shook her head. ‘No, it’s not you. I’ve just found out who planted the drugs.’ She quickly summarised her conversation with Simone, then glanced at her mother as she accepted her halting commiserations. ‘What’s going on, Lily? You seem...different.’
Her mother’s laugh was strained as she followed Ana into the living room. ‘You mean less of the nightmare you grew up with?’
Ana shrugged. ‘Your words, not mine.’
For the first time in her life Lily seemed nervous. ‘I...I started a drug rehabilitation programme last month. One of the steps in the programme is making amends. I wish I could say that I didn’t need a bullet point on a piece of paper to make me realise I’ve been the worst mother in the world to you. I just... Once I started down that destructive path I didn’t know how to make things right.’ She stopped and firmed her trembling mouth.
Ana closed her own gaping mouth and stared at her mother, hope spreading its wings again. ‘I...I don’t know what to say.’
‘Please say you’ll give me a chance? That you won’t write me off completely?’
Ana’s heart squeezed and she blinked back tears. ‘I won’t write you off.’
Her mother’s sigh of relief was audible. ‘I don’t deserve it, but thank you.’ She fidgeted, glanced around, then eyed the suitcase by the door. ‘Are you going away again?’
‘Yes, Bastien will be here in an hour. What?’ Her insides jerked at the wary flicker in Lily’s eyes.
‘I spoke to Philippe two days ago.’
‘Bastien’s father?’
Lily nodded, her blue eyes darkening with pain. ‘Part of the making amends process... Couldn’t be avoided. Ana, he told me about Bastien’s visit.’
‘Yes, Bastien went to see them. I think we’re all ready to put the past behind us—’ She stopped when her mother shook her head.
‘I really hope for all our sakes that’s true, but Philippe is worried about Bastien. He thinks he’s carrying a lot of hurt from sixteen years ago. I’m sorry, I know you have feelings for him, but I want you to be careful.’
Don’t confuse love with sex or duty...
The voice was a loud clamour in her head and in her heart. And, try as she might, Ana couldn’t stem the growing fear that she was indeed jumping without a parachute.
‘I really hope you find joy and happiness where I sowed only pain, and I don’t want to see you hurt.’
Lily’s eyes bored into hers with a look Ana had thought she’d never see from her mother.
Affection.
Her throat clogged and she stood. ‘Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.’
Her mother rose too. ‘That was the other thing I came to tell you. I’ve re-signed with Lauren. Apparently there’s still hope for modelling work for women of a certain age. If you need me to stay on as your manager...’
Ana shook her head. ‘No, I’m giving up modelling. I’m hoping to work with Papá for a while.’
Lily’s eyes clouded over with tears. ‘Your father is next on my list.’
Ana stepped forward and grabbed her mother’s hand, swallowing a sob when hers was caught in a tight hold. ‘I’m proud of you...Mother.’
Lily hugged her tight, then moved back. ‘Call me...when you get to wherever you’re going.’
The moment her mother left Ana sagged numbly onto the sofa, her gaze frozen in the middle distance.
Her mother had inadvertently confirmed her worst fears—that she was looking for love where none existed. Bastien had shown her gentleness and consideration. He’d made love to her as if she was the most precious thing in his life. But the fear that he’d never take the next step and love her was one she could no longer deny.
Her phone buzzed. Willing her heavy limbs to move, she fetched it from her bag.
It’s B. R u OK?
Tears filled her eyes. She was willing to bet Bastien had never sent an abbreviated text in his life. That he was bending to accommodate her touched her heart even as it cracked painfully.
Wiping her tears with the back of her hand, she activated her keypad and carefully typed in: Yes. C u in 1 hr
Fingers shaking, she closed the application and turned off her phone. Pain twisted like potent poison inside her. Giving in to the raw anguish, she burst into tears, her soul ripping into a million little pieces.
She wasn’t sure how long she stayed on the sofa. It might have been close to an hour but it felt like an eternity. When she had no more tears left she slowly rose, grabbed her suitcase, went into her room and upended the contents onto her bed. On automatic, she refilled it with sensible, everyday clothes. The rest of her things she’d arrange to be packed and put into storage when she could think straight.
She blanked her mind to the fact that she would never see Bastien again, never feel the intensity of his lovemaking or feel the gentleness afterwards when he cradled her in his arms.
The pain of their violent separation would come later...when she was miles away.
But she’d come too far, been through too much, to settle for a life without love. They’d bared so much to each other in the past few days. Surely if Bastien loved her he’d have told her by now? Recalling his silence when she’d confessed her love, she bit back a dry sob and heaved her case off the bed. She retrieved her bag and laptop from the living room, breathing a sigh of relief that she still had her passport.
Taking one last look at the flat, she headed for the door.
The travel agents were a few minutes’ walk away. Ana entered the building and came out fifteen minutes later, clutching a plane ticket.
BASTIEN’S TEETH GRITTED together as he fought to remain calm—fought against the primal urge to roar against the pain that ripped through him every time he thought of Ana.
He felt weak, debilitated, as if struck down by some alien disease. Even his heart wasn’t sure whether to beat fast or slow, so it alternated between the two, constantly robbing him of breath. He thought of what he’d do when he found her. First he’d kiss her, and then he’d shake her until he got an answer. Then kiss her again—
He heard laughter as he approached the dusty, dilapidated trailer in the middle of the Colombian jungle. Familiar female laughter. His heart thundered and the surge of joy through his veins was so thrilling, the knowledge that he’d found her at last so heady, he smiled before he could stop himself.
Mon Dieu...three long weeks he’d searched for her.
The deep male voice that joined in the laughter stopped Bastien dead in his tracks. There was a man
