about screen time now, you will be well set as and when demands for more screen time come your way, which inevitably they will. Do this and your child will grow up accepting there is no unfettered access to screens.
If your child is older – say age eight upwards – and you are intending to introduce screen time rules, be prepared for the fact that your child may not take it well. How cross they get will in part depend on their age and how long they have been accustomed to doing what you want to restrict. I can only say stick to your guns! Older children may be more difficult to manage but that’s normal because they are learning about life, that things don’t always go their way, and they do have to learn that when you say no, you mean it.
If your child complains that everyone else in their class can play all evening or that their best friend can spend as much time as they like, your reply must be something along the lines of ‘Every family has rules and these are our rules.’ I remember being with a family who had no set rules about screen time and it backfired on them. Their daughter was happily playing on her DS and her mum said, apparently out of the blue, ‘Turn it off, you’ve had enough now.’ Of course, the girl made a huge fuss and there was a family row because she saw it as her mum ruining her fun. Because there was no warning before the time was up, the girl didn’t feel in control. An easier way for all involved would have been to tell her up front that she had a certain amount of time and give her a five–minute warning before the time was up.
Remember that children ultimately like boundaries; they like to know they have been good, and you make it easy for them to be good and be praised by having rules to stick to. To be honest, you will find it a whole lot easier if you set up screen time rules from a young age when children are less rebellious and more accepting. You can then adapt them as your child grows and you will be in a much better position to keep them enforced when they reach their teens and seem to want to immerse themselves in digital entertainment and not much else. If your children are more mature and you think you can reason with them effectively, why not sit down and agree the time limits with them?
When I talk about reading throughout this book I am usually not making a distinction between physical books and digital books. After all, the content is the same, it’s just the delivery method that is different. The same sustained concentration is required to read an extended piece of writing, whether on paper or screen.
Although adult e-reading is gaining ground, up to now children’s e-reading has been slower to get going. It will no doubt speed up as more devices become available. However, you might find your child is keen to read on a digital device. If so, that’s great, especially if they are older. I would caution against using digital books at a young age. Let your child enjoy the feel of physical books, the pleasure of being able to hold them, flick through them and carry them around. This is all part and parcel of the reading experience.
Also, keeping the physical book as a reminder of shared reading as your child gets older is a contributory factor to the relationship glue I talk about elsewhere in the book. I remember so clearly some of the books my mum and I read together when I was growing up, some of which were kept and I was able to read to my son. I’m especially fond of a dog-eared copy of The House at Pooh Corner. And my brother gave my son, on loan, his treasured childhood copy of Wilf Weasel’s Speedy Skates, which was treated with great reverence by Louis. That physical continuity is not something you get with e-books. So I think it would be a shame to miss out on the physical presence of books in the early years, quite apart from any developmental harm screen time might cause.
Screen time is a very modern problem. Finding the balance between recognising the utility of computers and the potential developmental impairment that overuse can cause is one of the most common issues in family life nowadays. Health education specialists like Dr Aric Sigman, as well as the Department of Health, are raising awareness among parents of the need to consider discretionary and recreational screen time as yet another form of consumption – similar to sweets or crisps, or hours in direct sunshine – that is measured in minutes or hours per day, and which needs to be thought about and limited. There is no way around it; you do need to get involved to help your child find that balance.
Here’s an example of how you go about finding the balance. One mum told me her son, Alfie, is an avid gamer. He is seven years old and into playing the same games on the Wii and on the iPad as much as his friends are. But he is also a very keen reader. She said ‘Alfie reads to relax. He reads in bed every day – we have a routine. He is not allowed to have any gaming kit or phone or TV in his room.’
It can be done!
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