absolutely nothing.
She’d felt the tears rise, felt the distance growing by the second. No one had made her feel so good about herself, and losing him—leaving him, was breaking her heart.
She had to talk quickly to get the rest of the words out, and they came in a rush. ‘‘If you see my number, don’t pick up,’’ she said, holding the tears back. ‘‘If I show up at the garage, don’t talk to me. Don’t let me change my mind.’’
‘‘If that’s what you want,’’ he finally said.
Is that what she wanted? No. Is that what Melio needed? Yes. She held the phone tighter, closed her eyes, and tried to be responsible. Think about Grandmama and Grandfather, she told herself. Think about Joelle. Think about all the people who have worked and sacrificed to get us to this point.
‘‘It’s what’s right,’’ she said, emotion strangled inside of her, strangling her. If only he’d give her a good reason to throw respectability and responsibility away.
But he didn’t. He’d been a citizen of Melio his whole life. Yes, he’d gone to school in Rome, studied beneath the great DeLaurent family, but when he’d come into his own, he’d returned to his island kingdom and like everyone else, he understood the burden on the Ducasses, knew that one day the princesses would inherit.
He’d known from the beginning their relationship could go nowhere. But he’d taken a chance. Gone with his heart. And she had to admire that. The odds hadn’t been good, but Daniel had let the love carry him as far it would, and when it ended, he’d been a man.
He’d let her go without a word of complaint.
Staring up at the gold and blue domed ceiling, Nicolette blinked back tears. Giving up Daniel had put her emotions into a deep, cold storage and for the first time in a long time she could admit what her decision had cost her.
True love. A chance at lasting happiness.
She felt Malik’s gaze. He’d been patiently waiting for her answer. ‘‘I’ve no secrets,’’ she said at last. ‘‘My life is public knowledge.’’
He leaned forward, took her chin in his hand, turning her head to stare into her eyes. ‘‘Yet you cry.’’
She tensed. ‘‘I’m not crying.’’
‘‘I see tears. And sadness. You lost something and it’s never been returned.’’
My heart, she agreed silently, even as she masked her surprise that he’d read her so accurately, that he’d nailed the emotion and need. ‘‘My parents died when I was ten.’’
‘‘This isn’t about your parents—’’
He was interrupted by a rapid knock on the door. The outer door opened and Alea’s young voice could be heard calling for admittance. ‘‘Your Highness, forgive the interruption, but you’re needed immediately.’’
Malik sat up, closed his robe. ‘‘What’s happened?’’
‘‘Lady Fatima, Your Highness. They’ve called an ambulance for her. She’s terribly ill.’’
Nic waited for Malik to return. He did not. Instead he had servants bring Nicolette a dinner tray to her room.
Later a grim-faced Alea appeared to help Nicolette prepare for bed. Alea didn’t volunteer any information about Fatima, and out of politeness, Nic didn’t ask.
But once Alea left, carrying away the remnants of dinner, Nicolette paced her room. She was concerned about Fatima despite how the other woman had treated her. And after what had been interrupted between herself and Malik she felt like she was going crazy. She wanted to make love, not fall in love. She wanted passion, not emotion. She wanted to be with Malik now, not committing to the future.
Why was this so hard? She’d been with other men before, had made love but hadn’t worried about falling in love. Why couldn’t she do that here? Why couldn’t she stay breezy, light, keep it all superficial?
Because Malik wasn’t superficial, that’s why.
Nic slumped on the foot of her bed, pressed her fists to her eyes. She could see him even now, handsome, proud, intelligent, kind…
God, he was kind. He had such warmth and dignity and she couldn’t bear to hurt him. Disappoint him.
But she was. No matter what she did now, it’d disappoint. No matter what choice, it’d be wrong.
He wanted Chantal. She was Nic. He wanted forever. She only believed in the moment.
She didn’t even believe in marriage for heaven’s sake!
Letting her hands fall to her sides, Nic inhaled slowly, trying to calm the wild beasts stampeding inside her. Breathe, she told herself, just breathe.
But it was a struggle to even breathe. It was such a struggle being here, pretending to be someone she wasn’t. She’d stopped trying to pretend that she was handling the situation well.
What she needed to do was reduce it to the most elemental form, and in this case, it was physical attraction. Sexual attraction.
She wanted to make love with Malik. Maybe making love is just an escape, another form of running away, but at least making love, she’d feel something besides this…panic.
Making love she’d feel like herself again.
She hated pretending to be Chantal. She missed her natural hair color, missed her own strengths, and missed her own dreams.
If she could just become Nic again. If she could just find her sense of humor, and sense of adventure, again.
If she could just stop worrying about Melio, her grandparents, Chantal and Lilly, and the kind of future Joelle faced as well.
Her brow creased as she stared across her room to the door with the delicate arch. It was a lot to worry about.
But if she could just escape the worries for a while…
If she could just be with Malik, feel his arms around her, put her cheek on his chest…
If she could just close her eyes and think about nothing but sharing the moment with him. Just be close to him. Warm skin, his body, his heart beating beneath her ear…
And maybe his hands taking hers, pinning her arms down against the bed, his mouth on hers, his body moving over…
Maybe his body in hers…
Maybe…
Nic bit her knuckle, feeling as if she were dangerously close to losing control. She—who’d needed so few people in her life—had never felt as if she needed anyone or anything like one long intense night in Malik’s bed. He was a king. He had to know what she was feeling. He carried so many responsibilities on his shoulders. Surely he could give her some advice.
Or at least, be able to help her forget.
Just to be a person. A woman. Just to be Nicolette and
