to the lake. Had an accident.” Kirk downed the last of his coffee and stood.
J.T. didn’t know which was worse: thinking Ashley was at the bottom of the lake or she was kidnapped. At least if she had been taken there was a possibility she was still alive. Is that why I’m insisting she’s been kidnapped?
No, he knew the reason. The evil he had encountered in Chicago nearly destroyed him to the point he had tried to forget the ugliness by drinking. Now he felt in his gut his past had come back to haunt him.
“We’ll do it first thing tomorrow morning if we haven’t found her by then.” J.T. scanned his kitchen. “And we need to move the command post down to the station.”
“J.T.,” Rachel Altom, another one of his deputies, said from the doorway, “I’ve cataloged everything in Ashley’s room and secured it. You need to go through it and determine if anything is missing.”
Only an hour ago he’d briefly checked Ashley’s room to see if her favorite doll or stuffed bear was missing. Both had been on her bed in their usual place, mocking him with their presence. The rest of his survey of his daughter’s belongings had been quick. He’d barely held himself together and didn’t know how he was going to do a more thorough search.
“I didn’t see anything earlier, but I’ll do it again.” J.T. didn’t say it was a waste of time. He knew in his heart his daughter hadn’t run away, but this investigation needed to be by the book and he was the only one who could do the search.
“I need to talk to Kim again.” Rachel took a mug of coffee that Susan handed her. “Now that she’s had time to think, I want to make sure she’s positive about what Ashley was wearing.”
J.T. shook his head. “I’ll do it. But unless Ashley changed after school, what Kim told you was right.” He remembered his oldest daughter fleeing to her room an hour ago, refusing to talk to anyone. The longer Ashley was gone the more silent Kim had become.
J.T. plodded across the kitchen and passed Rachel at the doorway. The hallway to the bedrooms lay before him. The sight of Kim’s and Ashley’s closed doors tightened his chest, making breathing difficult. As he approached Kim’s room, he drew in one shallow breath after another but nothing alleviated the pressure. It felt as if his heart had broken into hundreds of pieces.
For the first time in years, since his time in Chicago, he wanted a drink. He wanted to drown his pain in a bottle of alcohol, to forget that evil existed. His hand shook as he reached for the handle.
Lord, I can’t go back to that kind of life. Help me! Bring Ashley home safely.
He knocked softly on Kim’s door, then pushed it open. Kim sat trancelike in front of her small TV set, listening to the Amber Alert broadcasted over the Central City television station. He moved closer as his daughter rewound the tape and began to play it again. He touched her shoulder and leaned forward to switch off the TV.
“Kim—”
“Daddy, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She spun toward him and threw her arms around his waist.
Although she buried her face against him, he heard her sobs and the tightness in his chest expanded. Stroking her hair, J.T. fought to keep his own tears under control. For the past few hours they were ever present, a huge lump in his throat.
He swallowed several times. “Honey, you’re not at fault.” He managed to kneel next to her and cup her face, forcing his daughter to look at him. “Do you hear me? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You paid me to look after her, not talk on the phone. I told her to go out back and play. If she hadn’t, she would—”
He pressed his fingers over her lips. “Shh. Ashley played out back all the time, often by herself. You had no idea this would happen to her.” He regretted his admonition of Kim earlier, but there was no way he could take it back. His words uttered in frustration would be with both of them for a long time. He knew what guilt could do to a person. He’d dealt with it six years ago with his drinking and his wife’s death.
“What if she ran away because of me?”
If only that was the extent of it. Another deep breath to fill his oxygen deprived lungs and J.T. said, “Let’s not play what-ifs. It won’t help Ashley, and it won’t help you. Now, I need you to go over one more time what Ashley was wearing when she went outside to play.”
She closed her eyes, a tear leaking out. “I told Rachel what she was wearing.”
“Tell me again.” He pushed her bangs from her eyes. He hated adding to Kim’s pain by interrogating her. But it had to be done.
“She had on her blue jeans with the butterflies around the hem and her pale pink T-shirt and no jacket because it was warm.” Kim came to a shaky stop, blinking rapidly. “Do you think she’s cold? It still gets cold at night in May, Daddy.”
He ignored her question because he didn’t have a good answer. Instead he asked, “Which pair of shoes was she wearing?”
“Her black patent leather ones. That’s all she wears anymore. I caught her one night sleeping—” Kim brought her hand up to cover her mouth and her tears returned to flow down her cheeks. “But now she’s missing one,” she mumbled through her fingers.
He couldn’t hold his own sorrow back any longer. His tears left a wet track as they slid down his face. Hugging his oldest daughter to him, he cherished the feel of her in his arms. At least Kim is safe. She had been inside the house alone with the back door unlocked. What if whoever had taken—Don’t play the what-if game.
Except for the murder almost a year ago, Crystal Springs was a safe Illinois town. People left their doors unlocked. Kidnappings didn’t occur here. Not a lot happened here, and that was one of the reasons he had brought his family back to his hometown after he’d pulled his life out of the gutter.
Kim jerked away and shot to her feet. “I’ve got to do something to help. I want to search like Neil is. Please, Daddy.”
His son had accompanied Reverend Colin Fitzpatrick and a couple of men from the church while they searched the area around Faith Community Church and the lakeshore near it. He hadn’t let Kim go with them, partly because she was the last person to see Ashley and needed to be interviewed and partly because he wanted to keep her as close to him as possible. He could have lost her today, too.
“No.”
“But I need—”
He planted his hands on his jean-clad thighs and shoved himself to his feet. “I said no, Kim. It’s too dark and most of the teams are finishing up.”
“Tomorrow then?”
“We’ll see. I’m moving the command center to the station, and I want you to come with me.” Again he heard thunder in the distance and realized another storm system was moving into the area.
She opened her mouth to say something, decided not to and snapped it closed. After snatching up her jacket on the back of her desk chair, she stalked out into the hallway.
With a heavy sigh, J.T. followed his daughter toward the foyer. The doorbell rang. Kim rushed forward to answer it before he could stop her.
Standing
