a year and a half apart hadn’t dissolved her feelings for Nathan, maybe she was destined to love him forever. Or maybe being around him again would make her realize that he wasn’t as wonderful as she used to think. The man was bound to have flaws. Little character traits that annoyed her. Maybe all this time she’d been building him up in her mind, making him into something he really wasn’t.
A renewed sense of hope filled her. Maybe this would turn out to be a good thing for her. But they had to be cautious.
“I also think it would be best if no one knew about this,” she said.
He looked relieved, probably because he was worried about his position at Western Oil. But there was more to it than that.
“I think that’s a good idea,” he said.
“We’ll have to be really careful. These things have a way of blowing up, and that could be devastating for Max.”
“He’s a baby. It’s not as if he can pick up a newspaper.”
“Not yet. But someday he will. If you decide, for whatever reason, that you can’t be a part of his life, I don’t want him to know about you. If your identity gets out now, you can bet he’ll hear about it eventually. Besides, my father adores Max, but if he were to learn that you’re the father, he would know that our affair was just another way of defying him. He would disown me and Max on principle.”
“Still trying to win his affection?”
“I don’t give a damn what he thinks about me, but Max has a future at Birch Energy, if he should so decide that’s what he wants to do. Right now it’s his legacy. It doesn’t seem fair to deny him that for my own selfish reasons.”
“Yet if I decide to be a part of his life you risk that very thing.”
“Because knowing his real father is too important. He needs a male influence in his life, and as it stands, my father is the best I can do. And who knows, maybe Max isn’t destined to fail him. With me, he never seemed to get over the fact that I wasn’t the son he’d always wanted.”
“So, is that really all I was to you?” he asked. “Just another way to defy your father?”
At first. Until he wasn’t anymore. Until she fell stupidly and hopelessly in love with him. But that would have to remain her little secret. Her pride depended on it. “Does that come as such a shock?”
“Not really, considering we both know it isn’t true.”
And what about him? Did he get off on making women fall for him, then breaking their hearts? Was it all just a game to him? And how was she supposed to react to his accusation? If she denied it, she would look as though she were hiding something. If she admitted the truth … well, that wasn’t even an option.
She refused to give him the satisfaction of any response.
“So, what days would be best for you to see Max?” she asked him. “His bedtime is eight, so if you want to do weeknights it will have to be before that. Sunday afternoons would work too.”
“Weekdays will be tough. I’ve been swamped at work. I’m lucky if I can get out by nine most nights.”
“No one said it was going to be easy. You have to make priorities.”
His look said he was poised to jump to the defensive, but instead he took a deep breath and said, “If I go into the office early tomorrow, I could be out of there by six-thirty. That would get me here a little before seven.”
“That’s a start,” she said.
“Tomorrow it is then.”
A long, uncomfortable silence followed, where neither seemed to know what to say next. Or maybe they had said all there was to say.
“Well, I guess since that’s settled …” He rose from the couch.
“It’s been a long day, and I don’t know about you, but I could go for a glass of wine.” She knew the second the words left her mouth it was a bad idea, but she just wasn’t ready for him to leave.
You can’t force him to love you, she reminded herself. And she wouldn’t want to. She wanted someone without the relationship hang-ups, who loved her unconditionally. If that kind of man even existed.
Nathan studied her, one brow slightly raised. “Are you asking me to stay?”
Yeah, bad idea. “You know what, forget it. I don’t think—”
“Red or white?”
His question stopped her. “Huh?”
“The wine. Do you have red or white?” The hint of a smile tugged at his lips. “Because I’m partial to red.”
She shouldn’t be doing this. She was still vulnerable. She was only setting herself up to be hurt. For all she knew he could be involved with someone else now. Maybe that was part of the reason for the trial period.
Character flaws, she reminded herself. She couldn’t find them if she didn’t spend at least a little time with the man.
Just this once, and after this, she would see him only if Max was there.
“Then you’re in luck,” she told him. “Because I have both.”
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