style="font-size:15px;"> At first break I was really excited about showing off my nose to everyone in the playground so I ran out of Science. The trouble was that with it bobbling around in front of me all yellowly I couldn't see Anton Mildew's lunchbox that he'd left just lying in the middle of the hall and I tripped over it and landed right outside the girls' toilets.
'Serves you right for hurting my hair,' said Tracy, walking past with her plastic jewellery all rattling.
'Yeah, Sharonella's got loads of your woolly bogies in her perm,' Donnatella said. Sharonella just stood there, and from where I was lying I could look up her nostrils and see her ACTUAL bogies.
'I thought I told you to take that nose off, Barry Anteater,' Mr Hodgepodge said in Art, where we were supposed to be drawing what was right in front of us. My picture was of a really long nose going off into the distance with the wall behind it, which is probably the most boring drawing in the history of the world amen.
At lunch Bunky didn't want to sit opposite me because of my nose taking up so much space, so in front of me there was just an empty chair.
'Having lunch with your invisible friend, Barry Losernose?' said Darren, queuing up for his Fronkle and chips.
'Ha ha, yeah!' chuckled Bunky, leaning over to Anton Mildew. 'Look, Anton! Barry's having lunch with his invisible friend!' he laughed, but Anton didn't join in because he actually HAS got an invisible friend and it gets jealous of other people's.
Time goes slower the longer your nose is and that afternoon was my slowest one ever times ten. Bunky tried to cheer me up on the walk home by ripping my nose off and putting it round his neck, pretending he was Granny Harumpadunk with one of her scarves.
'Ooh, where did I put my glasses so I can watch Future Ratman,' he said, and I laughed for the first time all day, my head feeling light from the no nose.
Then Darren appeared behind us, all snuffly from running with his Fronkle belly, and started throwing ringpulls at me and singing his 'Loser' song, which ruined my life all over again.
Barry Longlegs
Because it'd been sunny the day before, when I woke up the next morning I had a tan everywhere except where my fake nose had been. I was worried Darren might call me Barry Palenose or something so I decided I'd distract him with one of my genius plans.
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