with scrutiny. “Most mothers would react the same way.”
She nibbled on her lower lip, appearing uncertain.
“My mom wouldn’t, of course. But she made plenty of scenes. She collapsed in the grocery store once, if I remember correctly.”
The blood drained from her cheeks. “Why?”
“Drugs, I suppose. I was only seven or eight, so the details are fuzzy. I remember watching her ride away in an ambulance.”
“What did you do?”
“I stole a candy bar while everyone was distracted and walked home.”
Her mouth dropped open.
“You take good care of your girls, Leah. My mother wouldn’t even have noticed if my sister or I disappeared.”
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“Don’t be. I turned out fine.”
“Is your mother still alive?”
He nodded, glancing away. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on him. Brenda had been a loving, conscientious parent, like Leah. And yet, she’d died young while their drug-addled mom soldiered on. “It doesn’t seem fair, does it?”
“No.”
“Was your husband—” He cut himself off, realizing the inappropriateness of the question.
“Was he what?”
He bit the bullet. “Was he a good dad?”
“No,” she admitted, after a short hesitation.
Brian stared at her in amazement. The answer was unexpected, but plainly sincere. “Why not?”
“He was a good man, and he loved the girls, but he gambled. The habit…devoured him. It took him away from us.”
Her confession was like a punch in the gut. He didn’t understand how a man could fail such a beautiful family.
“Sometimes I’m glad he’s dead,” she said, her voice flat. “Mandy and Alyssa weren’t old enough to understand what he was going through. In their eyes, he was perfect. If he’d lived, I’m afraid he would have continually disappointed them.”
He knew what she meant. In his twenties, he’d given up hope that his mother would change, but he’d never been able to stop caring about her. Even now, she had the power to let him down.
“You think I’m terrible.”
“I’d be a hypocrite if I thought that.”
She examined his face. “Is that why you were alone on Christmas? Being with your mother is too difficult?”
He leaned back against the couch, resting his arm on the frame. “It’s difficult, yes. I haven’t been in touch with her since Brenda’s funeral. It was frustrating to see her grieve. Too little, too late, if that makes sense.”
Her eyes softened with understanding.
“I also wanted to be alone this year. Or, I thought that was what I wanted.”
“Why?”
“Christmas is always weird for me,” he said. “I have a friend from the foster care system that I sometimes hang out with, but he got married last summer. This year he went with his wife to visit her family for the holidays.”
“You’ve never been married?”
“No.”
“What about a steady girlfriend?”
“No one lately,” he said, feeling heat creep up his neck. He hoped she wouldn’t ask how long he’d been sleeping alone. “My friend’s wife has threatened to put my picture on an internet dating site.”
She laughed, raking a hand through her hair. “You should let her.”
Brian watched her intently, fascinated by every line of her face. He had no intention of allowing Gretchen to take over his love life. If he couldn’t find a woman on his own, he didn’t deserve one. “You should let me give you a swimming lesson.”
She stopped laughing.
“It’s easy.”
“For you, maybe.”
“If you were more comfortable in the water, you could relax at the beach.” When she chewed on the edge of her thumbnail, wavering, he said, “You also need to know how to swim for your daughters’ safety.”
“Now you’re giving me a guilt-trip.”
“Whatever works.”
“Where is this pool?”
“About ten minutes away. We’d have it all to ourselves. The girls can swim, too.”
“They’d like that,” she admitted.
He wished she’d say yes because she wanted to. “I can’t imagine where I’d be if I never had that first surfing lesson. It changed my life.”
She held up a hand to ward him off. “I’m never going surfing.”
Laughing, he said, “But you’ll try swimming?”
After a short pause, she nodded. “Okay.”
He grinned, delighted to have talked her into it. “You’ll be fine.”
“I might freak out.”
“Don’t worry about it. We can take as many breaks as you need.”
They made arrangements to leave before noon the next day, and she promised to pack a picnic lunch. Brian knew it wasn’t a date, but he couldn’t squelch the feeling of excitement and anticipation in his belly.
If he wasn’t concerned about scaring her off again, he might have tried to kiss her good-night.
Leah locked the door behind Brian and set the alarm, her heart sinking.
Why had she agreed to go swimming?
After the afternoon she’d had, the last thing she wanted to do was stress out or make a fool of herself. She knew she couldn’t tolerate being submerged in water. Tomorrow she was going to thrash and sputter like a wet cat.
She also felt conflicted about encouraging him. He looked at her in an appreciative, manly way and she liked it. She might have avoided eye contact with him this week but she hadn’t been able to suppress her fantasies.
Late at night, in her bed, she thought about him.
Although he was very attractive, it wasn’t just his looks that drew her in. His personality was irresistible. He seemed so…resilient.
