“I thought I’d bring you the rhubarb before I headed out.”
For once she hadn’t heard him come back in and his deep voice shimmered along all her nerve endings. She swallowed, hating that he’d caught her in a moment of self-pity. “Thank you, Luke. I’ll make sure I do something with it right away.”
“Em?”
He shortened her name and the intimate feeling of being alone with him multiplied.
“Are you okay?”
She gave a little laugh. “Oh, it’s foolishness. You caught me being a little sorry for myself, that’s all.”
“Why?”
He took a step closer.
She could hardly breathe. “I don’t know your family, but I get the sense that you all look after each other. It’s nice, that’s all. I don’t have any brothers or sisters.”
“You’ve handled your situation all alone, haven’t you?”
“Pretty much. Friends can only take so much of hearing your troubles, you know? I’m not very much fun these days. So many of them are couples, and I was suddenly the odd man out. They were Rob’s friends, too, and it is awkward if you’re suddenly picking sides. It was just.”
“Easier to stay away?”
She looked up, surprised yet again that he seemed to understand so easily. “Yes, I guess so. Sometimes I miss the easygoing, fun Emily I used to be.”
“Taking the responsibility of the world on your shoulders tends to have that effect,” he replied, coming to her and putting his wide hands on her arms. “You are doing the best you can, right?”
She swallowed, tried to ignore the heat from his hands soaking through the cotton of her shirt. “Taking care of Sam is everything to me.” She blinked, feeling herself unravel at the kind way he was looking at her. “Not being able to support us makes me feel like such a failure.”
He lifted one hand and gently traced his thumb beneath her eye, lifting the moisture away from the skin. “You are not a failure, Emily. You only fail if you stop trying. And I might not know you well, but I can see you’re no quitter.”
It was a lifeline to cling to and she shuddered in a breath. But when she looked up into his eyes, everything seemed to drop out of her, making her feel weightless, feel that the clock on the wall had suddenly stopped ticking.
His fingers tightened on her shoulder as he drew her closer. For a few precious seconds his lips hovered only an inch from hers. Her heart hammered, wanting desperately for him to kiss her and terrified that he actually might.
Then his breath came out in a rush and he moved back, wiping a hand over his face. “What am I doing?” he asked, more to himself than to her, she realized. Her face flamed with embarrassment. He’d stepped back, but she would have kissed him. If he’d stayed there a moment longer, she would have leaned in and touched his lips with her own.
“I’m sorry.” He put his hands in his pockets and the blue heat she’d seen in his eyes was cool and controlled now. “That isn’t why you’re here. I overstepped, Emily. It won’t happen again.”
Why on earth was she feeling such profound disappointment? Kissing him would complicate everything! And there was Sam to consider. What if he saw them? He still hadn’t quite grasped the unalterable fact that his father wasn’t coming back.
“It would be confusing to Sam if he were to see,” she said quietly. “And I am not in the market for a relationship. You must know that.”
“I do. Of course I do.” He had the grace to look chastened. “I don’t play games, Emily. I’m not interested in romance either, and I won’t toy with you. What happened just now was … an aberration.”
He paused, and Emily knew he was measuring his words. What was he protecting? Luke seemed fine when he was dealing with others, but when it came to himself he was irritatingly closed off. He had been open and laughing with Joe, but with her he put the walls back up. She wondered why.
“I don’t understand you at all, Luke. You can be very distant, and then last night it was almost as if you were right there in my shoes. Why is that?”
He stared out the window and she wondered if he was avoiding looking at her on purpose.
“I know what it’s like to have so much responsibility on your shoulders, that’s all. I was only twenty when I took over this farm, and I’m the oldest. Cait and Liz were still in their teens. It’s not easy being thrust into the role of primary caregiver and provider. I understand that, Emily. After last night … let’s just say I want to help you get your feet beneath you again.”
Emily felt her pride take a hit. Had she really seemed that desperate? “Rescuing women and puppies, is that it?”
He frowned. “It’s not like that. There was no rescuing involved. I did need help. It was such a relief to come inside last night and know that the house wasn’t in shambles. To have a meal hot and waiting rather than throwing something together at the last minute. Why is it so hard for you to accept that this is important? I’m not a particularly charitable man, Emily. I’m not one for pretty words.”
She pondered it for a moment, not liking the answer that came to her mind.
“Don’t you think what you’ve done has value?”
He did know how to get in a direct shot, didn’t he? Emily dropped her eyes and reached for a dish towel.
“Economics, Emily. The value of something goes up when it’s in short supply. Believe me, I’ve had to keep up with the ranch and the house and … everything else on my own. I appreciate what you’ve done more than you know.”
She wondered what he’d really been going to say in the pause. What everything? “You’re just saying that.”
“Why would I?”
He came close again. Emily could feel him next to her shoulder and wanted so badly to turn into his arms. She clenched her jaw. How needy could she be, anyway? So desperate that she’d let herself be swayed by a husky voice and a pair of extraordinary blue eyes? She’d gone months without so much as a hug. Wanting to lose herself in his embrace made her weak, and she couldn’t give in. Her control was barely hanging on by a thread. She was afraid of what might happen if she let herself go. At the very least, she’d make a fool of herself, especially after their protests that neither of them were interested in romance. She didn’t want to look like a fool ever again.
“Did he tell you it wasn’t important?”
Emily didn’t have to ask who he was. She’d told Luke enough last night for him to paint a fairly accurate picture. “Staying home with Sam was a mutual decision,” she whispered. “But it didn’t stop him from getting in the little digs that the financial burden of the family rested on his shoulders. And he never quite saw that while I didn’t carry the finances, I looked after everything else, and gladly.” She swallowed. “We decided together. I did have to remind him of that on occasion.”
She twisted her hands in the dish
