from his women, she thought, but she had started now and she might as well say it all. She was going to be stark staring crazy if she didn’t get this off her chest.
‘I’m over Jeff,’ she declared evenly. ‘I don’t know how it’s happened so fast—’ that was a lie but she was only going to go so far with this truth thing, and he probably knew it was because she had met him anyway ‘—but it has and I’m glad. We wouldn’t have lasted. I think I was more a mother than a girlfriend to him.’
One black eyebrow rose quizzically. ‘Whatever else, Maisie, rest assured I do not see you as a mother substitute.’
She knew that. From the way he had kissed her last night, she had no illusions on that score. ‘So from my side there’s no reason why you shouldn’t—’ hell, how did she say this? ‘—kiss me,’ she finished weakly. ‘Not from my side.’
‘Meaning you suspect I have reasons why I do not wish to be in a relationship?’
Hearing it like that was a bit daunting, to say the least, especially when he had spoken in a tone of voice which suggested she was right. Maisie felt a fresh riot in her stomach, which came with the realisation that she might have done better to let sleeping dogs lie. She got the distinct impression she was forcing him to say things she didn’t want to hear. ‘I suppose so,’ she managed after a long pause.
This time the pause went on even longer. ‘Maisie,’ said Blaine, just as she was ready to scream or burst into tears or both, ‘I can’t do togetherness. No, wrong, I do not want to do togetherness, but it’s nothing to do with you. I want you. I might as well admit I’ve wanted you from the minute I set eyes on you when you rushed into that café all flushed and warm and ruffled—’
‘Why?’ She had to interrupt him because, being a man, he was making this ten times worse. ‘Why can’t you—why don’t you want to be with someone? With me. Why don’t you want to be with me?’
‘It’s a long story.’
‘We’ve got time.’
‘I don’t talk about it.’
‘Try,’ she said through gritted teeth. Because if you don’t, the way I’m feeling right now, I’ll forget I’m a lady and do something I’ll regret.
‘I’m sorry, but it is pointless. Would you prefer me to turn the car round and take you home now?’ It was final.
Maisie stared down at her toes. ‘If you meant what you said, about even liking me a little bit, please tell me,’ she whispered. ‘I.I need to hear it.’
He swore very softly. She didn’t know Italian but she did know a swear word when she heard it in any language. They drove on in silence for some moments and Maisie was quite oblivious to the clifftop views and scenic splendour. Eventually Blaine said, ‘We will talk over dinner but not at the restaurant where I have reserved a table. I will cancel this. I will cook for you and we will talk, sì? With this you will be satisfied?’
She nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘But understand this, mia piccola. I have nothing to give you. Oh, I am a man, I have needs, but these can be sated without the heart being involved. There are many wealthy and influential career women who want commitment even less than I do; you understand what I am saying? They do not desire obligations and ties, they are content with a good time and their freedom. You are not like this, I see that. For you physical affection would mean more.’
Physical affection? He was talking about love-making without the love part. ‘Surely that reduces us to animal level?’ she said quietly. ‘Not even that really, because animals often choose to be paired for life.’
He moved his head impatiently. ‘It is possible for some men and women to enjoy each other’s bodies with only friendship, rather than love, as the root emotion. Not everyone wants roses round the door, Maisie. Remember that. Just because you feel differently, it does not mean that they are wrong, merely that they have chosen an alternative way. The sexual act between a male and female is a very enjoyable one, regardless of whether they have rings on their fingers or not.’
It sounded well thought out and reasonable. And cold. Very cold. But Blaine wasn’t a cold man, she knew that. What was really going on in his heart? And what sort of super woman had Francesca been to have the power to mess him up so completely? And—much, much more to the point—how could she, little Maisie Burns from England, even begin to compete? She couldn’t. All she could do was be herself because she had nothing to lose, she saw that now. She’d lost him. Not that she had ever had him in the first place.
Maisie turned her head and looked out of the car window. ‘I admit I don’t see things the way you do,’ she said quietly, ‘and I believe absolutely in roses round the door. I believe some people are meant for each other and relationships like that are heaven on earth.’
‘And the other kind can be hell on earth.’
‘Look at your brother. He left Italy because he’d fallen for Jackie’s mother and I know for sure they’ve been madly in love ever since. And then there’s your own parents. They’re happy, aren’t they?’
‘I do not deny this.’ He sighed, raking his hair back from his brow and narrowing his eyes. ‘But they are lucky. I am no longer prepared to take gambles. It is as simple as that. I run my life exactly how I want to and answer to no one.’
Well, bully for you. Frustration made her want to slap him. She wriggled in her seat. ‘You might have an answer for everything but you’re still wrong,’ she said vehemently.
‘I thought I might be,’ murmured Blaine, his mouth curving.
How could he remain so calm and even smile when he was effectively slamming the door on any chance they had to be with each other? She shouldn’t have come tonight. She should tell him he could do what he had suggested and turn the car round and take her back.
She glanced at him under her eyelashes. He looked hard and handsome and his very sexy mouth wasn’t smiling any more. And there was no way, no way on earth, she was going to tell him to take her home.
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