to get his attention. “It’s just that they’ve got some pretty stringent notions about propriety. Their reputations, and the family name, mean a lot to them.”
“More than their son, evidently.” Then Judd shook his head. “No, Emily, don’t start defending them again. I really don’t give a damn what kind of parents you have. But it seems to me, if they’re willing to sweep the incident under the carpet, you should be, too. What can you hope to prove, anyway?”
This was the tricky part, trying to make him understand how important it was for John to see now, before it was too late, exactly what road he was choosing. She didn’t want to see the same disdain in Judd’s eyes when she mentioned her brother as he apparently felt for her parents. Why his opinion mattered to her, she didn’t know. But it did.
Keeping her voice low, she said, “John bought the gun, I think, because he wanted my parents’ attention. You’d have to understand how hard he tried to find his…niche. I remember last Christmas, John was crushed when my parents sent him a gift from Europe.” Her lips tilted in a vague smile. “It was a check, a substantial check, but still, it was only money. John sat in front of the stupid Christmas tree, seven feet high and professionally decorated, and he cried. I didn’t let him know I was there because I knew it would embarrass him.”
Judd looked down at his feet. “I never had a Christmas tree until Max took me in. It was only a spindly little thing, but I liked it. It beat the hell out of seeing my father passed out drunk in the front room where the Christmas tree should have been but wasn’t.”
“Oh, Judd.”
“Now, don’t start, Em. We’re talking about John, remember? I only mentioned that memory because I guess I always assumed people with money had a better holiday. I mean, more gifts, better food, a lot of cheer and all that.” He shook his head. “Shoots that theory all to hell, doesn’t it?”
“People usually think having money is wonderful, but that’s not always true. Sometimes…money spoils things. It can make people self-centered, maybe even neglectful. Because it’s so easy to do what you want, when you want, it’s easy to forget about the others who…might depend on you. It’s easy to forget that everyone can’t be bought, and money doesn’t solve every problem.”
Judd didn’t say a word, but his hand, so large and warm and rough, curled around her fingers and held on. Emily started, surprised at the gentleness of his touch, at how comforting it felt to make physical contact with him. She glanced up, and his eyes held hers. There was no more derision, and certainly no pity. Only understanding.
It was nearly her undoing.
“My…my brother, he’s a good kid, Judd, just a bit misguided. And though he’s trying to play it tough right now, he’s scared. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever look the same as he did before the accident. My parents keep assuring him they’ll find a good plastic surgeon to take care of everything, but he’s hurting. Not physically, but inside. He wanted my parents’ attention, but all he’s gained is their annoyance. They never once asked him why he bought the gun or how. They only complained about him doing something so stupid. And they made it clear, had he wanted a gun, they could have bought the finest hunting rifle available, and supplied him with lessons on how to handle it.”
“They missed the point entirely.”
Emily felt his deep voice wash over her, and she smiled. “Yes, they did.”
“Okay. So what will nailing the guy who sold him the gun prove to your brother?”
“That I love him. That I know what’s right and wrong, and that he knows it, too, if he’ll only open his eyes and realize that he is a good person, that he doesn’t need affirmation from anyone but himself.”
“Is that what you learned, honey? Do you understand your brother so well, because you’ve gone through the same thing?”
Emily forced a laugh and tried to pull her hand free, but Judd wouldn’t let her go. He wouldn’t let her look away, either. His gaze held her as securely as his fingers held her hand. “I’ve never felt the need to purchase a gun, Judd.”
“No, but you must have wanted approval from your family as much as your brother does. What did you do, Emily, to get them to notice you?”
She cleared her throat and tried to change the subject. “This is ridiculous. It doesn’t have anything to do with our deal.”
“To hell with the deal. What did you do, Em?”
Panic began to edge through her. Not for anything would she lay the humiliation she’d suffered out for him to see. Besides, she’d buried the memory deep. It was no longer a part of her. At least, she hoped it wasn’t.
“I’ve made my fair share of mistakes,” she told him. “But I’ve forgiven myself and gotten on with my life. That’s all any of us can do.” Once she said that, she came to her feet, knowing she had to do something, occupy herself somehow, or she’d become maudlin. A display of emotions wouldn’t serve her purpose.
But as she stood, so did Judd, and before she could move away, he had her tugged close. The morning whiskers on his jaw felt slightly abrasive, and arousing, as he brushed against her cheek. The warmth of his palms seeped through her dress to her back where he carefully stroked her in a comforting, soothing manner. She could smell his musky, male scent, and breathed deeply, filling herself with him, uncaring what had brought on this show of concern. It simply felt too good to have him hold her.
“You should always remember, Em, what a good person you are. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.”
His raspy tone sounded close to her ear, sending gooseflesh up her arms. And her emotions must have been closer to the surface than she’d wanted to admit, because she could feel the sting of tears behind her lids.
Not wanting Judd to know how he affected her, she hid her face in his shoulder and tried a laugh. It sounded a little wobbly, but it was the best she could produce. “You hardly know me, Judd. What makes you think I’m such a fine specimen of humanity?”
He rocked her from side to side, and she could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke. “Are you kidding me? You’re obviously damn loyal since you’re willing to risk your pretty little neck for your brother, just to keep him on the right track. You’ve opened your property to the neighborhood kids, not caring that they might trample your flowers or muddy up your yard. And you told me you volunteer at the soup kitchen. I’ll bet you’ve got a whole group of charity organizations you donate to, don’t you?”
Emily squeezed herself closer, loving the solid feel of his chest against her cheek, the strength of his arms around her. She couldn’t recall ever feeling so safe. “I’m the one who benefits from the organizations. I’ve met so many really good, caring people, who just need a little help to get their lives straightened out. We talk, we laugh. Sometimes…I don’t know what I’d do without them.”
Judd groaned, and then his hand was beneath her chin, tilting her face up. Emily smiled, thinking he had a few more questions for her, when his mouth closed over hers and she couldn’t think at all.
Heat was her first impression. The added warmth seemed to be everything, touching her everywhere. She felt it in her toes as he lifted her to meet him better, to fit her more fully against him. She felt it in her breasts, pressed tight against his chest. And in her stomach, as the heat curled and expanded.
His
