enough. It was positive, but vague, like a feel-good, self-help book. He wasn't sharing the specifics of what he said or did that made the difference. During a pause, I jumped in to probe deeper, revisiting his point about focusing on the people. “When you're focused on them,” I inquired, “what is it that you say and do?”
Matt stopped for a moment and took a big breath. He replied,
When I come into the store, I spend time with my people and ask them about their lives outside of work. I really listen to what they say, because how they answer tells me what's important to them, whether that's their kids, or a sports team, or whatever. Then, the next time I come in, I can start the conversation by asking about that topic, and we bond over it. By starting there, the team knows I care about them. Then, I listen to what's been going on in the store, and together we figure out ways to solve their issues.
I'd hit pay-dirt. Matt had shared his strategy for success. It was simple, clear, and replicable. I almost had what I needed to teach the other DMs how to do what he did. We weren't quite yet done.
From experience, I knew that just giving a list of to-dos to the other DMs wouldn't be enough. They also needed to learn the pitfalls they would face as they tried their hand with these new skills. Matt's road to the top of the chart hadn't been a straight line—he'd had his share of bumps along the way. Matt was happy to share his stumbling blocks. He explained what seeing employees as “worker bees” really meant behaviorally, and he went on to share other failures that, with time and reflection, had become lessons.
LET'S GET CRACKING
If you talk to cryptologists—people who crack codes for a living—one of the first things they'll tell you is that code breaking can be frustrating work. It's filled with wrong turns and mistakes, trial and error. You've got to be in it for the long haul. Calmness and patience are highly advised.
By picking up this book and reading this far, it's clear that you don't want to settle for being in the mediocre majority. You're genuinely interested in leading people well. You want to understand human behavior and how it affects high performance. You want insights so you can know what makes people tick and tools so you can help them tick better.
Most people spend their careers working in, at most, just a handful of organizations. They tend to rely on, know, and learn what they see firsthand. My professional career has been a gift. It's rare to get to work in hundreds of organizations in the span of just one career. I've been lucky enough to gain inside access to thousands of leadership experiences, and I'm delighted to get to share these lessons with you.
Let's begin by looking back at an epic failure that taught me a tremendous amount about the basics of leadership. Though it happened in 1999, that fiasco has been etched in my memory—in great part because it was all my own doing.
Part I CONTEXT
Every traveler knows that the trip goes a lot better if you have an excellent map. A great map provides a clear big picture while still offering the appropriate amount of specific details. It clearly demarks boundaries so you can easily identify where you are and where you want to go. The journey of leadership development works the same way. The goal of this book is to serve as such a map. The concepts and tools that you learn will help you lead more effectively. You'll be able to multiply your influence and impact. As such, you'll accomplish more things in less time.
Part I gives an overview of the journey. It prepares you for the voyage ahead. You'll learn why leading others is more challenging—and more important—than ever before. You'll hear first-person accounts as to why some leaders succeed and others fail. You'll get a brief history of leadership and how the bad habits of previous generations of leaders have been passed down to you.
In addition, you'll become acquainted with the overarching leadership framework of connection, communication, and collaboration. An entire section of the book is devoted to exploring each of these principles later. Please note: this is no academic treatise. Based on the experience of working with thousands of leaders, you're going to get the inside scoop as to what works and what doesn't. It's not always pretty. But it is always real. Let's start cracking the leadership code.
Chapter 1 BECOMING A BETTER LEADER The Basics
We're blind to our blindness. We have very little idea of how little we know. We're not designed to know how little we know.
—Daniel Kahneman
The ballots were all counted.
Final score: 38–6.
Thirty-eight votes to six!
And it wasn't me that won the 38. It was my opponent. How could this be?
…I lost? For real?
Wow!
Only six votes?
I sat in a puddle of disbelief.
That can't be true!
But it was true. When all was said and all was done, I'd lost.
By a landslide.
I'd been creamed.
This all happened in 1999, but it seems like yesterday.
I was living in New York City, where I was hoping to become the new executive director of a nonprofit leadership development organization. At the annual meeting the members elected new officers.
In my mind, I was a shoo-in for the job. No one else had worked as tirelessly as I had. No one else had the “feet on the street” experience that I had. No one else was more passionate than I was.
Committed to the cause, I was a “super-volunteer.” I'd put in countless hours, doing anything and everything. The outgoing executive director had called me the organization's newest rising star.
I had one competitor for the job: Gary.
Gary was a newbie: he'd just joined in the past year. Gary owned his own business in the construction industry, where he'd been quite successful. However, when it came to our nonprofit, he was still green.
Yet, somehow, Gary had trounced me. He'd captured more than 85% of the vote.
What was his secret? How had he done it?
I wouldn't find out how he managed to beat me so soundly for another month. It took me that long to set up a meeting with Gary—and not because of a busy schedule. It was my ego. I couldn't face Gary. My pride was too hurt. I needed some time to lick my wounds before I could look him in the eye.
On a blustery gray day in early December, Gary and I finally met up for lunch. We met at the Galaxy Diner, a bustling spot smack dab in the middle of Hell's Kitchen. The Galaxy is a classic New York diner, where the size of the menu is only outdone by the size of the portions. The waitresses seem like they've been working there since diners were first invented.
After some small talk and minestrone soup, I casually told Gary how surprised I was about the outcome of the election. I asked him if he was surprised as well.
“No,”
