Sienna’s voice rose. ‘I will tell him, but in my own good time. And he’ll need to get used to the idea that he has a father before I introduce you. It will be a big thing for him.’
‘No bigger than it was for me.’ Adam’s face contorted into a scowl that scored deep lines on his forehead and narrowed his eyes until they were no more than two silvery-blue slits. ‘I’m still finding it hard to believe that you waited so long to tell me. You shouldn’t have had to go through Ethan’s illness alone. For pity’s sake, Sienna, I’m his father. I deserved to be told.’
He was right, of course. And she would have felt so much better during Ethan’s illness if she’d had Adam to lean on. It had been a terrible time, not knowing whether her son was going to live or die. As she’d sat for hours beside Ethan’s hospital bed she had longed for Adam’s strength, had told herself constantly that he ought to be here, that she should have told him about Ethan. The burden had been almost too much to bear.
Yet still it had taken immense strength to seek him out—and now she almost wished that she hadn’t. His anger was doing nothing to make her feel any easier about the situation.
She was given a tiny respite while her wine was poured. Adam as usual touched nothing stronger than water. Nevertheless, he tipped his glass towards hers. ‘Here’s to a promising future.’
Tension tingled in the air between them. His eyes locked with hers and Sienna felt her heart beating heavily in her chest. When she had sought Adam out yesterday she had never envisaged that she would be sitting here with him tonight, drinking expensive wine, experiencing shock waves of sensation because feelings she had thought long dead were making themselves felt.
It was actually impossible not to feel. Her love for him had once been so strong that she began to wonder now whether it had ever died. Or was it because he was dynamically sexier these days? Success sat on his shoulders like an invisible cloak. And a successful man was always irresistible. At least, to some women. She had never put herself in that category but looking at Adam now, seeing the man he had become, she could not contain a frisson of awareness. It ran through her veins like molten metal, hot and swift and consuming.
‘It might take Ethan time to get used to the idea that he has a father,’ she said quietly. And she needed time too. Their meeting, when it happened, would be an emotional one, there would be a big change in her life. Also in Ethan’s.
She didn’t allow herself to think of the effect it would have on Adam. He had been absent for so long that all she could think of at this moment was herself and her son.
Clearly she hadn’t been thinking straight when she had decided to seek Adam out, and she had not reckoned on the enormous personal trauma it would cause. If only she could turn back the clock. But, of course, that was impossible. She had started this, so now had to suffer the consequences.
Their first course arrived and for a few minutes there was silence between them, Sienna cautiously tasting her vinaigrette of white asparagus with truffles. It was, of course, superb. Adam would not have taken her to a restaurant where the food was not first class. He moved in completely different circles to her these days. It was a life she could have once had but had chosen not to. And she did not particularly want her son to be brought up in this exclusive society.
‘Does Ethan look like me?’
Sienna drew in a deep breath and nodded. ‘I have photographs.’ She reached for her bag and passed Adam an envelope.
He was silent for a few minutes as he scrutinised each photo in turn and Sienna took the opportunity to study him. She could see so much of her son in Adam that it was frightening.
Her lovable little boy was going to grow up in the very image of his father. Tall, devastatingly handsome, a real ladies’ man. And she would worry herself sick over the years, wondering what sort of a life he would carve out for himself. Would he be as driven as his father? Would he put success and riches before everything else? Before human relationships? Human emotions?
There had been times when she felt that Adam had never loved her, when she had wondered why he had asked her to marry him in the first place. His goal hadn’t been a happy marriage and children and she couldn’t help wondering now whether his relationship with Ethan would suffer as a result.
‘May I keep these?’
Sienna nodded.
‘There’s no mistaking that he is my son.’
The words were said calmly and with no malicious intent, but Sienna couldn’t help flaring. ‘If you thought that I would lie to you, you don’t know me very well at all.’
‘But you can surely understand? All these years and not a word.’
Their eyes met and held and Sienna was the first to look away.
‘I’m going to enjoy getting to know him. I’ll take him along the Thames on my cruiser, we’ll fly over to Paris to see my place there and—’
‘Adam Bannerman, don’t you dare!’ Sienna felt herself exploding. She felt sparks of white hot anger sizzling inside her head. If he thought money was the way to impress his son, he was sadly mistaken. ‘A walk along the river, feeding the ducks, a ride on some swings is all Ethan needs. Even just sitting down and talking to you, finding out he has a daddy, will be the most exciting thing that has ever happened to him. You can’t buy his love, Adam. Kids need companionship and love and caring. Doing little things together. And if you can’t get your head round that then it might be better if he never finds out about you.’
‘It’s too late for that.’ Adam’s eyes glittered into hers. Hard eyes, cold eyes, that told her she couldn’t back out now. That he would demand access to his son whether she liked it or not.
‘Nevertheless, we need to set out some ground rules,’ she declared sharply. ‘I don’t want you trying to impress him with your wealth. He needs to get to know you properly first.’
‘I agree,’ he answered with surprising quietness, ‘and the sooner the better.’
The subject of their son drew them closer by an invisible thread. Adam’s eyes had never seemed bluer. Or more fierce. Or more direct. They burned through into the very heart of her, making her wriggle uncomfortably on her seat.
‘Do I have to come knocking on the door and announce myself? I could do that, you know.’
And he would, thought Sienna. He would turn up without warning and she would be left quivering with apprehension. What if the two of them didn’t get on? Adam clearly knew nothing about children and their needs. He would overwhelm his son, maybe even frighten him.
‘I’ll tell him tomorrow,’ she promised. ‘But he’ll need a few days to get used to the idea. I’ll ring you.’
Adam threw her a look of disbelief. ‘And how long will I have to wait? Maybe I should come back with you tonight and—’
‘No!’ yelped Sienna, then looked around swiftly to see if anyone had heard her panicked cry. Fortunately not. ‘He’ll be in bed, for one thing. I’ll tell him tomorrow, I promise, and then I’ll leave it up to Ethan.’
‘What if he doesn’t want to meet me?’
Sienna shrugged. ‘That’s something you’ll have to deal
