should at least make an attempt to find employment, but she wanted and needed to be home with her son. If she were honest with herself, she dreaded the thought of interacting with other people on a daily basis. She hadn’t enough energy for that.
Hannah pushed off the bedcovers, slipped her feet into a pair of worn house shoes and hurried to the room next door as her mother stepped into the hall.
“I can take care of him if you like.”
“Nein. I’m awake.”
She should have said more, should have thanked her mother, but the memory of David was too heavy on her heart, her emotions too raw. So instead she quickly glanced away and opened the door to Matthew’s room.
Though her son was four years old, soon to be five, he still slept in a bed with rails along the side. This was mainly to keep him from falling out.
The thinnest sliver of morning light shone through the gap between the window and the shade, fell across the room and landed on little Matthew. He was lying on his back, his legs splayed out in front of him. Matthew smiled and raised his arms to her, but instead of picking him up, Hannah lowered the wooden rail that her dat had fastened to the bed and sat beside him. Matthew struggled to a sitting position and pulled himself into her lap. For a four-year-old, his arms were incredibly strong, probably to make up for the fact that his legs were useless.
“Gudemariye, Mamm.” The Pennsylvania Dutch rolled off his tongue, thick with sleep.
“Good morning to you, Matthew.”
He reached up and touched her face, patted her cheek, then snuggled in closer.
She gave him a few minutes. Long ago, she’d learned that Matthew needed time to wake up, to adjust to the world. When he was ready, he said, “Potty?”
“Sure thing, Matt.”
But before she could pick him up, her father was standing in the doorway. No doubt he’d been awake for hours, and he carried into the room the familiar smells of the barn—hay, horses and even a little manure. It was an earthy smell that Hannah never tired of.
“I thought I heard young Matthew awake.”
“Daddi!” Matthew squirmed out of her lap and launched himself at her father, who caught him with a smile and carried him into the bathroom across the hall. She could hear them there, laughing and talking about the upcoming day.
Hannah slipped back into her room, changed into a plain gray dress, black apron and white kapp. Once dressed, she hurried to the kitchen. If she’d thought she could help her mother make breakfast, she was sadly mistaken.
Steam rose from the platter of fresh biscuits on the table. Another dish held crisp bacon, and her mother was scooping scrambled eggs into a large bowl. Hannah fetched the butter and jam, set them in the middle of the table and then gladly accepted the mug of coffee her mother pushed into her hands.
“Did you sleep well?”
Hannah shrugged, not wanting to talk about it. Then she remembered her bishop’s admonition to speak of her feelings more, to resist the urge to let them bottle up inside. Easy enough for him to say. His spouse was still alive and his children did not struggle with a disability. It was an uncharitable thought and added to her guilt.
She sipped the coffee and said, “I fall asleep easily enough, but then I wake after a few hours and can’t seem to go back to sleep, no matter how tired I am.”
“Normal enough for a woman in mourning.”
“It’s been nearly a year.”
“Grieving takes a different amount of time for different people, Hannah.”
“I suppose.”
Her mother sat down beside her, reached for her hands.
“Did you have the dream again?”
“Ya.” Hannah blinked away hot tears. She would not cry before breakfast. She would not. “How did you know?”
Instead of answering, her mother planted a kiss on her forehead, making her feel six instead of twenty-six. Then she popped up and walked back across the kitchen, checking that she hadn’t forgotten anything they might need for breakfast. Holding up the coffeepot, she asked Hannah’s father and son, “Coffee for both of you?”
“Mammi. I drink milk.”
Matthew’s laughter lightened the mood. Her father’s steadiness calmed her nerves. Her mother’s presence was always a balm to her soul.
The first week she was home, her dad had insisted on learning how to care for Matthew, how to help him into his wheelchair. Now Hannah turned to see her father and son, her father standing in the doorway to the kitchen, his hands on the back of Matthew’s wheelchair. Both looked quite pleased with themselves and ready to tackle whatever the day might bring.
* * *
Jacob Schrock didn’t need to hire a driver for the day’s job. Though the Beiler home was technically in a different church district, in reality they were only a few miles apart. That’s the way things were in Goshen, Indiana. There were so many Amish that his own district had recently divided again because they had too many families to fit into one home or barn for church.
Theirs was a good, healthy community. A growing community.
Which was one of the reasons that Jacob had plenty of work.
The night before, he’d loaded the tools he would need into the cargo box fastened on the back of his buggy. The lumber would be delivered to the job site before lunch.
Bo stood stamping his foot and tossing his head as if to ask what was taking so long. Jacob hitched the black gelding to the buggy, glanced back at his house and workshop and then set off down the road. As he directed the horse down Goshen’s busy two-lane road, his mind raked back over the letter he’d received from the IRS. How was he going to deal with the upcoming audit and complete the jobs he had contracted at the same time? The accountant he’d contacted had named a quite high hourly rate. The man had also said he’d need a thousand-dollar retainer in order to start the job. Jacob had given serious thought to hiring the accounting firm in spite of their high fees, but in truth he didn’t make enough money to afford that.
Jacob had asked around his church, but no one who was qualified had been interested in accounting work. The one young girl who had expressed an interest had quit the first day, and who could blame her? Jacob’s idea of filing consisted of giant plastic bins where he tossed receipts.
Jacob loved working for himself, by himself. He’d rather not have anyone in his small office. The bulk of his income came from residential jobs and a few small business contracts, but his heart and soul were invested in building playhouses for children with disabilities. He needed to juggle both, and now, on top of that, he needed to prepare for the audit.
Twenty minutes later he pulled into the Beilers’ drive. It wasn’t a home he’d ever been to before; that much he was sure of.
Jacob parked the buggy, patted Bo and assured him, “Back in a minute to put you in the field. Be patient.” Bo was a fine buggy horse, if a
