We only have five days left in Bournemouth and then we’re leaving for good. I hate going to bed every night because I know when I wake in the morning, we’ll be one day closer to moving out of Grandad Ray’s, to a town I’ve never been to and where I don’t know anyone. Starting mid-term at a secondary school where all the other kids will know each other makes me feel sick, and the thought of saying goodbye to Eloise makes me even sicker. She’s my best friend. I didn’t even get to spend this half-term with her because she’s on holiday with her family. It’s totally rubbish. Dad says we’ll come back and visit sometimes but it won’t be the same.
I roll over and curl into the rumpled quilt as morning winter sunshine creeps through the curtains, but my mind is on the house a few doors away. Our old house, the one I had to part with yesterday. I hope that whenever I close my eyes and imagine it, it’ll always be there in my head, waiting for me. I’ll open the front door and pass the doors to the kitchen and lounge, thundering up the stairs to my bedroom, which is exactly how it’s supposed to be. My bed will be tucked against the wall covered in stuffed toys and sketch books, the bookshelves crammed full of different-sized paperbacks, and all my posters will be hanging on the walls. A white wardrobe is in the corner and my white dressing table is covered with pencils, charcoals, and paint pots, as well as a hairbrush Mum used to brush my hair with every night. Before she left.
The doors to Narnia and Hogwarts are still painted on the walls, along with other entryways like the Gates of Argonath from The Lord of the Rings. I’ll slide under my bed and my charm bracelet will swing against my wrist as I lift my hand to smooth the wooden bed slats. My wonderland will still be there, a picture I worked on for two weeks solid when I was seven years old. I went back to it six months ago, after Mum left, to add more detail. Wanting to be swept away and distracted from the reality of my world.
I used every colour felt-tip pen I owned on that piece. In some places I used two or three colours on top of each other to make a new one. In other places I applied craft glue to stick feathers, gems, and ribbons to the scene. There are stickers too, of animals, hearts, and smiley faces. I drew a unicorn and gave it a rainbow tail. I added a peacock with green, purple, and blue glitter on its tail feathers. The sky is the biggest part and there’s no sun. It’s a deep, intense indigo with sticky glow-in-the-dark stars. Right in the middle, if you look for her carefully, there’s a little girl with silvery blonde hair peering out from behind a tree. She has fairy wings on her back and stars in her eyes. There’s a paintbrush in her left hand and a charm bracelet around that wrist, which I added recently. In her right hand she holds a magic wand, gold sparkles trailing from it.
But that was then, and this is now, and I’ll probably never see my creation again. I couldn’t remove it from under the bed without ruining it, and couldn’t bear to do that. It’s so unfair. I really hate Mum sometimes.
Sighing, I climb out of bed and have a quick wash in the faded green bathroom, then dress in a violet T-shirt and my favourite blue jeans with a sparkly heart on the pocket. Brushing my hair, I put it in a ponytail and feed it through the hole at the back of the baseball cap I wore yesterday, tilting the peak down over my face. I feel like hiding this morning. Maybe if I can pretend I’m invisible, none of this will be real.
A few minutes later, I step into the kitchen holding Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire to my chest. I’ve read it three times and can’t wait until the next one in the series comes out.
Dad turns to look at me from his seat at the table, his big hands curled around a cup of tea. ‘Morning, princess,’ he says, ‘sleep okay?’
‘Yes, thanks.’ He used to call me princess when I was seven or eight and has started again since Mum left, usually on the days I get really upset. I know he understands how sad and angry I am at leaving everything behind, but I also know it’s not his fault and he’s just looking out for us. No, I blame her.
This morning he looks rumpled. His clothes aren’t ironed, and his face is creased with lines. I feel guilty. He’s been sleeping on the sofa because there are only two bedrooms.
‘Morning, Leila.’ Grandad Ray steps out of the pantry holding a jar of homemade strawberry jam and puts it on the table. ‘I’ll get some toast on. Tea?’
‘Yes, please,’ I say, watching as he moves around the kitchen. Everything’s dark in here, even with the overhead light on. The units are dark brown wood, the floor’s covered in a thin greyish carpet with navy swirls, the walls are painted damson, and the table matches the units. I wonder how he sees in here. He’s so old. I heard him telling Dad yesterday that he’s only sixty but feels much older with everything going on.
I put my book down, careful to keep it away from the crumbs on the tablecloth. I’m quiet as I eat breakfast, lost in my own thoughts until Dad clears his throat and stands up, making me jump.
‘I’m off to work now,’ he says gruffly, ‘I have a few last jobs to finish before wrapping up the business.’
As if it’s not bad enough we had to sell our home, Dad also has to lose the business he set up fifteen years ago. He explained to me that because Mum’s not around to do the books or admin, and he can’t afford to employ someone to do those things or to pay the mortgage alone, we’re moving to Basingstoke so he can work for his friend (who I call Uncle Martin) doing the plumbing for some new housing projects.
‘You’ll be all right for the day, won’t you, love?’ Dad’s looking at me with a worried expression on his face.
I paste on a bright smile and nod. The truth is, I feel adrift. Like Harry Potter when he stays at Hogwarts for the first Christmas holidays because he doesn’t want to go back to the horrible Dursleys. Dad and Grandad are adults and have each other, but I have no one. No one to talk to, no one to tell how scared I am about starting a new school. No one to share my feelings with about whether I’ll make new friends.
‘Of course. I’ll probably read or draw, watch TV or something.’ My eyes drift over to the window, aching for fresh air.
‘We can always go for a walk later, Leila, if you want?’ Grandad offers.
‘Maybe.’ I drop my gaze to the table. ‘Have a good day, Dad.’
‘Thanks, love.’ He leans over to kiss me on top of the head, which I try to dart away from because I’m way too old for that now, and then walks to the door, grabbing his tool bag on the way out.
Grandad Ray and I stare at each other. Even though we’ve lived along the road from him since I was little, we hardly ever came over here before Mum left. I don’t know why. I’d never seen them argue; they just didn’t really seem to talk.
There’s a knock on the front door and he frowns. ‘I wonder who that is.’ He wanders off as I finish my milky tea and take my cup over to the sink. In the distance I hear him speak. ‘Oh, hello.’
He’s back a minute later, an amused expression on his face. ‘It’s for you.’
Turning around, I look at him. ‘Who is it?’
‘A young lad. He said he met you yesterday? He wants to know if you’ll come out.’
‘Oh.’ I blush, feeling like I’ve done something wrong, or like the boy is calling on me because he’s got a crush.
