Her heart was thudding.
A lay sister answered Nell’s knock. Nell asked a little breathlessly, “Will you be so kind as to tell Mother that I wish to see her?”
“Of course,” the lay sister replied and disappeared up the stairs. She returned a few minutes later and told Nell that Mother Superior would receive her in her sitting room. By now Nell’s heart was hammering and she drew a deep breath to steady herself before she went up the stairs.
St. Cecelia’s was a well-endowed convent and the Mother Superior could have afforded a decent degree of luxury, but Mother Margaret de Ligne made do with only the bare essentials: several carved wooden chairs, two chests and a wall hanging depicting St. George on a white horse. The stone floor was bare of rushes.
Mother Margaret herself was almost as austere-looking as the room she sat in, but her face softened as Nell came in. “So,” she said. “You have returned from burying your sister.”
“Yes, Mother. And something has happened that I must discuss with you.”
“Come and sit down,” Mother Margaret said. “How are your mother and your father? Such a terrible thing for them, to lose your sister at so young an age. I am praying for them.”
“Thank you, Mother,” Nell replied.
“I see you are not wearing your wimple.”
Nell clutched her hands tightly together in her lap. “My mother made me take it off. Mother, something terrible has happened. My father has said that I can’t remain at the convent, that I must stay at home and take Sybilla’s place!”
There was a little silence, then Mother Margaret said softly, “I thought this might happen.”
Nell stared at her in shocked surprise.
Mother Margaret went on. “Your father is a very important man, Nell. He owns extensive lands, castles and manors. He has lost a son and a daughter and he needs an heir to carry on the family’s holdings and its bloodline. So I am not surprised that he wants you to come home.”
Nell found her voice. “But I was dedicated to God, Mother! Surely I ought not turn my back upon Him!”
Mother Margaret said gently, “When you were dedicated, your father had a son and another daughter. Now he has only you.”
Nell was stunned. Mother was sounding as if she approved of this change in Nell’s status! She said tensely, “I was hoping that you would speak to my father. I was hoping you would tell him that the ways of God come before the ways of men.”
Mother Margaret leaned a little forward. “My dear child,” she said. “we will miss you very much. You have given much joy to this convent. But you must obey your father, Nell. The Commandments tell us, honor thy father and thy mother.”
Nell felt betrayed. She had been so sure that Mother Superior would fight for her. “If you could just talk to him, perhaps he will change his mind,” she pleaded.
Mother Margaret shook her head decisively. Her light blue eyes held sympathy for Nell, but her words were adamant. “I will not interfere. You can continue to serve God, no matter what your station in life, Nell. You will be in a high position, a position where you can affect many lives—many more lives than you would affect in this convent. Perhaps God has had this plan for you all along. You learned here how to be a religious woman. Now it is time for you to take what you have learned and apply it to the life you will lead as mistress of many people.”
“But I don’t want to leave here,” Nell cried in deep distress. “I have been happy here!”
Mother folded her hands in her lap. “I am glad about that, but now your duty lies elsewhere, Nell. Your family needs you more than we do.”
There was a little silence. Nell hunched her shoulders and stared into her lap. “I thought you would take my side.”
“Look at me,” Mother Superior said.
Reluctantly, Nell lifted her eyes.
“Your job will be to work good in the world,” Mother said.
“That is a much harder task than praying from within the shelter of a convent, but I’m sure you’re equal to it.”
No, I’m not, Nell thought. I don’t want to go into the world.
Mother Superior continued. “One thing you can do is bring healing to those who need it. Sister Helen tells me that you are almost as accomplished an herb woman as she is. We have Sister Helen—we don’t need another healer. But many people in the world need the skill you have, Nell. That will be something you can do for God.”
Nell stared into Mother’s light eyes. She truly thought that Nell should go. She’s wrong, Nell thought rebelliously. I’m sure God wants me to stay here.
“Be a good daughter to your parents,” Mother Superior said. “They have need of you now.”
Nell’s chin set stubbornly and she did not answer. Mother Margaret stood up and Nell followed. Mother Margaret was half a head taller than the girl. “I am sure you will want to say goodbye to all your friends. Come, have dinner with us in the refectory and I will relax the order for silence so you may converse.”
There was nothing more that Nell could say. Mother Margaret’s mind was clearly made up. Tears stung behind Nell’s eyes. She was going to have to leave the convent.
Mother Superior said, “I am sure you will want to give your news to Sister Helen. I believe at this hour she is in the herb garden. Go and find her.”
“Thank you, Mother.” Nell pushed the words through the choking feeling in her throat.
She went back down the stairs and let herself out through the thick wooden door. This is terrible, she thought in panic as she crossed the courtyard and took the path that led between the convent and the squat storage building. How can I bear to leave here? How can I bear to leave Sister Helen?
The path descended gently to the convent’s large kitchen garden. At the far end of the garden was a fenced-off area and a small hut with smoke coming out of the smoke hole. Nell crossed the kitchen garden, went through the fence and into the hut.
A nun was standing with her back to the door, watching a glass pot as it cooked on a small stove. At the sight of the familiar figure, tears flooded Nell’s eyes.
“Sister Helen,” she said.
The nun turned. “Nell! You’re back. How are you? How are your parents?” She left the burner and came to stand beside Nell and look into her face.
Sister Helen was small, like Nell, and their eyes met easily. Nell looked into the pretty, unlined face of the person she loved best in the world and felt her stomach clench. The tears spilled down her cheeks.
“Oh, Sister Helen,” she cried. “Something terrible has happened. My father has said I must leave the convent and go to live with him and my mother. They want me to take my sister’s place!”
There was a moment of silence. The mixture of herbs gave off a pungent smell that filled the hut.
“Oh,
