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‘You read a BOOK?’ said Bunky, screwing his face up like used wrapping paper.
‘Well, the first chapter . . .’ I said.
‘What in the keelnees did you do THAT for?’ said Bunky.
‘I know, it’s weird,’ I said. ‘And what’s even weirderer is I’m actukeely quite enjoying it!’
Nancy rolled her eyes like a two-wheeled sellotape dispenser. ‘Shock horror!’ she chuckled.
‘Bunky, Nancy, I’ve got some bad news,’ I said, comperleeterly out of the blue.
Nancy’s eyebrows tilted into their worried positions. ‘What is it, Barry? Are you OK?’
‘Sorry, did I say BAD news? I meant GOOD!’ I smiled. ‘I was just trying to get your attention – it’s one of Wolf Tizzler’s tricks!’
I held up the page in HOW TO BE A GENIUS LIKE ME where Wolf Tizzler talks about saying things like ‘I’ve got some bad news’ to make people’s ears prick up.
‘So what’s your news?’ asked Nancy.
‘I’m becoming an inventor!’ I said, pulling at the neck of my polo neck.
I don’t know if you’ve ever worn a polo neck before, but it really clings to your neck.
‘An inventor? What for?’ said Bunky, already beginning to look bored. That’s the thing with people like Bunky who’ve got tiny brains – they can’t concentrate on things for more than three sentences.
‘Let me fill you in while we take a stroll,’ I said, tucking my book under one arm and my bright pink piggy bank under the other.
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