using his own gifts to do some good, gifts so different from Will’s, from what his parents had always demanded. It gave him a deep fulfilment. Pleasure, even.
But he was not as young as he once was. Chris ruefully ran his hand through his hair and wondered when its golden colour would turn iron-grey. When his ‘light-hearted rogue’ act would no longer be useful. It was already dull to himself.
He glanced at a photograph in its silver frame, set on the edge of the desk as if to remind him that he did have a family, that he owed something to other people. Will and Diana Martin on their wedding day more than a year ago, all elegant morning coat and white satin, all joyful smiles. Even after all these months, the soft way they looked at each other, those secret smiles only for themselves, were still just as tender as they had been on that day.
It made Chris smile to think of them. And it made him feel discomfited. Nothing like that was on the horizon for him. He had become too good at his work. His reputation as a rake put him beyond serious marital consideration, even if he had wanted to marry. Society mamas let him dance with their daughters and flirted with him themselves, but he knew they did not see him as a good prospect. They only saw what he chose to show them.
Even if he did marry, he could never really be honest with a wife, could never be his true self. He wouldn’t put a person he cared about in a perilous position, not when his work included all manner of people and situations. Risking his own safety and reputation was one thing; he couldn’t do such a thing to a lady. Even if there was one out there who would have him.
Against his will, an image appeared in his mind as he thought of a lady he could care about—an image that came up too often sometimes. Emily Fortescue.
He saw her as she was at Di and Will’s wedding, her pale blue silk gown like the sky itself, her laughter as she caught the bouquet. Emily, with her sharply edged intelligence, her hazel eyes that always saw too much, her lips that tasted so sweet under his. So irresistible. She made him want to spill all his secrets to her, to tell her everything, and that was dangerous indeed.
Chris glanced again at the wedding image. Will and Di were Emily’s friends, too. Diana was practically her sister. He could never offer Emily, who meant so much to so many people, the kind of marriage she deserved; neither could he trifle with her. Not that he could imagine anyone trifling with Emily’s affections at all. She was too intelligent, too independent, and she had made it clear she did not intend to marry.
So, Emily Fortescue was the only lady he could imagine marrying—and the last lady he ever could. It was a prison of his own making and one he could never back out of now. His work depended on it; too many people depended on it, even if they would never know it.
He pushed away memories of Emily, as he so often had to do, and reached for the pile of papers again. Even the problems of Berlin were less complicated than romance.
Luckily, a knock at the door interrupted the tedious task. ‘Come in,’ he called in relief.
It was Laura, Lady Smythe-Tomas, another of the office’s secret agents and one of their most successful. A beautiful, redheaded young widow, she had a rare sense of style, a deep, husky laugh and royal connections to the Marlborough House Set. She and Chris had worked together often before and he always enjoyed her company, even if they were far too similar to ever be romantically involved. It was too bad; he wouldn’t have to hide his work from her.
‘Christopher, darling, are you ready for...?’ She paused in adjusting her kid evening gloves and sapphire-blue gown, her luminous green eyes narrowed as she took in his shirtsleeves and tousled hair. ‘I see you are not. Are we going to be fashionably late?’
‘Late for—what?’ Then Chris suddenly remembered. A gambling party at a very secret, very exclusive club, one which high-ranking German and Russian diplomats favoured.
Laura laughed and perched on the edge of his desk. ‘Too engrossed in all those fascinating reports, I see. Well, there is plenty of time. It’s better if we give them time to find the claret, then they’re easier to talk to. And we must appear to be carelessly late fribbles, anyway, yes?’
‘Fribbles we must be.’ Chris went to the wardrobe in the corner where he kept his extra evening clothes for just such emergencies. He glanced back at Laura, who was sorting through her beaded reticule and humming a little waltz to herself. She had been widowed for many years, left almost penniless by her titled older husband. Was she ever lonely? Did she ever regret the work? ‘Laura...’
‘Yes, darling?’ she answered, tucking a strand of dark red hair into her beaded bandeau.
‘Have you never considered marrying again?’
She gave a startled laugh. ‘Why, Chris! Are you proposing to me?’ She laughed even harder when he was afraid he looked rather alarmed. ‘Oh, don’t look so frightened. I know very well you are not. If there is anyone who is less the marrying sort than I am, it’s you.’ She slid off the desk and planted her gloved hands on her hips. ‘Why? Have you met someone and are having second thoughts about this work?’
‘No, not at all. I was just—just thinking about Will, I suppose.’
‘Oh, William.’ Laura waved her hand. ‘He is different. He works above-board at an embassy, he must have a spouse. One would just get in the way of our kind of work. You know that.’
‘Of course I know that.’ He had always known that, that being rakish was part of the importance of what he did. It was only lately that he felt himself changing, changing in ways he did not understand. ‘But have you not ever felt, I don’t know—felt alone?’
‘Oh, Chris, darling.’ She gave him a concerned frown and stepped forward to press his hand. ‘I confess I do. My marriage was not all it should have been, but still it was nice to know someone was there if I stumbled. But I am so much better off now and so are you. We are too good at our work to give it up.’
Chris nodded. He did know the score, he always had. He just had to shake away those wistful feelings and get on with what he was so good at doing.
‘Tonight’s party should be just the thing to chase the glooms away!’ Laura said, handing him his silk cravat. ‘Just think of all the lovely ladies who will be there, ready and eager for you to sweep them off their feet and learn all their little secrets...’
Emily was running...running down the same endless dark alleyway lined with towering bales of cloth stretching so tall and so out of sight that she was sure they reached up into the sky that was always night. She couldn’t even see the starlight, only splashes of hazy, haloed gaslight that came from unseen lamps. She heard voices, but they came from so far away they only seemed like an echo of mocking laughter.
But the footsteps behind her were very clear. Slow, stately, unrelenting. Not hurried at all, not a panicked run like hers, but always moving closer.
Her lungs ached, her breath was strangled in her throat. Her hair tumbled into her eyes, blinding her.
She tried to run faster, but the alley was now choked with cobwebs, wrapping around her ankles, pulling her back. Making her trip. The footsteps grew louder and she fell, toppling towards the ground. He would surely catch her now and she was helpless, cornered like a
