mean to put you in a spot,” Cade said, as Belle stepped out of her car.
“That’s an apology?”
“If you need one then, yes, it’s an apology.”
He was leaning up against the entrance to her office, standing in the shade, cowboy hat tipped low over his face. Admittedly, he still took away her breath. A sexier, better-looking man God had never put on the face of this earth, and she responded to that in huge ways. Dark brown hair just slightly wavy, slate-gray eyes. Tall, muscled physique of a god. She’d responded to it too quickly all those years ago, jumping into his bed the first opportunity she’d had, then into marriage at approximately the same irresponsible speed. “What’s with the hat?” She’d never seen him in a cowboy hat before today, but it did him justice. If anything, it made him look sexier.
“When in Texas.” He tilted the brim back. Stared her in the eye. “Since you’re raising my son to be a cowboy now.”
“Apology accepted, but don’t ever do that to me again, Cade,” she warned, brushing by him to unlock the door. “I’m having a hard enough time as it is, establishing myself here in the wake of the legendary Dr. Nelson, and I don’t need you stepping in to help me, or whatever it was you were trying to do out there on the Chachalaca. And why are you here anyway? You just left three days ago, and you’re not due back for—”
“Nine more days, which is why I’m here now. Nine days is a long time. Too long.”
That feeling in the pit of her stomach turned into a hard knot as the hint of a custody battle took on stronger overtones. Cade had never fought her on her being custodial parent, so why now? “Meaning?” she asked, struggling not to sound as apprehensive as she felt.
“Meaning I don’t get enough time with Michael. He’s growing up, and every other weekend isn’t working for me. You’ve been gone two months, Belle, and the arrangement is driving me crazy. So I decided to take a few weeks off my practice and hang around Big Badger, see what’s rocking his world these days. Discover things I can’t discover in my allotted few hours of visitation.”
“Why now, Cade? It’s been this way for five years, so why now?”
“Because I’m getting older.”
She shook her head. “That’s not it.”
“Maybe there’s not one certain ‘it’, Belle. Maybe I just want to be included more.”
Like he’d wanted to be included in their marriage, but hardly ever showed up for it? Like he’d wanted to be included in so many of the other milestones they should have been celebrating as a family, only Cade had always, conveniently, been missing from them? Cade had been the consummate husband in absentia, so why this? And why now? “You’re not sick, are you? A terminal illness, or something life-threatening?”
He chuckled. “You always were straight to the point but, no, I’m not sick. Does that disappoint you?”
“Believe it or not, Cade, I don’t hate you. Never have, and unless you give me cause, like taking Michael away from me, I never will.”
“Is that what you think? That I’m here to take Michael away from you?”
“Seems logical, doesn’t it? Things are going along fine then, out of the blue, you’re here, telling me you want to make changes. So is that what it’s about, Cade? Do you want to take Michael away from me?”
“What I want, what I’ve always wanted, is what’s best for him. That’s you, Belle. I wouldn’t take him away from you, and I’m sorry you’d think I would.” He shook his head. “That’s the second time I’ve apologized for causing you to think the worst of me. It’s not how I want it to be between us, you know.”
She was relieved. Still curious, since Cade was acting so out of character. But very relieved. “I know, and neither do I. And for what it’s worth, I really didn’t think you would take him from me. We’ve had our bad moments, Cade, but I didn’t think you’d do that. It’s just that you showing up here the way you have makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know what to expect.”
“And in your life you always like to know what to expect.” It was said with no malicious intent whatsoever.
“It’s who I am.” And part of the reason their marriage had failed. Cade never had understood that in her. “So anyway, I know you miss Michael, but what’s the real reason you’re here?”
“That is the real reason. Can’t it be just that simple?”
She shook her head, then gestured for him to follow her through to the exam rooms and into her private office, trying not to think about how Cade was still on the verge of something that, try as she did to fight it, made her feel anxious. “So, on a whim, you can just walk away from your surgical practice?” she asked, shutting the door behind her and grappling for something, anything, to steady her nerves. A deep breath, a sturdy wall to lean on. Amicable divorce, yes, amicable parenting arrangements, yes. But there was nothing amicable about the way she was feeling as this was all about Cade wanting to change her life again, no matter how simple he claimed this matter of his was going to be. “You can just decide you don’t want to work then fly to Texas for a day or two?”
“Actually, like I said a minute ago, I’m here for a few weeks. That’s one of the advantages of being co-owner of a growing surgical practice. You get to make the rules. And since there are always a dozen or so other surgeons to cover for me, I decided I needed—well, you can believe what you want, but I came to spend some time with Michael.”
“Really? A few weeks?” This was making less and less sense by the minute. “You’re going to stay in Big Badger for a few weeks?” Normally, Cade was one step shy of arrogance, but she didn’t see that in his eyes. They were the eyes that kept him hidden, blocked the light from his soul. Not now, though. Cade was not only serious about staying here, he was emotionally invested in it.
“Seriously, Belle, is wanting more time with my son such a bad thing?”
Under most circumstances, no. And she didn’t know what to think about this now. Except she’d seen that flicker of emotion in his eyes just then. Brief, but definitely there. The same flicker of emotion she’d seen the day Michael had been born, same flicker she’d seen the day she’d told Cade that Michael had been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. Cade Carter kept most of himself hidden, but not always. And those unhidden moments were always genuine. She knew that with all her heart. “OK, I understand that you’re not going to tell me everything, and I don’t have time to stand here and try arguing it out of you. I do think you want to see Michael, and for now I’m going to leave it at that. But later, Cade. We’re going to deal with this—this whatever it is—whether or not you like it.”
“I swear, it’s all about Michael,” he said, putting on the old Cade grin. The charmer grin that had got her into trouble in the first place. “And since we have an open agreement about him—”
“Before you make any more plans, I’ve made arrangements for him in Austin for the next three weeks. It’s a good program. It’s gained lots of awards for its advances in autism, and is headed by a doctor who’s internationally known for her work.”
“Which he doesn’t need to go to now that I’m here to spend that time with him.”
“But it’s arranged.”
