think Alex will do quite well once this crisis is over, but it is important that over the next few weeks she is kept away from any stressful situations,’ Dr Bassano said. ‘Stress at this point in time will only intensify her condition and perhaps cause another relapse. I have been in contact with her specialist in Sydney. I see from her records she has already had three major breakdowns during her teens. I would like to avoid triggering another one.’
‘I understand,’ Ally said, fighting back tears.
Dr Bassano took Ally’s hand. ‘I realise how difficult this is for you, Miss Benton,’ he said. ‘I understand you have been responsible for your sister since your mother’s death. You have done an amazing job of supporting her thus far. You must not blame yourself for this latest relapse. It is always hard for close relatives. You cannot possibly be with her every minute of the day. You have your own life to lead and must be allowed to do so.’
Ally blinked back the moisture in her eyes. ‘Thank y-you,’ she said, her voice catching slightly. ‘I don’t want to lose her… she is all I have…’
‘Take care of yourself,’ Dr Bassano said gently. ‘Your sister is still sleeping, but should wake in the next hour or so. Please call me at any time if you have any further questions.’
Ally went back to her sister’s bedside and looked down at the pale, thin and wan mirror image of herself, curled up like a helpless infant on the narrow bed.
How could two identical people be so dissimilar? she wondered. Alex had always been the outgoing one, the extroverted talkative one, the girl men flocked to like bees around nectar-laden blossom.
Ally, on the other hand, had always preferred her own company to that of other people. With the same figure and features of her twin, she had her fair share of male attention, but no one had come close enough for her to let down the guard around her heart. The emotional blunting in her childhood had seen to that. Living with an unpredictable mother had made Ally naturally cautious. She found it hard to trust people and kept herself aloof and on guard—unlike her twin who, like their mother, often leapt in feet first with little regard for the consequences.
The sheets on the bed rustled and a croaky voice asked, ‘Ally… is that you?’
Ally leaned forward and took her sister’s hands in hers, squeezing them gently. ‘Yes, darling, it’s me. I came as soon as I could.’
‘I’m sorry…’ Alex’s face began to crumple. ‘I’ve really done it this time. You’re going to hate me… I just know it… I’ve ruined everything…’
‘No, darling, don’t talk like that,’ Ally soothed, still desperately trying not to cry. ‘I could never hate you. You know I would do anything to make you well again.’
‘He told me he loved me…’ Alex said, so softly Ally had trouble hearing her.
She leaned even closer. ‘Who told you he loved you?’
Alex’s eyes closed and a soft whimper escaped from her lips. ‘I don’t want to talk about it… it hurts so much…’
Ally stroked her sister’s hand. ‘Don’t upset yourself, honey. We can talk later. The important thing now is to get well. That’s all that matters.’
‘The doctor said I have to go to a clinic,’ Alex said, biting her lip like a small, insecure child.
‘Yes, it will be for the best,’ Ally said. ‘Don’t worry about the expense. I’ll see to it.’
Tears sprouted from Alex’s eyes. ‘I wanted to die… I felt that if I couldn’t have him what would be the point in going on?’
Ally felt yet again the tight fist of panic knocking hard on the door of her heart. The doctor had warned her not to allow her twin to suffer any unnecessary stress, but clearly something had been going on with a man while Alex had been living abroad.
‘Honey, you should have told me you were having trouble coping,’ Ally said gently. ‘I thought everything was going so well for you since you moved to London.’
Alex’s sapphire-blue gaze shifted to stare blankly at the hem of the sheet covering her chest. ‘I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d disapprove.’
‘Why would I do that, darling?’ Ally asked, although deep down she felt sure she already knew the answer.
‘He’s married,’ Alex said, confirming Ally’s suspicions. ‘I didn’t realise that until I’d thrown in my job and followed him to Rome. He told me he loved me. He even told me he was going to leave his wife. But it was all a lie…’
Ally inwardly sighed. She needed more than her fingers and toes to count the number of affairs with married men her sister had been involved in over the years. Alex seemed to misread the signals, or something. She was so easily taken in by a charming smile and ended up disappointed and betrayed time and time again. But this one seemed to have had a much more devastating effect, and Ally wished she could press for more details. But she knew it would probably do more harm than good at this point.
‘When did you stop taking your tablets?’ she asked, diverting the subject.
Alex closed her eyes. ‘I don’t remember… a few weeks ago, I think. I didn’t want him to know I was taking medication. I thought he wouldn’t love me if he thought I wasn’t… you know… normal.’
‘Alex you are normal,’ Ally insisted. ‘If you had asthma or diabetes you’d have to take regular medication. How is your mental condition any different?’
Alex’s eyes remained closed. ‘But I feel crazy. My head is full of racing thoughts. I feel out of control, and that’s why…’ She gave another defeated sigh. ‘What’s the point? What’s done is done.’
‘Darling, remember the doctors back home told you how important it is for you take your tablets regularly?’ Ally said, trying to remain patient and calm. ‘This time in the clinic will be just the thing for you. You’ll be able to get on top of things, both medically and personally.’
Alex turned her head back to look at Ally. ‘Do you really still love me, Ally? Even after all I’ve put you through? I’m a terrible person. I hate myself. I can’t do anything right. I ruin everything.’
‘That’s rubbish, Alex, and you know it,’ Ally said. ‘You’ll come through this. I know you will. You know I love you, and nothing can change that. You and me together against the world, right?’
Alex bit her lower lip and shifted her gaze again. ‘I don’t really want to end up like Mum… but I just can’t seem to help it. It must be genetic—but then you have the same genes and you’re fine…’
Ally pushed aside the giant wave of survival guilt that instantly swamped her, and grasped her sister’s hand again. ‘Mum didn’t get the help she needed,’ she said. ‘She was sick for a long time, but we were too young to realise it. Her up-and-down moods and her erratic behaviour seemed a part of who she was. There’s a fine line between personality and mental illness, Alex. It’s hard even for the professionals to know when patients cross it.’
Alex turned her head on the pillow to look at her. ‘I’ve done some terrible things,’ she said, her eyes swelling with tears. ‘I just couldn’t seem to stop myself. I wanted
