was for the good of someone other than me, my prayers would always be specially answered.”
Nicole put on her most impish smile and chuckled at her sister. “You are a little minx! Your prayers were not only answered, they must have given even the angels enjoyment! Where should I begin? Lady Swathmore’s turban kept tilting side to side until footmen were following behind her at each step to make sure she did not topple over.
“Old
