like, ‘Who is Iris kidding? Why would he hook up with her?’ Don’t you think it hurt enough without that?”
“God,” he said, shock still paralyzing him. “Iris...”
“Oh, shut up and get off me!”
He rolled off her and sat on the grass. He pulled his knees up and leaned his arms on them. “Jesus, what an asshole I must’ve been.”
Iris sat up. “Yes to that.”
“Iris, seriously, I’m sorry. I took advantage of you. Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head and a couple of tears slipped out of her eyes. She brushed them away impatiently. In the moment, it had been like a dream come true! “Not physically. I think you were just moving on instinct and I didn’t stop you. I didn’t realize you didn’t know what you were doing. Or who you were doing it with,” she added with a bit of a choked voice. She looked away.
“Oh, I didn’t know what I was doing, but I must’ve known who I was with.” He shook his head. “I guess that explains the weird dreams.”
“What dreams?”
“Dreams about... Let’s save that discussion. It’s pretty embarrassing. Are you sure I didn’t force myself on you? Like a drunk seventeen-year-old moron?”
“No,” she said weakly. “I must admit I had stupidly been waiting forever for you to discover all those skinny, acrobatic cheerleaders weren’t right for you and you belonged with me, so...” She shrugged. “Thus, my broken heart. Then my anger. Maybe we can get over this now that you know. And you can leave me alone.”
“You’re sure I didn’t hurt you?”
She just shook her head.
He looked down at his knees. “It must have been thrilling for you,” he said sarcastically. “A teenage drunk climbing all over you.”
“Yeah, well...I’d always heard the first time is awful.”
“Jesus, Iris. I don’t know how I’m going to make this up to you. Sometimes it feels like every time I turn around I have one more stupid move to make amends for. This one is really going to take some thought.”
“Yeah? Well, listen, Seth. Let me make it easy for you because I have thought about it. It would be best if you just let it go, get on with your life and stop expecting me to be that girl again. I’m not, okay? I’m not your best friend anymore. I’m not going to be the one to pull your fat out of the fire every time you’re in trouble. You’re on your own. Just leave me alone.” She pulled herself to her feet.
“I don’t blame you for being angry,” he said.
“It wasn’t just the prom, you stupid shithead,” she said quietly, looking down at him. “It was everything. You used me as your tutor, your counselor so you could talk about your problems with all the pretty, popular girls, your playmate if you were bored. That night you said I was the only girl you’d ever really loved and then you just used me and tossed me out the next day.”
“Iris—”
“I’m over it, Seth. I’m over you. If you think I’m ever going to risk that kind of hurt again, you’ve lost your mind.”
Then she walked away and didn’t look back.
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