to forgive ourselves, we have to learn to forget about toxic people, to be able to leave them behind, to be able to leave relationships, or if it is at work, not to be affected or disturbed and to be able to reconcile our working life with them.
But why do people spend all their time saying forgive and forget?
Would you tell a child you see putting his hands in the socket or on the fire and burning, to repeat the action each time, or would you put your hand in the fire each time to burn? That would be an abuse. The same thing is repeating that situation over and over again on an emotional level.
Chemistry exists, it is something that cannot be avoided, you like a person or you don't like him, you are attracted to him or not, you feel it or you don't feel it. It depends on the area that you have to deal with the situation; you will have to make a decision or another.
Logically, if it is in the work environment, you have to profile it, treat it from a partner's point of view because it is not your friend. You are only going to deal with that person for a few hours. You have to learn to be sociable and not let their attitude bother you, not let their way of acting affect you, putting walls between you and that person.
Family is supposed to be our safe haven; however, many times it can be the place where we find the deepest pain. If it is in a direct family setting and it is a relative of yours, logically I advise you to first have a conversation with that person. If you do not reach a good conclusion and you do not achieve anything, cut that person off and distance yourself.
If the relative in question is your partner or husband, the conversation is logically the couple's sphere first, so that he can see how you feel and how that person treats you.
Likewise, if the situation continues, try to see as little as possible of the person who is causing the abuse, or of the people, because otherwise the relationship will end up suffering and possibly breaking up. The problem here is that many times breakups are caused by third parties and a large part of them are caused by the family.
The toxicity of people makes, that when they are cowards above all, they never attack one alone, but they do it together supporting each other. That is why you do not have to forget the first offense they have done to you, but learn from it, overcome it and from there move forward in your life without giving it importance.
Do not keep grudges because you are in pain, but you are ignorant; since once you are over it, if you are not in pain, it bothers them more.
But it is logical that you cannot be sitting down for dinner or lunch with someone that is always disrespecting you. And if you do it just for work, and because there is no other choice, under very strict rules and guidelines in which you control the situation and do not affect you.
Many times there are toxic relationships, because the desire to fulfill social roles can lead us to fall into the hands of toxic people. They appear because of insecurity, low self-esteem, or because society expects you to play certain roles: to get married, to have children, a partner, etc.
It seems that if you are not with someone the world will end. You can end up giving in to everything a partner asks of you for fear of loneliness. There are also people in your partner who are used to being in charge and the other party to obeying. There are many cases of couples who don't love their partner, they just want to exercise control to an unhealthy extent.
There are relationships based on blackmail, lies, fear, and the idealization of the person, whether at work, in the family, or affectively.
But in your free time and your private life, toxic people: out! It is vital to both your physical and mental health. Taking distance and staying away from complicated people improves your health. Because, although it may not seem like it, there are people who are indifferent to the needs of others.
The question is: how do we protect ourselves from these toxic people? Since relating to them makes us suffer, we must know what our limits are, what we do not want and mark them.
What the toxic person expresses is not your way of thinking and you don't have to make it your own, you have to value yourself. You have to remember all the achievements you have had and all that you have reached up to now, since self-esteem and confidence will be decisive. And above all, you must not think about it constantly, you have to focus on your things because they are more important of course!
Because toxic people do not change if they are rewarded for not changing, with others often being guilty for letting them be toxic. Don't hate them for being toxic because you only poison yourself with their toxicity, so forgive, but don't forget.
Take enough distance to improvise, adapt and overcome the obstacles, the toxic sensations that you have long believed and felt were your fault.
From now on there is a whole world ahead of you and a new path that you must explore and get to know.
Also discover how you really are with your mistakes and qualities, but above all, what you must learn is to love and value yourself.
Believing in yourself and your values is not bad, it's a plus. What others believe or what they impose on you, as long as it is negative for your physical and mental health, prevents you from developing as a person and a human being, from standing on your own feet, from working and being independent; it means that they unbalance you, are toxic and should be out of your life.
This does not mean that you should forget that all people feel the same vibrations or energies; because the same person or persons remember that they do not treat everyone the same. They often make a difference. And you should not fall into the loop of wondering why, or what their reason is. Just walk away as quickly and calmly as possible.
There is a saying that goes, "Old stuff, few and far between. And another saying to keep in mind is: "Words are enough for the wise. So, friends who don't love you don't waste your time. You will be in other places much better, more loved, and better valued and you will have found your place away from the people or situations that produced the discomfort.
Chapter 4- Being generous instead of excusing ourselves
At times, we have lost much of our ability to communicate and above all, to be generous both to ourselves and to others.
This is a part that we have to start rectifying and working on.
The first thing to keep in mind is that many people are used to give, to buy, to seek, to please others, but they forget how to reach a balance, they have to count on the main person, which is themselves.
You have to learn to be generous with yourself, to take into account, to stop thinking about what you want to do, which path to follow, or simply when you are going to choose something for someone, to remember yourself as well.
But a fundamental part that must be worked on together is simply to give thanks; which seems to be frowned upon or unimportant.
We are used to saying, for example: "sorry I'm late". We take it for granted that the other person has to understand, apologize and take care of us. And all that with good treatment and kindness.
And actually we should say at the outset: "Thank you for waiting for me". And from there, give the explanation that you consider necessary. But that person, right from the start, has dedicated his time and attention to you outside the established timetable.
We have to learn to appreciate things, time, help and attention from other people, give value to their work or friendship. And not hide behind excuses, because for that person their time is also valuable.
These are insignificant details, but they will
