stood there staring down into her compelling gaze, at a complete loss for words. All he wanted at that moment was to feel her in his arms and her lips under his. Josh stepped back, sure she would be horrified if she knew what he’d been thinking.
As he turned away, he thought he saw a look of disappointment cross her expression. But when he looked back a split second later, he was sure he’d been wrong.
Josh looked up from the commentary on Daniel he was reading when he heard movement at the door of the study. Cassidy stood framed by the light of the parlor, curiosity written on her features. He glanced around the room with its floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and cheery fire leaping in the fireplace. He wanted to remember her here in this room he loved so dearly. “Come on in. What can I do for you?”
She shrugged. “I’m sort of at loose ends. What are you doing?”
“Henry’s eyesight isn’t all that good anymore. I’m looking up some references for him.”
“References? You mean where something is in the Bible?”
Josh shook his head. “I’ve got most of that in my head. Henry, too. No, this is more like which church scholar said what. What their insights were into a certain Bible passage or a circumstance in the life of…well, like right now we’re in Daniel.”
She smiled. “One of your heroes if I remember correctly.” Cassidy’s gaze dropped to his crowded desk, then lifted to meet his eyes. “Are biblical commentaries at all like financial commentaries done by leading economists?”
“I would imagine so, except these commentaries have lasted through the centuries.” He gestured with his head toward the books piled about him. “Some of these are recent, some were written hundreds of years ago. They rarely disagree on the basic tenets of faith, but they often do on other matters. Each work is one man’s or men’s opinion.”
“Is that why you study so many different opinions?” she asked, rounding the desk. She looked over the books, then turned and leaned back against the desk.
He pushed away from the desk and rocked his chair back so he could look up at her. She looked so sweet with her oversize flannel shirt hanging to her knees and her gamine face so alive and questioning.
“That’s why,” he answered. “And it’s why Henry taught me to search the Scriptures for myself. I never take anyone’s word for what they say,” he explained, then felt a little wary as he caught the probing look in her eyes.
“How long have you been writing Henry’s sermons for him?”
Josh sat up straighter. “How did you—?”
“I started out doing research for Grandfather a few times when he had to give a speech to the board of directors. But he couldn’t put a speech of his own together from the notes I made because they were facts I thought were pertinent—opinions I agreed with.”
Josh relaxed a little, sure Cassidy wouldn’t hurt Henry by mentioning what she knew. He wondered if Irma had figured it out yet. “He just can’t do both sermons anymore. His eyes tire too easily. I do every other Wednesday’s Bible study service myself, and write the following Sunday’s message for him. By then, he’s able to do the next Wednesday’s by himself.”
“So then you prepare his Sunday message again and Wednesday’s so he can handle the following Sunday himself. Is that about the way it goes?”
“Not too much gets by you. Henry deserves any help I can give him. He and Irma saved my life as well as my sanity after I came to and had nothing to cling to but them. Henry shouldn’t have to step down as pastor until he’s ready to do it. He lives for his church and its parishioners.”
She nodded. “I can see that. So tell me about Daniel. What’s it about?”
“It’s one of the hardest books other than Revelations to study, and one of the most attacked because of how accurate the prophecy is. Many people try to say it was written later than it was. His prophecy is so accurate that he foretold to the day when Jesus Christ would ride triumphant into Jerusalem.”
She picked up the notes he’d finished on the third chapter of John for the following Wednesday night’s service. “’For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved.’”
Cassie looked up, her eyes alive with hope and questions. He wanted more than to lead her to Jesus at that moment. He wanted to see that wonder and happiness every day of his life. He also knew it was impossible.
“Do you believe this?” she asked.
Josh pushed his chair back farther from where she stood so close. Too close. He was there to counsel her on life—not wish for her to become part of his. “I wouldn’t be sitting here writing sermons and reading seven different commentaries if I didn’t. Those two verses sort of say it all. It’s one of those basic tenets I spoke of earlier. But it doesn’t stop there. You can’t imagine the peace believing those words brings to your life. When there was nothing but fear and trial in my life, Henry taught me those words, and Jesus brought me the peace I desperately needed. I knew that if my eternity was certain, then I could endure anything until that day came.”
She had such an expressive face that he knew a question was coming. “Is everyone saved just because He came? That doesn’t seem right, with all the people running around these days doing whatever they want to do. So many people commit crimes, even to the point of mass murder.”
“Everyone who professes Him as savior is redeemed. Don’t forget, Jesus also said the path to salvation is a narrow one. Here—” Josh rummaged in the top drawer looking for the copy of the New Testament Henry had given him in those early days when his faith was new.
He looked up and something he didn’t remember feeling before slammed into him. At that moment he wanted nothing but to pull her onto his lap and just hold her. It made her nearness sheer torture to his lonely heart. Josh tried to shake off those feelings and went back to his search, moving to the next drawer down.
Finally he found what he was after, and as he handed it to her he prayed she wouldn’t notice his shaking hands or see his heart’s desire in his eyes. “Why don’t you take this up with you and read some of it. If you have any questions, we can talk tomorrow.”
Cassidy blinked, and he almost winced at the confusion that clouded her eyes.
“Sure. I’ll do that,” she said, backing away. “Sorry I bothered you. I can see how busy you are.”
She retreated from the room in a rush before Josh could call her back and try to explain why he needed to cut their talk short. But then, he hadn’t a clue what excuse he’d use anyway. All he knew was that at what he feared had been a critical moment in Cassidy’s spiritual growth, he had let personal feelings intrude. He had prayed she wouldn’t see into his heart but hadn’t prayed that she would let Jesus into hers.
Josh knew he needed to talk to Henry. For the first time ever, he couldn’t do what the pastor had asked of him. Because even though he had no intention of acting upon his feelings, he was too drawn to this woman to act as a spiritual counsel. The proof was blindingly clear. He had failed her, and yet he was afraid to follow her to try to make it right.
