her anymore. He had forfeited that. “I have to talk to you, Liv,” he said, his voice conveying the raw intensity of his feelings. “Can we please go outside, take a walk.”
“Of course, darling.” She slipped her arm around his waist. “What’s the matter?” Love for him surged inside her, then a flash of naked fear. His handsome face was a mask of pain.
The only way to tell her was head-on. “I have bad news, Liv.” He led her out onto the colonnaded front terrace.
“It’s not your mother?” Olivia’s beautiful light grey eyes were full of concern. Antonella Corey didn’t keep good health.
“It’s not Mama.” Jason shook his head. “She’s okay.” But not for long. His mother would be devastated. His grandmother would go ballistic. “It’s something else. Let’s walk in the garden.”
“You’re frightening me, Jason.” She tucked her arm through his, staring at his resolute profile, the grimness of the strong jawline.
“I’m more sorry than I can possibly say.” Even then he couldn’t begin to calculate the full extent of the pain.
She shook his arm. “Jason, about what?” Olivia’s mind was racing. When she’d last spoken to Jason, only a few hours ago, he’d been on top of the world. Now he looked utterly desolate. Even his golden tan was bleached by emotion.
Jason paused beside the archway of pillar roses, staring at the roses without even seeing them. They had been brought to perfection for the wedding. The entire length of the archway was hung with cascading clusters of gorgeous blush pink double flowers with a wonderful fragrance. “I don’t know how to tell you this, Liv,” he began. “It’s the worst thing I’ve ever had to say in my life. But I can’t marry you.”
She stared up at him blankly. Then she shook her head slightly as if to clear it. “Jason, darling, you’re not making any sense. You’re marrying me tomorrow. I love you. You love me.”
“I can’t marry you, Liv.” Grief was overflowing inside him. He raised his hand as if to stroke her cheek. Let it drop. “Months ago I did something crazy. Unforgivable.”
Olivia clasped her hands together prayerfully. “Tell me,” she urged, apprehension invading her black fringed luminous eyes.
“I love you, Liv,” he muttered. He felt like he was dying. “I love you more than life itself. I always knew I didn’t deserve you.”
“You do. You do! What are you talking about?” Olivia grasped the front of his shirt, clinging on.
“Megan Duffy came to me this afternoon,” he said starkly. “She told me she’s pregnant.”
Olivia’s eyes widened. “Megan Duffy! What does she have to do with us? Megan Duffy?” Abruptly she spun about, presenting her slender back to him. “I don’t think I want to know. Is God punishing me for being so happy?”
“Liv, please. You’re breaking my heart. I wish, how I wish, I didn’t have to tell you this, but I’m the father, Liv.”
For moments Olivia stood utterly still like a statue, then fiercely she faced him, her eyes those of a woman who had been dealt a mortal blow. “I have no idea what is going on,” she said in a voice so tight it droned. “What do you mean you’re the father? How can that be? You love me. We’re getting married, remember? Harry has spent thousands and thousands making sure everything is just perfect for us. You’re lying.”
Desperate to touch her, even if he could never touch her again, he grasped her hands tightly. “You can’t think worse of me than I think of myself.”
“Jason, Jason, stop!” she cried. “I can’t bear it!” She wrenched her hands away from him, recoiling several steps. Tears welled into her eyes but she blinked them back furiously. Anger was starting to lift, to soar. She felt as if her life was shattering like shards of glass all around her. She wanted to lash out at him. Hurt him. Hadn’t he wounded her to death? “Bring Megan here,” she demanded, a shudder rippling through her body. “I want to look into her eyes. Lucy, our chief bridesmaid warned me I was taking a chance on Megan Duffy but stupid old trusting me felt sorry for her. She hasn’t had much of a life. Her father’s a bloody maniac. Have you thought of that? He could kill you. How could you make Megan Duffy pregnant? How could it possibly happen? When did it happen? That’s the thing. We’re never apart. Why did you never say a word? Did you take leave of your senses, Jason? Did you lose control? Why? You had me. You love me. You’ve told me so many times I couldn’t possibly keep count. You don’t like Megan Duffy. How could you possibly make love to a girl you don’t even like?”
Her words pierced him like a dagger to the heart. “Booze, what else?” he said in desolation. “I must have thought she was you…but, no!” Immediately he rejected that notion. “That wouldn’t be right, she could never be you. I was drunk, Liv, I’ll have to live with that all my life. As for when it happened? It was months ago, after Sean Duffy’s birthday party. I told you I’d look in. The terrible part is I didn’t want to go but I felt obligated to at least make an appearance. He’s on my team.”
She willed herself not to break into a storm of weeping. That would have to wait until later when she was alone. “On your team? To think I was so proud of the way you excelled at sports. You’re a wonderful athlete but Sean Duffy…you know he’s into drugs. Why get mixed up with the likes of him?” Olivia struck Jason so hard in the chest, he reeled off balance. “Someone stop me from screaming,” she cried out in torment. “You had sex with Megan Duffy, my bridesmaid? That’s too much.” Olivia wrapped her arms around her body, holding herself upright with a tremendous effort. She had to counteract the feeling she was going to pass out. Her beautiful skin registered her agitation. It had turned white as milk. “Am I dreaming?” She stared upwards at the cloudless blue sky as though it could give her the answer. “I’m in the middle of a nightmare, aren’t I? Tell me!”
Jason shook his auburn head in shame and despair. “I don’t know how it happened, Liv. I can’t believe it happened.” His wide shoulders slumped. “I’d give anything to turn back the clock. I’ll never forgive myself for causing you so much pain.”
“Pain? What do you mean, pain?” she gritted. “What about the bloody humiliation?” She who rarely swore was having difficulty stopping. “Don’t let’s beat about the bush. You’ve made the greatest fool of me. I gave you my heart. My soul. My pathetic body. At least I didn’t set you up for a shotgun wedding, that’s what you’ll have with the Duffys. And good luck to you and Megan. I’d have gone with you to the ends of the earth if you’d asked me. I was a total, total fool about you. As for that little traitor Megan, I felt I was helping her but all the while she was probably using me. You were right when you once called her secretive. I’ve been so happy, so brimming with joy, I couldn’t see what was right under my nose.” Olivia let out a strangled breath. “Ah, Jason!” Sorrow replaced anger. “To think I loved you. Your blue eyes! I thought your beautiful blue eyes were windows to your soul. Only there’s no-one home in your soul.”
He inhaled jaggedly, feeling the most profound shame. “Not anymore.” He’d lost her. He was demolished.
Olivia’s radiance too was totally extinguished. “I’ve loved you all my life,” she said brokenly. “To think Harry loves you. He’s done so much for you. He was proud to welcome you into the family. How you’ve betrayed us, betrayed yourself.”
“I know.” He felt like a man of no substance. Like his father.
“You
