Because someone had raped her, and the assault had cut so deep that she let nothing else into her life.
If there was one thing he’d learned during his long road of dealing with post-traumatic stress, it was that the world was full of walking wounded, people who’d never been in an official battle zone, but who’d fought their own desperate wars of one kind or another.
So many people. Life didn’t leave many unscathed. Everyone dealt with their scars in their own way, and like a bunch of phoenixes, they tried to rise from the ashes and build on them.
Knowing that, however, didn’t change Desi’s situation one bit. She chose to let her job consume her, and she did a damn fine job to judge by the way she’d risen so rapidly in the service. But she left room for little else, and he’d threatened her just by entering her space.
Maybe he should move back to the motel. But wouldn’t that look odd, and by the size of this town he imagined gossip got around. Checked out, checked in again the same night? That’d make for some speculation, all right.
He sure didn’t want to draw unwanted attention her way. Perhaps that was inevitable now, no matter what he did.
He’d wedged himself into her life and he needed to do some serious thinking about why. Yeah, he’d had to let her know what he was doing here. The point of his operation was not to keep such a low profile that nobody knew where he was. No, he had to draw the bad guys out. Couldn’t do that if he buried himself in a hole, and Desi needed to know what was coming down because he’d be operating in her territory.
But he could have left it at that. Why hadn’t he?
Pouring another coffee, he sat and stared into the places inside him, places he often hated to visit, seeking an answer.
All he found was a deepening concern for Desi. He’d awakened that buried memory in her, brought it out of the dark place she hid it. And then she’d warned him.
Not good. Not good at all. But he didn’t know what to do about it.
* * *
It was late, but Desi was in no mood to sleep. When she heard a vehicle pull up out front, she went on immediate alert. Looking out, she saw a sheriff’s car. What now?
She jammed her feet into her boots and headed out to the front room. Kel was still sitting there, mug in hand, but he’d heard the vehicle, too.
“Trouble?” he asked.
“No idea. Sheriff’s vehicle.” She grabbed her jacket and stepped outside to take the stairs down. She was forestalled by Deputy Sarah Ironheart at the foot of them. A middle-aged woman with raven-black hair, Sarah was of Native American descent and one hell of a nice person.
“Hey, Desi,” Sarah said.
“Sarah. What’s up?”
“Well, you have a guest. Everything okay?”
In spite of herself, Desi colored. So...she had a guest and it was so unusual that the sheriff was going to check up on her? Man, she must have some reputation. “I’m fine, Sarah.”
“I can see that.”
Desi relented even though she felt people might be getting too far into her private business. “Come on up. I’ll make some coffee.”
“I never turn down coffee when I have night patrol. Thanks.” Sarah climbed the stairs and followed Desi into the front room. Kel was still sitting in the chair with a mug on the coffee table. He stood up immediately.
“Sarah, this is Kel Westin, an old friend. Kel, Deputy Sarah Ironheart.”
“Sarah will do,” she said as she shook hands with Kel. “Old friend, huh?”
Kel glanced at Desi. “Yeah. Recently discharged. That’s why you haven’t seen me before.”
Smooth lie, Desi thought, rounding the bar into her teeny kitchen to start a fresh pot of coffee. She didn’t know if it was wise to mislead the local law. As a rule, she avoided it at all costs. But maybe Kel feared blowing his cover. After all, he didn’t know if Sarah was trustworthy. How could he? He didn’t know Sarah.
Sarah took one edge of the ancient couch. “So where’d you two meet?”
Ah, hell, Desi thought. They hadn’t worked that out, and the smallest detail would give it away.
“When I was at Fort Hood in Texas,” Kel answered easily. “Desi was down that way visiting her parents and...well...” He gave a charming grin. “There was this bar, and then there was this summer romance. Followed by a lot of me being away and us chatting by email and Skype. I thought it might be time to meet up again, now that I’m not being sent away all the time.”
Well, that covered all bases. Desi felt relieved that he’d apparently thought about what he’d say. And boy, how much he’d accomplished with one little tidbit about her.
That was when something gripped her. Pain or anger, she couldn’t tell. She’d just watched that man snow Sarah. He wasn’t trustworthy, badge or no badge. He lied like a pro. Later she was going to have some words for him, but right now she couldn’t. She just had to play along.
She brought Sarah a mug of coffee and heated up Kel’s cup. “Sarah, you want me to fill a thermos for you?”
“I have one,” Sarah answered lightly. “It’s just downstairs, and was I going to turn down a neighborly cup and chat?” She glanced at her watch. “Fifteen minutes, then I’m back on patrol.” She looked at Kel. “Desi’s a special woman. She can hand out a citation without making the violator furious.”
Desi managed a laugh. “They just don’t let me see it.”
Sarah smiled over her cup. “Yeah, that’s often wise. So Kel, you just got out? Any idea what you want to do now?”
“Trying to settle into a different way of life,” he answered.
Sarah nodded. “It can be difficult.” Then she winked. “Now you even have to decide what to put on in the morning.” She patted her leg. “Something to be said for uniforms.”
At that, Kel laughed. “You’ve got a point there. Maybe I should just buy seven days’ worth of clothing that all look alike.”
“Well, that’s one way,” Sarah agreed. She drained her cup and stood. “Desi, you look tired, so I’ll just be on my way.” She paused. “I heard about that trophy kill. Any leads?”
“Zip,” said Desi. “Absolutely nothing. And the meat was wasted.”
“I’ll keep my ear to the ground. Nice to meet you, Kel.” Then Sarah let herself out.
Alone, Desi and Kel exchanged stares. Then she rose without a word and went back to her bedroom, locking the door. He lied too easily. Maybe it was required for working undercover, but it didn’t mean she could trust him.
So just don’t trust him, she told herself as she readied for bed. If she didn’t trust him, he couldn’t hurt her. And to hell with the simmering attraction she felt. She’d lived without men for a while now.
