cared what she thought, hadn’t even cared to tell her the truth of their marriage, of his courtship, of anything.
Something hardened then, crystallised into cold comprehension inside her.
Now she knew what it was like to be a woman.
‘I can’t do it,’ she said quietly, this time without trembling or fear. ‘I won’t.’
Her mother was silent for a long moment. Outside, a peal of womanly laughter, husky with promise, echoed through the night.
Allegra waited, held her breath, hoped…
Hoped for what? How could her mother, who barely cared for her or even noticed her at all, help her out of this predicament?
Yet still she waited. There was nothing else she could do, knew to do.
Finally Isabel turned around. ‘It would destroy your father if this marriage fell through,’ she said. There was a strange note of speculative satisfaction in her voice. Allegra chose to ignore it. ‘Absolutely destroy him,’ she added, and now the relish was obvious.
Allegra let her breath out slowly. ‘I don’t care,’ she said in a low voice. ‘He destroyed me by manipulating me—by giving me away!’
‘And what of Stefano?’ Isabel raised her eyebrows. ‘He would be humiliated.’
Allegra bit her lip. She’d loved him. At least, she’d thought she did. Or had she simply been caught up in the fairy tale, just as her mother said?
Life wasn’t like that. She knew that now.
‘I don’t want to create a spectacle,’ she whispered. ‘I want to go quietly.’ She nibbled her lip, tried not to imagine the future ahead of her, looming large and unknowable. ‘I could write him a letter, explaining. If you tell him tomorrow—tell Papa—’
‘Yes,’ Isabel agreed after a short, telling pause, her face a blank mask, ‘I could do that.’ Her eyes narrowed. ‘Allegra, can you give this up? Your home, your friends, the life you’ve been groomed to lead? You won’t be allowed back. I won’t risk my own position for you.’
Allegra blinked at her mother’s obvious and cold-hearted warning. She looked around her room. Suddenly everything seemed so beautiful, so precious. So fleeting. She sat hunched on her bed, hugging her old patched, pink teddy bear to her chest. In her mind she heard Stefano’s voice, warm and confident.
Tomorrow is…a new beginning, for both of us.
Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she was overreacting. If she talked to Stefano, asked him…
Asked him what? The answer she’d been hoping for, desperate for, but he’d failed to give. He hadn’t told her he loved her; he’d reprimanded her for asking the question in the first place.
There could be no future with him.
And yet what future was there for her without Stefano?
‘I don’t know what to do,’ she whispered, her voice cracking. ‘Mama, I don’t know.’ She looked up at her mother with wide, tear-filled eyes, expecting even now for Isabel to touch her, comfort her. Yet there was no comfort from her mother, just as there never had been. Her face looked as if it were carved from the coldest, whitest marble. Isabel gave a little impatient shrug. Allegra took a deep breath. ‘What would you have done? If you’d had a choice back then? Would you still have married Papa?’
Her mother’s eyes were hard, her mouth a grim line. ‘No.’
Allegra jerked in surprise. ‘Then it wasn’t worth it, in the end? Even with children…me…’
‘Nothing is worth more than your happiness,’ Isabel stated, and Allegra shook her head in instinctive denial. She’d never heard her mother speak about happiness before. It had always been about duty. Family. Obedience.
‘Do you really care about my happiness?’ she asked, hearing the naked hope in her voice.
Her mother gazed at her steadily, coldly. ‘Of course I do.’
‘And you think…I’ll be happier…’
‘If you want love—’ Isabel cut her off ‘—then yes. Stefano doesn’t love you.’
Allegra recoiled at her mother’s blunt words. Yet it was the truth, she knew, and she needed to hear it. ‘But what will I do?’ she whispered. ‘Where will I go?’
‘Leave that to me.’ Her mother strode to her, took her by the shoulders. ‘It will be difficult,’ she said sternly, her eyes boring into hers, and Allegra, feeling as limp and lifeless as a doll, merely nodded. ‘You would not be welcome in our house any longer. I could send you a little money, that is all.’
Allegra bit her lip, tasted blood, and nodded. Determination to act like a woman—to choose for herself—drove her to reckless agreement.
‘I don’t care.’
‘My driver could take you to Milan,’ Isabel continued, thinking fast. ‘He would do that for me. From there a train to England. My brother George would help you at first, though not for long. After that…’ Isabel spread her hands. Her eyes met Allegra’s with mocking challenge. ‘Can you do it?’
Allegra thought of her life so far, cosseted, protected, decided. She’d never gone anywhere alone, had no prospects, no plans, no abilities.
Slowly she returned the pink teddy bear to her bed, to her girlhood, and lifted her chin. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I can.’
She packed a single bag with trembling hands while her mother watched, stony-faced, urging her on.
She faltered once when she glimpsed on her dressing table the earrings Stefano had given her the day before, to wear with her wedding gown.
They were diamond teardrops, antique and elegant, and he’d told her he couldn’t wait to see her wearing them. Yet now she would never wear them.
‘Am I doing the right thing?’ she whispered, and Isabel leaned over and zipped up her bag.
‘Of course you are,’ she snapped. ‘Allegra, if I thought you could be happy with Stefano, I would say stay. Marry him. See if you can make a good life for yourself. But you’ve never wanted a good life, have you? You want something great.’ Her mother’s smile was sardonic as she finished, ‘The fairy tale.’
Allegra blinked back tears. ‘Is that so wrong?’
Isabel shrugged. ‘Not many people get the fairy tale. Now write something to Stefano, to explain.’
‘I don’t know what to say!’
‘Tell him what you told me. You realized he didn’t love you, and you weren’t prepared to enter a loveless marriage.’ Isabel reached for a pen and some lined notebook paper—childish paper—fromAllegra’s desk. She thrust the items at her daughter.
Dear
