was upset, they would have established a bond, making it easier to deal with his feelings.
“Okay.”
“And another thing. You aren’t going to be alone with Elias. If you’re with him, then so am I. Again, that’s not negotiable.”
Donovan nodded, keeping himself from smiling. He’d often thought of Raven over the years. On those endless, lonely nights when he’d longed to come home, memories of time they’d spent together kept him going. Though he’d never stopped hoping he’d be able to come home one day, he’d never let himself believe he and Raven would ever be together again. Now she was insisting on it. He knew she wasn’t saying they spend time together because she missed him or wanted to take up where they left off. She didn’t trust him. Still he was anticipating the next few days and weeks. “Okay. So when can I see him again?”
She breathed out a sigh. She looked drained. “I don’t know, Donovan. You’ve shaken up my life. You’re back from the dead and wanting to be a part of our son’s life. I need a minute to think about things and get my bearings.”
“That’s fair.” Truth be told, although he wanted to start spending time with his son and Raven immediately, he needed to get his bearings, too. He’d gone from trying to catch up with his first love to discovering he was a father in under an hour. Not to mention that he was home again, his exile over. Sure the changes in his life were all positive, but he still could use time to process everything.
“I’ll call you in a couple of days and we can set up something.”
“Okay.” He gave her his cell phone number and had her call him so he’d have her number, too. Once they’d saved each other’s info, she walked out of the room in a none-too-subtle hint that it was time for him to leave. When they reached the door, she held it open. Before he stepped through it he touched her hand. Their eyes met and held. “Thanks again for my son.”
Raven watched from the window as Donovan walked to his truck. She needed to make sure he didn’t turn around and come back. She had to make sure he was gone before she loosened the reins on her emotions. Only after he’d driven away did she allow herself to sag into a chair.
Donovan was alive. She’d always believed she’d know if he wasn’t, but recently she’d started to think her belief was simply misplaced hope. But he was alive and living next door to her. Lucky for her next door in a ranching community didn’t mean the same thing as it did in a town. He couldn’t see her as she came and went about her day so she’d still have the privacy necessary to maintain some semblance of order in her life.
Order in her life. That was a joke. Her life had spun out of control the moment she’d opened the door and seen Donovan standing on the other side. It had been a dream come true until it wasn’t.
She gritted her teeth, holding back the angry scream that was fighting to get out. She’d held on to her love for all those years—worrying about him—and he’d been fine. Happy and healthy. She couldn’t believe the man she’d loved had done that to her. But he had.
She’d waited for an explanation, hoping he’d give her a reason for vanishing from her life, but he hadn’t even tried to explain. Perhaps because there wasn’t a reason for hurting her that way. Or maybe he thought he didn’t owe her an explanation. Maybe she’d made more of their relationship than had actually been there. Perhaps she’d been the only one in love.
She needed to get out of there. The minute her parents got home from the grocery store, Raven asked her mother to keep an eye on Elias then she saddled Evening Dream, her favorite horse, and headed across the grass to a spot she knew she wouldn’t be disturbed. When she and Donovan had been young and in love, they’d spent blissful hours in their special place. Once he’d disappeared, she couldn’t go there without thinking of him and breaking down, so she’d found a new location where she could have a bit of peace. Somewhere she didn’t associate with Donovan. She’d ridden her entire ranch until she’d found a field where her soul felt at rest. It was as far away from the Cordero ranch as she could get while staying on her property. That’s where she headed now.
Evening Dream seemed to instinctively know where Raven wanted to go, so she let her mind wander as the horse crossed the ranch at a leisurely pace. When they reached the boulder where Raven frequently sat to think, she dismounted and let Evening Dream drink from a nearby spring. Rather than sit, Raven picked up long blades of grass and began to split them. When the silence became too much for her, she leaned back, lifted her head and let out a long scream, voicing all of the stress, confusion and pain churning inside her. Her yell startled several birds, sending them flying from their tree and across the cloudless sky. Evening Dream looked up and stamped her foot in disapproval before resuming her drink.
Raven brushed hair out of her face and was surprised to discover moisture on her cheeks. Sinking to the ground, she began to sob in earnest. She wasn’t exactly sure why she was crying, but she knew part of her sorrow had to do with the time she’d lost. Ten long years had come and gone and she’d been so consumed with fear and worry and undying hope for Donovan’s return that she’d barely experienced any of them. Life had passed her by.
She loved her son and did everything in her power to be a good mother to him. The first couple of years had been especially trying and she was honest enough to know she’d been a basket case and not the parent Elias had needed. Fortunately her mother and father had filled the gap, giving their grandson all the love and attention he’d needed. Her parents had constantly urged her to stop wandering around like a ghost and give Elias her full attention. She hadn’t had the strength. It wasn’t until she’d heard Elias call her mother “Mommy” that Raven had begun to focus on her son.
But when the night came and Elias was safely asleep, she’d let her mind wander down the road to the secret place in her heart where Donovan lived. In the quiet midnight hour, she’d write letters to him that she knew he would never get. She’d done that every night until two days ago when she’d realized that to go forward she needed to put the past behind her. She was engaged to a good man who deserved all of her heart.
And now Donovan was back. She couldn’t allow him to consume her life again. It was clear now that she’d loved him more than he’d loved her. Apparently he’d said goodbye to her years ago. Well now she’d said goodbye. She was engaged to another man and getting married in four weeks. Donovan might be back in town but he was out of her life. He was part of her past and that was where she intended for him to stay.
“I think I’ll sit outside for a while,” Raven said to her parents, who were sitting in the living room. Following her breakdown in the meadow, Raven had ridden back to the ranch and helped her mother clean up the dinner dishes. She’d expected her mother to ask her about Donovan’s visit, but she hadn’t said a blessed word. Marilyn must have known Raven wasn’t up to talking about it because she’d kept the conversation light.
That extended to the hour before Elias’s bath time, when he’d dominated the conversation, talking about his plans for summer vacation. What he’d conveniently overlooked was that there were two more weeks of school, including final exams. She’d checked his homework and was pleased that he’d gotten all of his math problems correct. She let him read for half an hour before going to sleep each night, so after he selected one of the three books he was reading simultaneously, she’d set the timer for thirty minutes and reminded him to go to sleep when it went off. She’d picked up a stray sock and tossed it into his hamper then joined her parents in the living room.
“Carson
