it was more like a hiccup, but still it was an improvement over the crying.
“That made me sound like a stalker,” she admitted. “Of course I can live without Cameron.” Her humor faded. “I wish I didn’t love him. Or that he loved me back. This sucks.”
“Yes, it does. It hurts and you feel awful.”
Rina looked at her friend and sniffed. “Are you trying to make me feel better? Because it’s not really working.”
Jesse touched her arm. “Dealing with this will get easier. Once the holidays are over, you can find a place to move your business to and start to cut ties.”
Rina nodded and wiped away tears. “You’re right. I’m not going to give up seeing Kaitlyn, though. I want to talk to Cameron about working out a schedule. Maybe I can take her a couple of afternoons a week.”
“See, you have a plan.”
Or at least part of one, Rina thought glumly.
The sound of several women laughing caused her to look to the bar side of the room. At least thirty women were setting up for what looked to be a bridal shower. Rina remembered all three of the Hendrix triplets were getting married over the holidays. Not that she begrudged them their happiness, but ouch.
“This hurts,” she admitted. “What a stupid time of year to put it all on the line. I love Christmas. It was always a big thing in my house and I know my grandparents are looking forward to it.”
“So you’ll be with them and that will be nice.”
“I know, it’s just...” She swallowed and fought more tears. “We’re supposed to go Friday to pick out the tree. That will be hard.”
Jesse leaned toward her. “I know it will.”
“You’re not going to try and talk me out of it?”
“No. If you think you can stand it, you should stick with what’s planned. For Kaitlyn. She adores you and getting a Christmas tree is a big deal for an eight-year-old.” Jesse studied her. “You’ve seen him?”
“Since I made my pronouncement yesterday? Briefly. When he came home from work and again this morning when I went to get her ready for school. He hasn’t said anything.”
This morning he’d simply handed her a cup of coffee and said he would see her at the office. Kaitlyn had been the one to remind her about their date to pick out a tree.
“I’m avoiding him at work,” Kaitlyn said. “It’s a month, right? I can stand this for a month.”
Jesse shifted in her seat. “He came to talk to me this morning.”
Rina stared at her. “And? What did he say?”
“That he wasn’t online anymore. Looking.”
Looking, as in... “Oh. You mean he’s not trying to find someone.”
“Right.”
Rina picked up her glass of wine, then put it down. She was sure it was wonderful, but she’d yet to take a sip. The thought of it made her stomach flip, and not in a good way.
“I wasn’t sure if I should tell you,” Jesse admitted.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to get my hopes up. Cameron isn’t a bad guy. He’s stupid, but not evil. I made it pretty clear that rejecting me and going in search of an online girlfriend in the same day was awful and I’m guessing he believed me.”
“He did.”
“So we’ll fake our way through this. After the first of the year, I won’t have to deal with him anymore.”
The thought should have relieved her but instead she felt sad and empty. Because dealing with Cameron and his daughter had become the best part of her world.
“It’s snowing!” Kaitlyn stared up at the sky, her eyes wide, her lips curving into a huge grin.
Tiny, wispy flakes drifted to the ground. Rina knew they wouldn’t stick and that in a matter of minutes the snow would stop, but for as long as it lasted, it was beautiful. An unexpected gift designed to remind her life did indeed keep moving on.
She and Kaitlyn walked through the Christmas-tree lot. Holiday music blasted out of battered speakers and plastic reindeer and Santas blinked on and off. The two college-age guys helping customers wore sweatshirts with snowmen on the front.
Kaitlyn clapped her mitten-covered hands together. “They’re all so beautiful. How will we decide? Daddy said the ceilings are twelve feet tall, so we can’t get anything taller than that.”
“We could if we put the tree at an angle.”
Kaitlyn laughed. “It would look funny and all the decorations would fall off.”
“If you’re going to be picky.”
The girl wrapped her arms around Rina’s waist and squeezed. Rina hugged her back, holding on to the moment, knowing that even if she saw Cameron’s daughter a couple of days a week, their relationship would never be the same.
“Daddy!”
Kaitlyn released her and raced to her father. Rina gave herself a second to brace herself, then turned to look at Cameron.
Tiny snowflakes dotted his hair and landed on his leather jacket. His green eyes were more guarded than usual, as if he was unsure of how things were going to be between them. Determined to take the emotional high road, Rina gave him a smile.
“We were discussing tree size,” she said cheerfully. “Apparently twelve feet is the limit.”
“I’d say ten,” he told her. “There’s an angel to put on top.”
Kaitlyn nodded. “She’s beautiful and has wings. I’d forgotten about that.”
“Ten feet is still a pretty big tree.” Rina held out her hand to Kaitlyn. “Let’s walk around and we’ll figure out which ones we like.”
The girl grabbed her father’s hand, then Rina’s, walking between them. They’d done this dozens of times before. Rina had always enjoyed the connection, but this time there was also a whisper of pain curling the edges of the moment, a reminder that in a few weeks, she would be moving on, no longer a part of the McKenzie family. Not that she’d ever been a member, but she’d foolishly allowed herself to pretend.
The college guys loaded the chosen tree into the back of Cameron’s truck. Rina hovered awkwardly, not sure exactly when she was supposed to leave. Cameron was paying for the tree and Kaitlyn had run into a couple of her friends from school. The three girls were huddled together, laughing about something.
Part of her wanted simply to disappear into the happy crowds on the street, but ducking out without saying good-bye seemed rude. Cameron was doing his best to act normal. She should do the same. Technically, she’d been the one to change the rules by telling him how she felt. Not that she regretted being honest, but it seemed the least she could do was play along.
