unsigned and John had destroyed it at once, but the shadow had lingered. Sir Andrew had refused to believe him capable of murder—but others might not be so convinced of his innocence.
John knew that he could not think of marriage while such a shadow hung over him. He shivered, feeling the chill creep down his spine. If he married again so soon, the rumours would increase and might be difficult to disprove. How could he marry anyone until he could clear his name of any wrongdoing?
Indeed, if Sarah heard the spiteful whispers, she might wonder if there was some truth in them. She would certainly not wish to be the wife of a man who might be accused of murdering his first wife. He must put all thought of it from his mind!
Sarah spent the rest of the morning being fitted for a new walking gown and two afternoon dresses. Although Mrs Hunter intended to order several new gowns in town, she thought highly enough of her daughter-in-law’s seamstress to trust her with a part of Sarah’s new wardrobe.
Her mother’s fussing over details enabled Sarah to put the incident with John out of her mind. She was aware that she might have revealed her feelings too plainly, but when they met again before dinner, he greeted her as always with his gentle smile. He was sitting opposite her this time, for Daniel had taken her into dinner and she felt some relief that she was not obliged to make polite conversation with John.
‘How do you like being back in England?’ Daniel asked. ‘Do you find it very different, Miss Hunter?’
‘Yes, it is different,’ Sarah agreed. ‘But I am very happy here, sir. And of course we go to London in almost three weeks.’
‘Ah, yes, you will be thrust into the social whirl,’ he said, smiling at her kindly. ‘Elizabeth tells me you share her interest in books. I warn you that she will expect you to attend all her afternoon meetings. You must say if you have other engagements. My wife likes to manage us all.’
The smile and the wicked look in his eyes were enough to tell Sarah that he was amused and there was no malice in his words. He was clearly very much in love with Elizabeth, and Sarah felt a pang of envy as she saw the way they looked at each other. If only she could find that sort of love!
Glancing across the table, she discovered that John was watching her. He looked serious, although he smiled and inclined his head as their eyes met. Sarah sensed that he was concerned about something, and wondered at the signs of tiredness in his face. John was always gentle, unfailingly kind and caring, and yet there was something about him that inspired confidence. She knew that he was to be relied upon in a crisis and she sensed an inner strength that was perhaps not immediately obvious to a casual onlooker.
He must still be grieving for his wife, of course. It was only a year since Andrea Elworthy had died. No doubt he had loved her very much and could not be expected to think of marrying again just yet.
John had turned to Elizabeth, who was sitting to his left. They were laughing at something now and Sarah wished that she might feel the ease of an old friendship such as they obviously shared. John had been her friend once. He had cared for her, but she had walked away from him and he’d fallen in love with Andrea.
Why did that hurt so much? Sarah knew that she had only herself to blame. With a little encouragement John would have asked her to marry him more than two years previously—but that was then and things had changed.
Sarah realised that, since learning of his wife’s death, she had been secretly wishing that he might turn to her, might ask her to marry him. His behaviour in the rose arbour that morning had destroyed her dreams. John was not ready to marry again just yet.
Would he ever be? Sarah frowned at her own thoughts. She would be foolish to hope for something that might never happen. Had John felt anything for her, he would surely not have answered her as he had. By telling her that she would meet a gentleman with a whole heart, who would love her, he could not have been clearer.
John was still in love with his late wife. Sarah must not embarrass him by showing her feelings for him. In future she would take great care not to be alone with him.
Sarah’s ordeal lasted for just two days more. On the morning of the third day, Arabella told her that John was leaving them.
‘He has some business that will not wait,’ Arabella said. ‘I am sorry he cannot stay longer, but he seems anxious to keep his appointment and I am afraid we must allow him to go, Sarah.’
Sarah was torn between regret and relief. It would be easier when she did not have to meet John at every meal, but a part of her wanted him to stay. She knew that he was grieving, but sometimes when they spoke she felt that something flowed between them.
She was sitting in the downstairs parlour when John came to take his leave of Arabella. Looking up, Sarah’s heart jerked as she saw how elegant he looked in his buckskin breeches and a blue coat that fitted him to perfection. He was of a slighter build than either Charles or Daniel, but Sarah thought him the most attractive of any gentleman she had met thus far. More than that, she felt a warmth inside every time he smiled at her.
‘Are you sure your business will not wait?’ Arabella asked as he said his farewells. ‘We had hoped you would stay at least a week.’
‘It was my hope too,’ John replied in his easy, gentle way. ‘Perhaps another time?’
‘Yes, of course. You know that you will always be welcome here, John.’
‘Thank you. I shall remember,’ he promised. Sarah thought there was a hint of regret in his face as he turned to her. ‘It was good to see you again, Miss Hunter.’
‘Yes,’ Sarah replied. She got up from her chair and walked to meet him, offering her hand. John hesitated briefly before taking it in his. Sarah tingled at his touch. There was a clean fresh scent about him that she found appealing and she wished that he might take her in his arms, but he had let go of her hand and was about to turn away. He must not go like this! Before she could prevent the words they leapt from her tongue, ‘Perhaps we shall meet in town, sir?’
‘I am not sure,’ John said with a vague look in his eyes.
‘But you promised to dance with me at Elizabeth’s ball!’ Sarah knew that she ought not to press him, but something inside told her that if she did not speak now it might be too late. ‘Surely you will not disappoint Elizabeth—and me?’
John was caught as he saw the appeal in her eyes. She had never looked prettier than she did now in her jonquil-yellow morning gown and it hurt to refuse her anything. He hesitated for a moment before inclining his head. ‘It seems as if I gave my word and must therefore keep it, Miss Hunter. I shall come up for the ball.’
Sarah’s heart beat wildly. He was grieving for his wife, but he still liked her. She was sure in that instant that John felt something. Perhaps it was not yet love, but that might come in time.
‘I shall save two dances for you, sir. Do not leave me standing alone.’
‘I never lightly break my word,’ John said. ‘Excuse me, ladies. I must say goodbye to Charles and Daniel. I have spoken to Elizabeth.’
Sarah was silent after he left the room, but there was a look of such longing on her face that Arabella guessed what was in her mind.
‘John is a man whose thoughts and emotions run deeply,’ Arabella said, looking pensive. ‘You must be patient, Sarah. I think he has much on his mind,
