don’t you come to my office?” he said. His voice was gentle, as was the light in his eyes.
He knew.
He’d spoken to Dr. Hanson. Of course he had. Hanson was the company’s doctor, after all. When she’d come on board four years ago she’d signed a contract agreeing that the company could access all health matters pertaining to her career.
“After rehearsal,” she said. “I’m warm now. And the rest of them are waiting for me.”
“I think we should do this now, don’t you?” he said.
He was frowning, as though what she’d said pained him in some way. He moved closer, reached out a hand to touch her.
She took a step backward. Rising en pointe on her bad leg, she lifted her right leg in grand battement to the side then up, up, up, until her toe was pointing toward the ceiling, her thigh straight beside her ear.
She held the position in a blatant display of skill and strength, her eyes daring Andrew in the mirror.
He held her gaze, never once looking away. And when her muscles began to scream and shake from the pain of holding such a demanding, strenuous position, he stepped forward and rested his hand on her shoulder.
“Enough, Maddy. Come to my office.”
She let her leg drop and relaxed onto her flat feet. Her knee throbbed, as it always did these days when she demanded too much of it. She hung her head and stared blindly at the polished floorboards.
She felt Andrew slide his arm around her shoulders. Then he led her toward the door. The other dancers stopped mid-rehearsal to watch her. She could feel their silent stares as she and Andrew stepped into the corridor. Andrew didn’t let her go until they were in his office.
“Sit,” he said.
He crossed to the wooden built-ins that spanned one wall of his office and opened a door. She heard the clink of glass on glass as he poured something.
“Drink this.”
Brandy fumes caught her nose as he lifted a glass to her lips.
“No,” she said, turning her head away.
Andrew held the glass there, waiting. Finally she took a token mouthful.
“And again,” he said.
She took a bigger mouthful this time. The brandy burned all the way down her throat to her belly. She shook her head firmly when he offered a third time.
He took her at her word and placed the glass on the coffee table in front of her. Then he sat in the armchair opposite her.
In his late fifties, he was a former dancer, his body slim and whippet-strong even after years away from the stage. His tanned skin was stretched tightly across high cheekbones, and thin lines surrounded his mouth from smoking. His eyes were kind as he studied her, a rarity from a man who was known throughout the dance world as a perfectionist first and a human being second.
“We will look after you, Maddy. Please know that. Retirement pay, any teaching work you want—you name it, you can have it. You’ve been one of our greatest dancers, and we won’t forget you.”
Maddy could feel the sweat cooling on her body in the air-conditioned chill.
“I want to keep dancing,” she said. “That’s what I want.”
Andrew shook his head decisively. “You can’t. Not for us. Not professionally. Your spirit might be willing, but your body is not. Dr. Hanson was very clear about that. We always knew that complete recovery from such a significant tear to your cruciate ligament was going to be a long shot. It’s time to hang up your slippers, Maddy.”
She stared at him, a storm of words closing her throat. Anger, grief, resentment, denial—she didn’t know what to say, how to react.
“I want to keep dancing,” she said again. “Give me more time. I’ll show you I can do it. I’ll do more rehab work, more Pilates. Whatever it takes.”
Andrew’s face went slack for a moment, and he leaned back and closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his hand. He looked defeated, sad.
“Maddy. I know how hard it is to give it up. Believe me. It nearly killed me. But I made a second chance for myself.” He paused a moment to let his words sink in. “You’re a beautiful, smart, resourceful woman. There’s another life out there waiting for you. You just have to find it.”
I don’t want to find it.
She almost said it out loud, but some of the numbness and shock were leaving her as the brandy burned its way into her system.
The doctor had handed down his decision, and Andrew had made his, too. She was broken, old. They had no use for her anymore.
“We’ll throw you a party. A real send-off. And we’ll help you any way we can. Retraining, or, as I said earlier, if you want to teach…?”
The thought of a party, of standing in front of her peers while people made toasts to her former talent made bile rise up the back of her throat.
“No. No party,” she said.
Suddenly she didn’t want to be here anymore. When the doctor had given her the news an hour ago, the company had felt like home, like the safe place to be. But now she knew it would never be her home again.
“People will want to say their goodbyes, pay their due respects,” he said.
“I’m not dead,” she said, standing abruptly.
She strode to the door. She hesitated for a beat outside the rehearsal studio, then braced herself to duck in and collect her bag. Head down, she did just that, not responding when Kendra asked if she was okay.
They would hear soon enough. Another dancer would be promoted into her role in the latest production. Maybe Kendra. Maybe one of the other soloists. Life would go on.
Outside in the warm summer air, she took deep breaths and fought tears.
She had never been more alone and scared in her life. Her entire world had crumbled around her—the discipline and passion that had formed the boundaries of her days and nights had dissolved into nothingness. She had no future, and her past was irrelevant. She was the owner of a broken body and broken dreams and precious little else.
She found her car keys in her handbag, but she had nowhere to go. No current lover to offer his shoulder, and no former lovers to call on, because her affairs never ended well. Her mother was miles away in America, enjoying the fruits of her third marriage. Maddy had never known her father. All her friends were dancers, and the thought of their ready sympathy had the bile rising in her throat again.
Where to go?
Where to go?
Out of the depths of her subconscious, a face rose up. Clear gray eyes, dark hair, a smile that offered mischief and fun and comfort and understanding in equal measure.
Max.
