and give her kind a name?”
The earth seemed to sway in every direction as Gabriel had stared at the old man’s face. Seeing the last remnants of hope there, Gabriel hadn’t been able to ask why Aden hadn’t talked to Michael instead of him. Maybe Aden had. No, he’d corrected himself. Aden understood the Miller boys well, and he’d known Michael wasn’t interested in farming.
Gabriel had found what he wanted, too: a life with Leanna.
But everyone said Aden Girod hadn’t hesitated to take in two orphans when he’d buried his own wife a few years before. How could Gabriel say no to what might be a dying man’s final request?
Nobody had seemed surprised when Gabriel and Freda’s wedding plans were published at the next church Sunday. If there were whispers about how they were married outside of the usual wedding season in the late fall, he’d never heard them. That they remained at the Girod house instead of traveling to visit friends was accepted, too, because Aden’s condition didn’t improve, and he would need their help more than ever.
Leanna had vanished out of his life. The letter he’d written to her to explain why he’d done what he had—though he’d never mentioned Freda being pregnant because Aden had asked him never to tell anyone, not even his twin brother—hadn’t brought any response. Had it been delivered? Should he have sent another?
He hadn’t had a chance to decide because Aden had taken a turn for the worse, and Freda’s morning sickness hadn’t abated. He’d thought about talking to his brother about his concerns, but hadn’t because Michael would urge him to pray to God for strength. Faith seemed so simple to his twin. To be honest, it had seemed simple to Gabriel, too, before his whole life started spiraling downward after the bopplin were born. Freda had become withdrawn, and he’d assumed it was because she was exhausted from giving birth and having to take care of the twins only weeks after her daed had succumbed to the cancer he’d been fighting for five years.
Gabriel had offered to get a boppli nurse to assist Freda, but she’d refused, saying she didn’t want anyone coming into her house and changing things. His insistence the girl would do as Freda requested hadn’t changed his wife’s mind. When she had burst into tears the third time he made the suggestion, he gave up, fearing he was causing her more distress with his persistence.
That had been his first mistake, but he believed his second had been his assumption God was going to help Freda. Instead, she’d died, and Gabriel had been left with two tiny bopplin and a wagonload of guilt. One thing Aden hadn’t ever spoken of, because it didn’t need to be said, was his deep wish his kins-kinder be raised with two loving parents as neither Freda nor Gabriel and his brother had.
When Michael had suggested they move to the new settlement where they could leave the grief behind them, Gabriel had agreed. Anything to get away from the familiar sights that were tainted by sorrow.
Now...
A quiet knock came from the back door, jerking Gabriel out of the vicious circle of his memories. He looked up to see Leanna waiting on the other side. A quick glance at the clock over the stove told him she was right on time as usual. He’d wasted too much time reliving the past when he should be focused on the future for his family.
Leaving the blackened pan on the stove and picking up Heidi before she could crawl out of sight under the table, he was glad that while he was lost in his thoughts she hadn’t decided to go into the front room again and try to lift herself up on the stack of unpacked boxes. If they fell on top of her, she could be hurt, but there was no way to explain the danger to a young kind. He saw Harley was right where Gabriel had put him before starting what was supposed to be breakfast. At least one of the twins was a content boppli.
He hoped no signs of his recent thoughts were visible when he opened the door. As he did, smoke whirled in a crazy dance through the kitchen. He couldn’t help seeing how Leanna grimaced as the stench of burnt food struck her. He wanted to assure her the place didn’t always look and smell so bad, but he didn’t have the energy.
He said, “Komm in.”
Waving away wisps of smoke trying to exit around her, Leanna entered. She set down a basket holding formula bottles before she lifted off her black bonnet. Her crisp white kapp popped into its heart shape, which accented her pretty face. In her neatly pressed pale pink dress and black apron, she seemed out of the place in the chaos. He thought he remembered seeing the ironing board in one of the unused bedrooms upstairs, but it was useless without an iron. Did he have any idea which box it might be in?
She looked well rested, too. Like his brother and the bopplin, who somehow had figured out how to make short spurts of sleep work. He had to be happy the only mirror in the house was the tiny one over the bathroom sink he and Michael used when they shaved. Michael complained about its size, but, for Gabriel, who only had to shave his upper lip and cheeks, it was fine. He wouldn’t have wanted to see his sleep-deprivation next to Leanna’s neat appearance this morning.
Had he’d remembered to shave this morning? He ran his fingertips over the stubble on his left cheek. No, he’d forgotten again. Unlike men with darker hair, his russet beard was uneven and resembled an unshorn sheep losing its winter fleece. And combing his hair? He’d forgotten that, too, which meant clumps stood up as if he’d tried to catch a bolt of lightning.
“Gute mariye,” Leanna said with a smile for Heidi, who returned it with a giggle. “You look ready for trouble this morning.”
“She is.” Gabriel was relieved Leanna acted as if she hadn’t been surprised to discover him looking unready for the day. He could play along, too, though he hated the idea they were pretending instead of living their lives honestly. “Harley is a gut boppli, happy to play where he’s put. Heidi is our explorer. I’ve had to keep a close eye on her to make sure she stays away from unpacked boxes.”
“Maybe she wants to help.” Leanna smiled, but her expression froze when he didn’t return it. Walking past him, she went to the refrigerator. She opened it and put the bottles of formula inside. She glanced at the stove and the pan where he’d burned breakfast.
He wanted to kick himself. Would it have hurt him to give her a smile? Maybe, because it could have opened him up to feelings he shouldn’t have for her any longer. Those feelings were another secret he couldn’t share. How many more secrets could he keep before he burst wide open and revealed the web of half-truths he’d created?
“Where’s your brother?” Leanna asked, breaking the silence.
“He went into Salem to check on our order at the hardware store. We need to make sure it’s delivered on...” His words faded into a yawn. When she looked over her shoulder, he apologized.
“There’s no reason to say that,” she said so quickly he had to wonder if she was talking about his yawn or their combined pasts. “You’ve got every reason to be tired. You’ve just moved in, and you have two bopplin to take care of. I don’t think anyone will be running to the bishop with complaints about you yawning in the middle of a sentence.”
“Or having a house that looks as if a tornado came through?”
“Last I knew, dirty dishes in the sink aren’t a sin.” Again she smiled.
Again he didn’t.
Walking toward him, she stopped more than an arm’s length away. “Why don’t you go and take a nap?”
“At
