fantasy of the lonely bachelor that she’d built up around him but she knew it was probably a complete fallacy. She knew the simplest way to get some answers would be to strike up a conversation with him. If she wanted to know more, she was going to have to drum up some courage and ask him herself.
Normally she was up for a bit of fun, some harmless flirtation, as much as the next person. All right, usually a bit more than the next person. A girl had to know how to have fun but even she wasn’t sure that an intensive care unit was the appropriate place to attempt to pick up a man. She was sure it wouldn’t make the list in a women’s magazine when they printed their articles on the top ten places to meet men. Not unless you worked there and then it could technically come under the heading of a workplace.
And although Ruby couldn’t be accused of being mainstream in her approach to dating, or even meeting men, even she wasn’t convinced that having an eye on a man who was lying in an ICU, no matter how hot he looked, was acceptable in the dating jungle.
Tuesday, 16th December
But nothing ventured, nothing gained was her motto, and the next morning was as good a time as any to venture, she decided as she keyed in the code to open the door into the ICU. Now that she knew he wasn’t an axe murderer or serial killer, she could relax. Her judgement had been known to let her down on occasion.
She summoned up her courage and pushed the door open. She’d check on Rose and then strike up a conversation. There’d be no harm in saying a simple ‘Hello’ as she walked past. She didn’t need to crowd him. She could say hello and then the ball would be in his court. If he wanted to engage her in conversation she’d be a willing participant. He’d had no visitors, perhaps she could offer to help. There must be something he needed and, if not, at least she would have broken the ice.
She was all ready to flash him her best smile as she made her way to Rose’s cubicle but his bed was empty, stripped of its sheets, leaving the mattress exposed, the machines all neatly packed away. The bed looked as though it had never been occupied.
The adrenalin that had been coursing through her body clumped together to form a little ball of lead in her chest and plummeted to the pit of her stomach, leaving her feeling flat.
He was gone and she’d missed her chance.
She couldn’t believe it.
It wasn’t really in her nature to be hesitant and she couldn’t explain why she’d held back. But she had and now she would never know anything more about him. Disappointment flooded her, joining the ball of lead in her gut.
She stepped past the empty bed and into Rose’s cubicle. Seeing Rose still lying inert, her condition obviously unchanged, and hearing the mechanical suck and hiss of the ventilator didn’t do anything to lift her spirits.
She leant over and squeezed Rose’s hand in greeting before kissing her cheek. Even if Rose wasn’t responding she had to let her sister know she was there. She kissed her mother next and then sank into a chair beside Lucy.
‘Has there been any change?’ she asked.
Lucy shook her head. ‘No, but we’ve passed the forty-eight-hour mark.’
Ruby knew that was a big milestone but what she didn’t know was how much that meant if Rose still hadn’t shown any signs of improvement.
‘Have the doctors seen her this morning?’
‘Yes, and they seem to think it’s a positive that Rose hasn’t declined any further.’ Ruby could hear the hopeful note in her mum’s voice, as if praying for Rose’s recovery would be enough to make it happen. That might have worked if they’d been a religious family but they weren’t. But, still, none of them were prepared to discuss anything other than the idea that Rose would recover, even though they all knew there were no guarantees. They only had their belief to get them through this. ‘Will you be able to stay until she’s better?’ Lucy added.
Ruby nodded. She wouldn’t leave while Rose was critically ill. She’d stay as long as she could and hopefully that would be long enough.
‘What about work? Can you get extra time off?’
Ruby hadn’t thought about work since she’d jumped on a plane before sunrise on Sunday and her mother’s question made her realise she hadn’t actually told work she was away. She’d been working as an agency nurse in Byron Bay. She’d been working as an agency nurse for years actually as the flexibility suited her. There was no commitment. She could almost come and go as she pleased, which she did on a fairly frequent basis. When she’d decided she’d had enough of one place she could up and leave without feeling like she was leaving an employer in the lurch.
Had she missed a shift? She couldn’t remember. She certainly hadn’t had a phone call telling her she’d forgotten to turn up. She did a quick calculation. Today was Monday, wasn’t it? No, Tuesday. That was okay, her next shift wasn’t until tomorrow. She had time to sort that out.
‘Time off isn’t a problem,’ she told Lucy. ‘I’ll just tell the agency I’m unavailable.’
Getting days off wasn’t difficult but losing the pay cheque would hurt. But there wasn’t anything she could do about that. She wasn’t leaving until Rose was out of the woods.
‘Are you still working agency? You don’t want something more permanent?’
Lucy had been working for the same aged care facility for ever. Ruby knew she was very attached to the residents but they didn’t live forever. In normal nursing patients came and went and Ruby couldn’t see what difference having a permanent job would make to her life when there was so much change anyway. Ruby didn’t want to form attachments, it would make leaving difficult.
‘It’s just as well I’m doing agency work as it meant I could jump on a plane and come to Adelaide without letting anyone down,’ she said, but she knew better than to expect that to be the end of the conversation. She waited for the inevitable question.
‘You don’t want to settle down?’
There it was. Their conversations always seemed to come back to that. No matter what they were discussing, her mother always seemed to be able to raise the topic of settling down.
By the age of twenty-six Lucy had been a mother of three but Ruby knew it hadn’t all been by choice and she had no intention of making the same mistakes her mother had made. She chose to ignore the fact that not only had she made some of the same mistakes, she had also made other, different, ones and now she was trying just to get through life. She wanted company but she didn’t want commitment. She didn’t want to share her private thoughts or her history with anyone else.
She could feel her hackles rising.
She knew she should be mature enough not to fight with her mother, especially not at the moment next to her sister’s ICU bed. Rose always tried to avoid confrontation and Ruby didn’t want to get into a fight here in case Rose could hear them. She knew she wouldn’t have given work a second thought if Lucy hadn’t asked about it and that realisation put a match to her already short fuse. She needed to remove herself from the situation before Lucy could ask any more questions.
‘Have you eaten today?’ she asked. She needed some breathing space and a quick trip to the hospital kiosk would give her a chance to get it. ‘I’m starving. I skipped breakfast so I might go and grab something to eat. Would you like something?’
