tremor of doubt shivered through her. Suppose she couldn’t cope on her own?
For a moment her hand touched her waist. No, not on her own. Never again. Her baby might be no bigger than a match-head, there might be nothing yet for the world to see, but inside her something amazing was happening. Already her baby had a backbone, a primitive heart…
The low afternoon sun was shining in through a window that overlooked the rear garden. Yes, this would make a perfect nursery. She could see it already…had the colours picked out in her mind…
And she stopped being cool and serious and totally in control and rushed back to the bathroom.
Yes!
Her hand was shaking as she snatched up the tester. A blue line. Did that mean it was a boy? No, no. Stupid. Of course it wasn’t a boy. She was going to have a girl. She and Jake were going to have a baby girl.
Her legs went suddenly wobbly and she clutched at the sink and lowered herself onto the edge of the bath.
She was pregnant.
It wasn’t just a feeling any more; it wasn’t just something she ‘knew’. It was fact. Not just some airy notion that couldn’t, shouldn’t be true. Jake wasn’t a man to take risks. But that last time something extraordinary had happened and neither of them had thought of anything but a deep and desperate need to be held, to be loved. Without limitation, reservation, conditions attached.
And now there was a baby, his baby, their baby, growing inside her. A life begun. It was totally, seriously true.
A smile forced its way across her face, erupting into a disbelieving laugh that faded as quickly as it came.
Falling in love with Jake Hallam had not been a good move. Head-over-heels-at-first-sight falling in love was never a good idea, especially not with a man who’d made a point of explaining his attitude to commitment before he’d stepped over her threshold.
But it had been too late then.
She’d tried. She’d known it was pointless, but she’d made an effort and really tried. After that first moment, when their hands had touched and their gazes had locked and all kinds of incredible sensations had made concentration on anything else very, very difficult, she’d kept her distance. Kept the length of the room between them. She’d sensed that he was doing the same thing, unnerved by the certainty that their fates were inextricably linked.
Yet they had both arrived at the door at the same time, ready to leave. If they’d planned it, it couldn’t have been better timed.
The only comfort was that he didn’t know she was in love with him. Men distrusted that kind of emotional stuff. Not that he’d have believed her anyway. If she’d used the ‘L’ word, Jake would have panicked, certain that she’d cling. If she wasn’t very careful, he’d see the baby as an attempt to entrap him.
Amy laid the flat of her palm against her stomach. No. He must never feel that. If he came back it must be because he wanted to. Because nothing could stop him.
She knew he’d try to stay away.
He’d found it too difficult to leave her not to recognise the danger. He’d driven away from her cottage as if the hounds of hell were on his back. Which was, she decided, promising. It suggested a certain unease, a fear that saying he ‘didn’t do commitment’ wouldn’t be enough.
He was mistaken. It would be. If he wanted it that way. His decision.
She’d have to tell him about the baby, though. Before he heard it from someone else. She had three or maybe four months’ grace, but after that it would be difficult to hide the fact that she was pregnant, and Mike had seen them leave together, had been aware of the tension between them.
His parting ‘Take care’ had been loaded with apprehension…As if he would have protected each of them from the other, but had sensed the attempt was futile.
But once Mike knew about the baby it wouldn’t put a strain on his powers of deduction to put two and two together and come up with the date of Ben’s christening.
The phone began to ring and she let the thought go. She had plenty of time before she had to worry about Jake’s reaction to fatherhood. He was in America, would be gone for weeks. He’d stressed that. As if he needed to reinforce the message. So, she had ages to work out the best way to break the news to him.
Just for the moment it was her secret, and she planned to keep it that way.
Then, as she headed for the door, she realised she was still holding the little plastic spill. Even as her hand moved towards the wastebin she discovered she was totally incapable of throwing away the precious evidence of her baby’s existence. Instead she popped it into a little glass jar standing on the bathroom windowsill and went to deal with her call.
‘Jake? Are you happy with that?’
Jake had been miles away. Thousands of miles away. His body might be sitting in a boardroom in downtown New York, but his mind was on the other side of the Atlantic. Suddenly, he couldn’t get Amaryllis Jones out of his mind.
He’d done a pretty good job of it during the last month. He wasn’t quite sure why, but he sensed it would be a wise move to forget all about her.
Okay, so he hadn’t been able to totally eradicate the searing memory of the way they’d been together. But working hard on setting up a partnership with an American telecommunications company whose CEO had been determined to give him the VIP treatment had made it relatively easy—or, if not easy, at least possible—to push her right to the back of his mind.
But now, sitting with their massed lawyers hammering out the final details, nailing down any loose ends, all he could think of was the scent of bluebells and rain on warm English soil, a woman’s touch that had seemed to reach down into his soul.
What on earth had possessed him? They’d been at a christening, for heaven’s sake! He was the baby’s godfather!
Was that it? An atavistic yearning for fatherhood sending him over the edge? No way! He enjoyed being godfather to Ben but that was as close to fatherhood as he ever intended to get.
It was why he was so careful to choose his partners with a detachment that bordered on coldness. He didn’t walk, he ran from any possibility of emotional entanglements. He kept his relationships uncomplicated, the kind he could walk away from without a backward glance.
Love was too easy to say, too difficult to mean. He’d learned that the hard way.
The only person in the world who’d ever been there for him had been his foster mother. Aunt Lucy was a great lady and he owed her a lot, would be grateful to her until his dying day, but he still knew, deep down, that it wasn’t him she cared for.
She opened her heart to any needy child, or puppy, or kitten who hadn’t got anywhere else to go. He had been just one of dozens through the years. She was kind, warm-hearted, totally honest. It was in her nature to take in the heartsore strays, put them back on their feet, head them in the right direction and despatch them into the world. She’d done it for him, saved him from the kind of trouble a hurting youth could all too easily succumb to, but he wasn’t fooling himself. It hadn’t been personal.
And observing Aunt Lucy had taught him the
