you love him?’ he asked, his fingers twiddling the gold band on his left hand
‘I don’t know.’
Cyndi could see the muscles in Ben’s jaw working.
‘So you threw our marriage away on a “don’t know”?’ She made no answer. ‘What else is there, Cyndi?’ Ben’s uncharacteristic anger was bubbling up again. If she’d admitted to falling in love with someone else, he might have been able to understand it – in time at least. Ben was an old-fashioned romantic at heart and true love would win him every time. But this? This, he couldn’t understand. He’d loved Cyndi with all his heart. He’d meant every single vow he’d made and the thought she had destroyed everything on a whim was beyond him.
‘It’s just sex then?’
‘No.’
‘So, it’s not love and it’s not sex. What is it, Cyndi? What else is there? Why else would you bring him into our house, into our bed?’ He raised his palms to the ceiling. ‘You’re really gonna have to help me out here ’cause I’m struggling to find another reason.’
Hs wife noticed the strength in his accent. Ben rarely showed his temper but when he did, his accent always increased the angrier he got. It seemed to be a Danvers trait.
‘Don’t be sarcastic, Ben. It doesn’t suit you.’
‘Oh, really? Is that so?’
‘Yes!’
Heavy silence filled the room as they glared at each other. Cyndi began to speak again. She wasn’t used to feeling out of control and she didn’t like it. She’d expected Ben to have started trying to win her back by now. Promising her something else – she wasn’t sure what yet. She’d have to think about that. And she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to be won back. But she certainly didn’t like the fact that he wasn’t even trying – just standing there glaring at her. Like it wasn’t his fault too. Why should she take all the blame?
‘I don’t know what you want me to say.’ She shrugged. It’s not love and it’s not just sex. I guess it’s … something in between.’ She tossed her now brushed-out hair. ‘We just have a great time together – in and out of bed!’ The pained look on Ben’s face shocked her, and suddenly she knew she had gone too far. Cut him far more deeply than she’d realised. She also knew he didn’t deserve this. Growing up, everyone had always said Cyndi Lawson was going to be a heartbreaker, and she’d been pleased with that description, knowing that it gave her power and got her attention, but right up until this moment, she had thought it was just a phrase.
Ben didn’t have the energy or the words to respond to his wife. His stomach churned and his breath felt laboured as though he’d been punched. Cyndi moved towards him.
‘Don’t.’ His voice was raw as he took a step away.
‘Ben, please.’ Ben looked down at the face that had captivated him from the moment he’d seen her. Stunning, like a Hollywood starlet, and he’d fallen for her completely. She’d been so sweet to him at the beginning and he’d loved her. Utterly. Completely. With everything he had. And now? What? He felt numb.
‘I loved you so much,’ he said.
There were tears in her eyes and this time he could tell they were genuine. ‘I know.’
*
Ben drove around for hours, not seeing where he was, replaying things over and over again in his mind. They had a great time ‘in and out of bed’. The phrase got louder and louder in his head until it was the only thing he could hear. At the next junction, he hung a U-turn and pressed the accelerator.
*
Todd opened his front door without checking the peephole and stood aside, already expecting the visitor. Sandy walked through from the kitchen, two beers in her hand and looked up at her brother, her eyes welling up as she did so. Despite his size, he looked small and broken. Crossing the room, she hugged him without a word, then handed him one of the beers.
‘Here. I think you need this more than I do.’
‘Thanks.’
Sandy returned from the kitchen with a replacement beer for herself and they sat in silence for a few moments.
‘Man, am I stupid!’ Ben said, eventually, shaking his head. He tried to laugh but a strangulated noise replaced the sound.
‘No, you’re not.’
‘A year! Nearly a year and I never suspected a thing!’
‘There was no reason you should have. You trusted her,’ Todd countered.
‘Yeah! Not one of my finer decisions apparently,’ Ben replied as he got up and began pacing the floor. ‘I mean, I know things weren’t perfect but I just thought we’d work through them, you know? I didn’t think she’d ever …’ His voice cracked. ‘I guess if I’m honest, it’s been coming for a while. I just didn’t want to see it. It’s pretty obvious that we have nothing in common. We hold different values. Hell, she practically told me I don’t even satisfy her in bed!’
Across the room Todd raised his eyebrows. He knew a few of the women Ben had dated over the years and that definitely wasn’t the impression he’d been given. Glancing over at his fiancée, he could tell she was just dying to run up and hug her brother, tell him he was way too good for that woman anyway, but she knew that wasn’t the kind of support he needed right now. But Todd could see that inside she was raging with fury at her sister-in-law as her eyes burned with unshed tears at seeing Ben in so much pain.
Ben continued. ‘You know what’s funny, I went to touch her hair earlier today at the ranch. I don’t know … stupid thing … the wind wasn’t moving it and … anyway. Not important. But the thing was, she went absolutely nuts! Her husband goes to touch just her hair and she freaks out yet she’s happy to roll around with God knows who in our bed! How messed up is that?’ He took a swig from the bottle and wiped a stray tear away impatiently. ‘Couldn’t even go to a hotel. Takes him right there, under my nose!’ Todd looked up from his beer bottle and studied his friend. Anger and frustration strained at Ben’s emotional seams. Standing, he placed a hand on Ben’s shoulder, gently steering him towards the garage. Ben looked perplexed at his friend as he took the beer from his hand and then opened the internal door to the garage. Todd nodded to the punchbag and tossed over a pair of gloves.
‘Knock yourself out.’ He gave him a half-smile. ‘Though preferably not literally.’
The sweat was pouring off Ben when he returned half an hour later. His shirt was in a ball in his hand and the waistband of his jeans was damp from his exertions. Sandy walked past him on her way to the kitchen.
‘Poo-eee!’
Ben smiled sarcastically and then hugged her.
‘Ugh! No! Get off! Get off!’ she yelled, pushing him away. His mouth attempted a smile.
‘Feel better?’ Todd ventured.
‘Yeah. Yeah, I do.’ He paused. ‘Thanks.’ Todd nodded in acceptance.
‘Are you going to take a shower?’
