Justin. I asked her to show me some menus that might be suitable for supper and approved the one I thought best. Did you wish to approve it yourself?’
‘No, I trust you to have made the proper decision with Mrs Mann’s help. She has been here many years and my mother said she was a treasure.’
‘Yes, I am certain she is very capable.’ Lucinda hesitated, wondering whether she ought to ask about the attic rooms, then decided to leave it for the moment. ‘I should be grateful for your mother’s diaries if you would give them to me, Avonlea. I had no idea that a theme was needed for the ball until Andrew mentioned it.’
‘You are on first-name terms with Lanchester?’
‘Oh, yes. Jane and I are such good friends. I do not use his name often, but since you and he are such close friends and neighbours it would seem foolish to stand on ceremony.’
‘Neighbours, yes. We were not always friends. We fought a duel over a woman once, but we both fired in the air and made it up afterwards. In truth, she wasn’t worth wasting the shot.’
‘That is rather unkind, Avonlea.’
‘She was an opera singer—which is a polite name for her true trade, if you must know.’
‘I see…I suppose she was your mistress.’
‘Andrew’s actually until I cut him out.’
‘Then you were at fault.’
‘It was for a bet. Some of the fellows wagered that I could not do it—so of course I had to prove them wrong. I’m not sure he has forgiven me.’
‘Would you have forgiven him, had it been the other way round?’
‘Lord, yes, he hardly cared for her.’
‘I think Lord Lanchester would not have fought over a woman he did not care for.’
‘He is no white knight, Lucinda. I should be careful of walking in woods alone with him.’
‘Avonlea! You are not suggesting that he—or I—would think of…’ She gave him a reproachful look. ‘I am not a lightskirt, whatever you may think of me.’
‘No, of course. Forgive me.’ He looked conscious. ‘I did not mean it that way, Lucinda. Andrew is a normal man and he likes you. Alone in the woods he might be tempted to take advantage.’
‘He is my friend, but he is also yours. Excuse me, I think I shall go to bed.’
He was on his feet and caught her arm as she got up to leave. ‘No, Lucinda, forgive me. I did not mean to offend you. It was a careless remark, nothing more.’
‘What happened—the rape—I did nothing to encourage him. I give you my word.’
‘I believe you. I am a fool,’ Justin apologised. ‘I do not mean to quarrel with you, Lucinda. It is just my pride. Of course I do not think you of easy virtue.’
She sighed, her throat tight with emotion. ‘I think I have killed your affection for me. I fear this marriage will not work.’
‘We shall not let it fail.’ The pressure of his fingers was almost painful as he looked down at her. For a moment passion blazed in his eyes and then he bent his head, brushing his mouth softly over hers. Her lips parted on a sigh and his tongue entered her mouth as he deepened the kiss. Lucinda’s fingers moved at his nape as she relished his caress, a little shiver running through her. Her body had begun to heat and she wanted to cling to him, but held back for fear of displeasing him. His eyes darkened and he frowned as he withdrew. ‘Go to bed, Lucinda. I shall not disturb you.’
Her disappointment was sharp. For a moment she’d thought he had forgiven her, but then she’d sensed his withdrawal. What had she done wrong?
‘Very well, good night, Justin.’
Walking away from him, she felt the sting of tears, but fought against them. She must learn not to be hurt by his moods and his harsh words. If this was to be her life, she had to learn to cope with her secret grief and show a smiling face to the world.
Lucinda walked swiftly, wanting to be home before Justin came to look for her. Their quarrel of the previous evening was still sharp in her mind and she had no wish to cause a breach between them.
It was as she was walking across the smooth lawns that she saw her husband coming towards her and knew that she had been discovered.
‘You are up early, Lucinda?’
‘You know that I enjoy a walk early in the morning,’ she said with a smile that covered her trepidation. ‘Do you not recall the morning that you took me to see the swans?’
‘The swans…?’ Justin was puzzled, then he smiled. ‘Yes, of course. You were staying with Jane Lanchester and expressed a wish to see the new cygnets on the lake. I came for you early and we had breakfast here.’
Lucinda nodded. ‘It was that day you proposed to me, Justin. We had such a lovely time. We went for a long walk and you arranged a picnic by the lake. I fed croissants to the swans and you said they would do much better on the special pellets you keep for them—but you did not scold me.’
‘It is not my wish to scold you, Lucinda.’ Justin looked rueful as he offered her his arm. ‘I shall try to do better, my love—if you will forgive me for my shocking temper.’
‘Of course I forgive you. You are my husband.’
‘Perhaps you would like to go for a drive later?’
‘Yes, thank you. I should enjoy that very much.’
‘Then it will be my pleasure to take you.’
Lucinda’s hand trembled slightly on his arm. His manner was charming and he was once more the man she had married—but his mood would turn to anger again if he guessed where she had been that morning.
How much longer could she keep her guilty secret?
For the next ten days Lucinda had coped by getting up very early. She was at the cottage by seven each morning and returned by nine-thirty, giving her maid instructions that she would breakfast alone in her room at a quarter to ten. Since most ladies did not leave their rooms much before noon, she was able to see her beloved daughter and attend to her duties in the house without occasioning notice.
On the day of the ball she returned at nine-thirty as usual to discover Justin sitting in a chair in her boudoir. He rose as she entered, his eyes taking note of the plainness of her gown and her hair hanging loose about her face.
‘Is it your habit to rise so early on the day of an important ball? I should have thought you would take the opportunity to rest, Lucinda.’
‘You know I like to walk,’ she replied with quiet dignity. ‘Since it is necessary for me to fulfil my duties here, I have found it convenient to walk before breakfast. The business of the day is done before nuncheon and I am free to spend my afternoon with you should you wish for company—or to receive friends.’
‘I like to ride before
