was still alive, that contrary to the stories his mother had told him since he was a baby, his father was not dead, and everything had gone wrong from that time on.
Abby had tried to exonerate herself. She had tried to explain that her reasons for keeping his parentage a secret was to save him from the very feelings of rejection he was suffering now, but Matthew had refused to listen. When he learned that she had, in fact, left his father before he was born, he refused to listen to any explanations, blaming her entirely for the breakdown of her marriage.
To begin with, Abby had not forced the issue. She had believed that given time, Matthew would come round, would try to understand, would forgive her. But it hadn’t worked that way. Time had not healed, it had festered, and the deterioration in their relationship—and in Matthew’s school behaviour—could be measured from that date.
But now, the news that unless her son stopped playing truant and started attending lessons with the intention of learning something, she would be asked to remove him from the school, took second place to the need to know why her husband should have written to her. Piers never wrote. From time to time, she had word of him via Aunt Hannah. But since his visit to the hospital after Matthew was born, he had never contacted her direct, and in spite of all the years between, Abby’s fingers shook as she slit the envelope open.
It was strange, she thought, how she could remember his handwriting after so long. But then perhaps not so strange when she considered the long hours she had spent translating his scrawled script into neatly-typed letters and reports. She had enjoyed typing for him, she remembered unwillingly. She had enjoyed the thrill of going to the Manor every morning, and working in the elegant luxury of the library. All the other girls had envied her, working for Piers Roth, who was something of a heart-throb around Rothside and Alnbury. She had basked in the glory of landing such a marvellous job, and when Piers had started to show his attraction to her, she had seen her life developing like some wonderful romantic novel, where she and Piers fell in love, and married, and lived happily ever after …
The letter emerged from its envelope, the paper thick and vellum-bound, bearing the familiar address in the centre of the page at the top.
Dear Abby …
‘Who’s it from?’ Matthew, sprawled on the couch, his closely-cropped fair hair reminding her of pictures she had seen of the inmates of a prison camp, was regarding her with unusual cariosity. Perhaps he had noticed the way her hand was shaking, she thought, moving to the window as if she needed more light. It was something for him to address her without being spoken to first.
‘Give me a moment,’ she said, not yet prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice of telling him, and Matthew shrugged and studied the white laces in his black boots.
Dear Abby, she read again, drawing a deep breath, You will probably not be entirely surprised to learn that I have decided to divorce you.
Divorce! Abby found she was not just surprised, she was stunned. Somehow, foolishly she now realised, she had begun to believe Piers was never going to seek a divorce. Perhaps, in the back of her mind, she had even nurtured the hope that one day this whole awful mess would be resolved and Piers would believe her story. But now, it seemed that she was wrong, and the words he had used stung her unpleasantly.
She read on:
I realise I had no need to inform you of my intentions in the circumstances, but I wanted you to know that I no longer feel any hostility towards you. What’s done is done. You were too young to be tied down to matrimony, and I was old enough to know better.
Abby’s teeth were digging into her lower lip now, but she forced herself to finish reading.
I trust you and the boy are both well. You will be hearing from my solicitors within the next few days. Yours, etc. Roth.
Just Roth, thought Abby bitterly, folding the page. Not Piers, or even Piers Roth; just Roth: as if he was writing to some business acquaintance. Her jaw quivered, but just for a moment. Then she steeled her emotions. So what? she asked herself severely. What difference would it make to her? She would still call herself Mrs Roth. Nothing could alter that. So why did she feel so abysmally shattered?
‘Well?’
She had forgotten Matthew for a moment, but now she glanced at him over her shoulder. ‘It’s nothing,’ she said, pushing the letter back in its envelope. ‘Nothing important, that is. Oh—and this one’s from Aunt Hannah.’
‘If she’s my aunt, how come I never meet her?’ Matthew countered, swinging his feet to the floor. Then he pulled a face. ‘Oh, don’t tell me, I know. She lives in Northumberland, and we can’t afford to go all that way to see her.’ He grimaced. ‘What you really mean is, that’s where my father lives, too, and that’s why we never visit her. Because you’re afraid I’ll meet him!’
‘No!’
Abby’s cheeks flushed, but she knew he didn’t believe her. Matthew would never believe the truth, even if she told it to him. He was firmly convinced she had deprived him of his father by running away to London.
Turning back to Aunt Hannah’s letter, Abby scanned the unsteady print with smarting eyes. The letter was shorter than usual. Just one page, instead of the half dozen or so Aunt Hannah usually wrote. Her letters tended to be epistles, describing every small incident that happened in Rothside, with an attention to detail born of loneliness; and although Abby told herself she only read the letters to please the old lady, secretly she devoured every word.
Hannah Caldwell was not in fact her aunt, but her mother’s, but when Abby’s mother had died giving birth to a stillborn child, she had brought the little girl to Rothside to stay with her. Abby’s father had been terribly distraught over his wife’s death, and after selling their house in Newcastle, had moved to Scotland, to work in Aberdeen. It had been arranged between him and Aunt Hannah that Abby should join him when he had found a house and obtained a housekeeper. But it never came off. Laurence Charlton was drowned in a sailing accident only a few weeks later, and Abby’s visit with Aunt Hannah became permanent.
Now she viewed the old lady’s letter with growing concern. It appeared that Aunt Hannah had had a heart attack only ten days ago. Nothing serious, you understand, she wrote, with endearing understatement, just a reminder that I’m not as young as I used to be.
Abby shook her head. How old was Aunt Hannah now? Eighty-two, eighty-three? She frowned. Too old to be living alone in the cottage, she thought anxiously, particularly if her heart was not strong.
Doctor Willis is talking of moving me into Rosemount, the letter continued, but I told him he’d have to carry me out of here on a stretcher. That’s all these young doctors can think about these days—herding old people into homes, so that they can be lumped together like cattle. I don’t want to live with a lot of old fogies. I like young people around me. I just wish you and Matthew lived a little nearer. I do miss you, Abby.
Abby’s conscience smote her. It had been hard on Aunt Hannah, she knew that. Her marriage to Piers, when she was only eighteen, had been hard enough for the old lady to bear, but at least she had believed Abby would be happy. Then, Abby’s leaving Rothside less than a year later had changed all that, and Aunt Hannah had blamed herself for allowing it to happen. Of course, in the beginning, when Matthew was just a baby, she had made an occasional trip to London to see her great-great-nephew, but inevitably the cost—and her advancing age—had made the journey impossible. It was almost ten years since they had met, and although Abby corresponded regularly, she knew it was not
