grimaced, and Zach wanted to know why he couldn’t take his bug home. To prove I could compromise, I limped to the door with them instead of going all the way to the car. “I guess I’ll see you Saturday, kid.” I ruffled the top of Zach’s head.
He looked puzzled. “Are you goin’, too?”
“Oh, Lord.” Gwen rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe I forgot to tell you. Duncan was going to when he stopped by yesterday, but you were sleeping.”
“Tell me what?”
“Zach was terribly disappointed about missing out on his camping trip with you. Duncan managed to get some time off so he could take him.”
The knife slid in so fast I couldn’t guard against it. I was supposed to be the one who took Zach camping and hiking. I was the one who’d taught Duncan, dammit. Not to mention Charlie and Annie. Our parents hadn’t much cared about that sort of thing, but I did. I always had.
My brother had everything else—why did he have to grab this, too?
“Dad?” Zach sounded uncertain.
So I smiled. “Just feeling sorry for myself because I have to miss this one. But you can tell me all about it when you get back, right?”
“Right!”
I didn’t watch them drive away. I never do. That’s a rule. Every time Zach leaves—especially when Gwen picks him up—I get hit with a load of might-have-beens. No point in taking a chance on Zach guessing how I felt. Kids often blame themselves when the adults in their lives are screwing up.
But I did wait to shut the door until they were both in Gwen’s car.
Seely was standing behind me. “That was hard,” she said. “You handled it well.”
I grunted, annoyed with her for seeing too much, and hobbled toward the living room. “Not that hard. My knee’s doing better.”
“I wasn’t talking about your knee. But I think you know that and are trying delicately to hint me away from the subject. Unfortunately,” she said sadly, “I am almost immune to hints.”
A quick snort of laughter snuck out before I could stop it. “That’s the first time anyone’s ever called me delicate. I hear blunt, rude, pigheaded and tactless from time to time, but not delicate.”
“There you go. We have a lot in common. I figure you’ll understand how hard it is for a basically direct person to tiptoe around a subject. Much easier to just say what you’re thinking, isn’t it?”
“Gets you in trouble sometimes,” I said. I’d reached the couch and sat down, suppressing a sigh of relief. Stupid knee. My shoulder wasn’t feeling too great, either.
“Trouble can be interesting. Here, let me help you get that leg up.”
“I can do it.”
“Now how did I know you were going to say that?” She ignored my scowl, putting her hands under my calf and helping me lift the leg onto the couch. “I must be psychic.”
“That makes sense. It’s not like I’m predictable.”
She laughed and settled on the other end, curling one leg up beneath her. That surprised me. She’d mostly stayed away this afternoon unless I needed something…which I figured was my fault. Because of that kiss. With my leg stretched out between us, I couldn’t jump her. That’s probably what she was thinking.
And I was not thinking about that kiss again. I was just wondering if she was.
“I liked watching you and Zach together,” she said. “Gave me the idea that you’re crazy about him.”
“Well, yeah. Of course I am. Any man…“My voice trailed off as I remembered that her father hadn’t acted like he was crazy about her. I cleared my throat. “Of course, some men are jerks.”
“I can agree with that.”
The bitter note in her voice surprised me, though it shouldn’t have. She had a right to be bitter. “Do you hate him?” I asked abruptly. “Your father, I mean.”
She blinked. “I…oh, damn, I wanted to say no, that he doesn’t matter enough to hate. And that’s almost true. But sometimes…”
She shrugged and looked away, but not before I’d seen the unhappiness in her eyes. “It’s like having a trick knee. You go along fine for days, weeks, even months. Then all of a sudden you put your weight on it, and it doesn’t hold. Every now and then I still get angry. Dumb, isn’t it?” Her mouth twisted. “I’m thirty-two years old. I should be over it by now.”
“I don’t see what ‘should’ has to do with it. Seems to me we can control our actions, but thoughts and feelings don’t pay much attention to rules.” Or I wouldn’t be thinking about that blasted kiss again.
She looked startled, then smiled. “I suspect a lot of people underestimate you.”
That was probably a compliment. I studied her a moment. Though her body was easy, relaxed, I thought shadows lingered in her eyes. I decided to steer us into less painful territory. “So, what would you change in here?”
“Me?”
“You said things hadn’t been changed in a long time. You must have had something in mind.”
“I’d paint the walls,” she said promptly.
I looked around critically. “Nothing wrong with the paint.”
“It’s white, Ben.”
“So?”
“So the room could use some color. Red would be great.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Green would be good, too—a rich green, nothing wimpy. But this couch is a lovely, warm brown. I think red would be great with it. And maybe some molding over the fireplace to match the crown moldings. That would make the mantel really pop.”
I eyed her dubiously. “You sound like an upscale decorator.”
She laughed. “I’ll admit to being hooked on those shows on cable.”
“They have decorating shows?”
“Don’t watch much TV, do you?”
“Not if I can help it.”
“Well, there’s a whole network devoted to it. Shows about gardening and all kinds of decorating—window treatments, kitchen remodels, painting techniques, all that sort of thing.” She grinned. “A friend of mine calls it female porn. We can look and drool, but we can’t touch.”
“Sounds about right.” I gave a thoughtful nod. “Green, maybe. I could see a pale green in here. Or purple.”
“Uh…purple?”
“Sure. Put a little gilding on the crown moldings,
