I am sort of a Loser. Jim Smith
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I counted down from five in my head and got ready to look like the most loserkeel superloser ever.
The elastic strap on Bunky’s swimming goggles twanged as they shot out of his hands towards my face.
As they flew across the room, I went through the plan in my head:
1. Get hit in the nose by Bunky’s goggles
2. Start spinning around, screaming like a loser
3. Tangle myself up in the towel hanging on the hook next to me
4. Stumble into the showers like a blind ghost
5. Accidentally turn on the water and end up lying in a puddle, groaning
I smiled to myself, imagining everyone laughing at how loserkeel I was.
Then I realised I’d managed to do the whole list inside my head AND a smile to myself, all with the goggles still not hitting my nose.
I looked up and saw them shooting over the wall into the girls’ changing rooms.
‘FAY BABES!!! WATCH OUT!’ screamed Sharonella, then everything went quiet.
I climbed up Darren Darrenofski, then Stuart Shmendrix, and peered over the wall.
Fay was lying in a puddle in the showers, tangled up in a towel like a blind ghost, groaning, with all the girls laughing at how loserkeel she looked.
‘It’s exactly like you planned it, except it all happened to Fay instead!’ whispered a mini Barry in my brain, and I tried to swivel my eyeballs all the way round and give him one of my looks.
‘Get your OWN loserkeelness!’ I shouted, falling off Darren and Stuart and accidentally landing in the towel bin, which normally would’ve been really funny and loserkeel, except everyone was too busy laughing at Fay.
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