Shelby felt like a new person. Almost. Gramma had settled her into her old room on the east side of the house. The wide bay window faced the twin house next door but also afforded a view of the woods out back. This room hadn’t changed either. The same white curtains graced the window; the lavender bedspread was more faded but still thick and soft. And at the edge of the window sat her favorite chair, the green-and-white shell back with a tufted ottoman to prop your feet on. For the first time in years, Shelby knew a sense of belonging.
But it was temporary. Only until she could get back on her feet physically. She tried not to think about what effect heart disease might have on her future job search. Would anyone hire her with a preexisting condition? Removing her laptop from its case, she scooped up her smart phone from the nightstand and headed downstairs. She’d worry about that later.
Gramma was looking through cabinets when Shelby stepped into the kitchen. She turned and frowned at the devices in Shelby’s hands. “What are you going to do with those?”
“I have a few loose ends to tie up at work. I’m still employed for the moment, and the magazine has to go on. Medical leave or not.” Truth was, there was little she could do. Everything was on hold, but it helped to keep busy. It made her feel like she was doing something.
Ellen planted her fists on her hips and pursed her lips. “You’re supposed to be relaxing, and if you have any sense at all, you’ll follow orders. You’ll unplug yourself from those things and you’ll rest, eat right and get some exercise.”
She acknowledged the necessity of following the doctor’s advice, but Tween Scene was her baby, and she’d spent every ounce of her time and energy over the years making it successful. To suddenly turn her back and walk away when its future was in doubt seemed irresponsible. Besides, what was she supposed to do with her time? Sit in the rocker and crochet?
“I’m not good at being idle, Gramma.”
“Resting and taking care of yourself is not being idle.”
“You know what I mean.” Shelby placed her computer on the kitchen table. “I need to be busy. You know how Mom felt about being unproductive. If she had any idea how much time I spent looking at your magazines when I was here, she’d have never let me come back.”
“Your mother wanted you to have an education and be able to take care of yourself.”
“And I can, but now everyone’s telling me to stop and stand still.”
Gramma exhaled a sympathetic sigh. “I understand. But this is a new chapter in your life, and you’ll have to find something different to fill your time. Something quieter, slower paced.”
The thought made Shelby’s skin crawl. She didn’t like being inactive. She like planning and deadlines. “I’m not sure I can do that.”
“You don’t really have a choice.” Gramma patted her shoulder. “I’m sorry to go off and leave you on your first day home, but I’m filling in at the hospital this afternoon for a friend. There’s chicken salad in the fridge in case you get hungry. It’s made with all low-fat, healthy ingredients. I’ll be home in a couple of hours if you want to eat together. In the meantime, relax.”
An hour later Shelby tossed her cell phone onto the dining room table and buried her head in her hands. It looked like the other shoe was about to drop at Harmon Publishing. Her boss had called to tell her a meeting had been scheduled for all upper management regarding the sale, but no other information had been given.
The ever-present knot of anxiety in her stomach grew. What would she do if she lost her job? How would she survive? Her mind churned with a frightening list of possible disasters. Her heart rate quickened, and a steady pressure began to build in her chest. She closed her eyes against a wave of fear. Was she having another heart attack or an anxiety attack? The doctor said the symptoms were similar. She’d been oblivious to her first episode, so how did she know if this was serious or not?
“Please, Lord, don’t let this be another one.” She’d experienced these symptoms before—the light-headedness, then a clammy sensation and a strange sense of foreboding. Her first thought had been a brain tumor. When the symptoms persisted, she’d gone to the clinic, but they’d sent her home with instructions to cut back on caffeine and sugar.
A second episode sent her to the hospital, where extensive tests had been run. That’s when Dr. Morgan had delivered his diagnosis and his ultimatum. Time off or face the consequences. She couldn’t afford to ignore this any longer. Not when death was the option.
Inhaling a slow, deep breath, she breathed a sigh of relief when her pulse slowed to normal once again and the tension eased. Frustration and anger quickly took its place, driving her outside onto the wooden porch swing. Her favorite refuge. The gentle back-and-forth movement settled her thoughts. It wasn’t fair. All she’d ever wanted was to work for a magazine. Her whole life since high school had been geared toward her career. She’d studied hard and sacrificed much to achieve her goal. Now it was all being taken away. Why was God doing this to her? Was this her punishment for ignoring Him all this time?
Tears stung the backs of her eyes. She squeezed them shut, unwilling to give in. She never cried. But since her diagnosis she’d started bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. It was infuriating.
“Chester!”
She looked up at the shout to see a small, scruffy gray dog dart up the steps of the porch and stop at her feet. The little dog growled and barked, inching forward then back as he defended his territory.
Shelby chuckled softly. “Oh, hush. I’m not going to hurt you.” Slowly she opened her hand, palm up, and inched it toward the dog. “See, it’s okay.”
The dog stopped growling and studied her. He retreated, then cocked his head and slowly moved forward. “There. Nothing to be upset about.” The dog’s tail began to wag furiously and he licked her hand. “Good doggie.” She stroked his small head. It was soft and warm.
“Chester! You’d better get yourself back over here before you get in trouble.”
Shelby looked up as a young girl came toward the house from the driveway. She appeared to be about eleven years old.
“Chester!” She hurried up the steps, placing her hands on her waist when she saw the dog. “You are in big trouble, mister.” She glanced at Shelby. “I’m sorry he barked at you, ma’am.”
“That’s okay. I think we worked it out. He’s a good watchdog. He knew I was a stranger so he was probably trying to protect you.”
The girl shrugged. “I guess.” She studied Shelby intently for a long moment. “Does Mrs. Bower know you’re here?”
Shelby smiled. “Yes. I’m going to be staying here for a while. I’m her granddaughter.”
The girl frowned. “I don’t remember you.”
“I’ve been away a long time. I live in New York City.” Shelby swallowed the regret that had been nagging at her since coming home. “My name is Shelby. And I take it this is Chester?”
“Yeah,” she groaned in disgust and frowned. “I didn’t name him. My brother did. My name is Cassidy.”
Shelby couldn’t help but smile at her grown-up indignation. “Nice to meet you, Cassidy.”
