about you, Beth, and the baby. He looked forward to coming home and seeing you again.”
Beth realized this was said for her benefit, and coming on the heels of her own thoughts, the comment was like a knife to her heart.
“He missed you a lot, Beth.”
Beth shot Nick a puzzled glance. Once again a slender wisp of hope wafted through her mind. The same hope that had accepted Jim’s apologies after his infidelities. The same hope that had taken him back both times.
The refrain of an old song spun through her mind. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Except there was no line for “fool me thrice.”
She had been such a silly fool.
Nick looked at her with expectancy, but she could only muster a tight smile and Nick, thankfully, turned his attention back to Ellen and Bob.
“He loved you all so much,” Nick continued. “I’m really thankful I had a chance to meet you.”
“And I’m thankful you took the time to come down here and stay with us,” Bob replied. “It means a lot to hear stories about Jim. It’s all we’ve got left.” Bob’s voice broke a little, and Beth felt a surge of sorrow for her father-in-law.
It didn’t matter that Jim had never been the husband to her they thought. He was their only son.
“Oh, my goodness, where’s my manners? Nick, would you like some more pie? Or coffee?” Ellen hastily brushed away her tears and got up from the table.
Nick held up his hands as if surrendering. “I couldn’t eat another bite. Jim told me your pie was the best I would ever eat, and now I know he wasn’t lying.”
Beth choked down another bite of that same pie, then took a drink of tepid tea to help get it down. She’d struggled all through the meal to eat enough to keep her in-laws from commenting on her appetite. But each mouthful had been an ordeal.
Her emotions toward her husband were a tangle of pain, anger and confusion, which she struggled to deal with in front of her in-laws. Each time she was with them it grew more exhausting to find a balance between her sorrow over Jim’s death and her relief.
Jim’s parents didn’t need to see the relief.
Though Beth lived only a few hundred feet away from her in-laws, she tried to maintain a boundary and often kept to herself.
But today they’d insisted she come to see Nick’s friend. So she’d reluctantly accepted the invitation, then sat through dinner listening to Nick’s stories and keeping her feelings in check.
She finished her pie, picked up her plate and stacked Bob’s plate on top.
But Nick reached across the table and put his hand on hers.
“I’ll help with the dishes.”
She could feel calluses on his warm palm. The hands of a soldier.
She jerked her hand back, the plates she held clattering onto the table.
He frowned, obviously puzzled at her reaction. “I’m sorry. I hate to see a pregnant woman working.”
“You don’t need to look,” she said with a touch of asperity she immediately regretted.
She blamed her shortness on the headache she’d been fighting ever since she came back from Shellie’s craft store after her doctor’s appointment. She’d been working up enough courage all week to talk to her boss about carrying her handmade cards in the store, but when she got to work, Shellie had already left to go to a craft show. So she’d chatted with Isla, the other part-time employee, tidied up the paper racks, reorganized the stamps and set up a new display in the window.
Then, when her few hours of work were over, she’d made the trip back to the ranch, her briefcase still brimming with homemade cards and her nervousness translating into a headache.
“Now I’m sorry,” Beth replied, giving him a quick smile. “I’m just tired.”
His crooked grin seemed at odds with his rough and rugged demeanor, but obviously she was forgiven. “I think you’re allowed to be,” he said with a touch of consideration.
Beth held his gaze a moment, surprised at his tone. Not what she’d expect from a friend of Jim.
“You both just sit down. We’ll do the dishes later,” Ellen said. “Beth, why don’t you tell us what the doctor told you this afternoon? We don’t get to see much of you, so it’s nice to catch up.”
“Everything is progressing the way it should,” Beth reported, repressing another surge of guilt at her mother-in-law’s muted reprimand. “But he wants to see me in a couple of days again, though I don’t know why.”
“I’m sure he just wants to keep his eye on you, given what you’ve had to deal with.” Ellen gave her a gentle smile.
“But you’re feeling okay?” Bob asked, a touch of concern in his voice.
“I saw your light on at twelve o’clock last night,” Ellen said. “Were you having a hard time sleeping, my dear?”
“I usually do,” was all Beth said.
They didn’t need to know she stayed up until two o’clock taking apart the cards she had already made, rethinking designs and colors all to impress an absent boss. Like Jim, Bob and Ellen didn’t understand how she could spend so much time on her “little hobby,” as Jim had called it, so she didn’t talk about it in front of them.
Bob leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed over his worn plaid shirt. “So things are okay for you, Beth?”
“Just fine.” An awkward silence followed her brief comment and Beth looked down at her clenched hands resting on her stomach. She felt Nick watching her and wished she could leave.
During the entire meal he’d been giving her sympathetic smiles. Poor dead Jim’s pregnant widow.
A surefire combination for pity. But she didn’t want his or anyone else’s pity. She just wanted to get on with her life. And having Jim’s friend around wasn’t helping. Especially a friend who constantly talked about Jim as if he was a devoted husband and excited father-to-be.
Beth shot a nervous glance at the clock. Her brother had told her that she had to call him at seven-thirty on the dot if she wanted to connect with him. It was seven-fifteen. Time to go.
She pushed her chair back and ponderously got to her feet. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to excuse me,” she said, shooting a quick glance around the table. “I have to make an important phone call.”
Ellen frowned her curiosity, but Beth wasn’t about to tell her that her conversation with her brother was about her moving off the ranch and into his apartment in Vancouver.
She knew the Carrutherses expected her to stay on the ranch indefinitely, but she couldn’t. Especially now that Jim was gone. She had to get on with her life and away from the memories.
“I’ll walk you to the house,”
