to right here,’ he said, folding his arms in front of him, effectively blocking her way past him with his enormous bulk.
The coldness in his eyes shook her, but there was no way she was going to let him scare her off now. She knew that the kind, compassionate man she’d got to know again over the last few days was still in there somewhere; she just needed to get him to hear what she had to say then maybe she’d be able to draw him back out again.
‘Okay, fine, if it has to be said here in your hallway then it will be.’ She took a breath and set back her shoulders.
‘You were right; I wasn’t honest with you and I should have been from the very start, but I was afraid you’d push me away and I desperately wanted to make up for the way I treated you in the past. I was selfish and cruel then but, please believe me, I’m not that same self-absorbed girl I used to be. I’m a different person now. A better one, I hope. Surely you’ve seen proof of that over the last few days.’
He didn’t give any indication that she was getting through to him, his posture remaining stiff and his expression impassive, so she decided just to get it all out in the hope that something she said would strike a chord with him.
‘I know I told you that I decided I couldn’t marry Jimmy because our relationship was staid and—boring.’ She winced at how awful that sounded. What a terrible person she’d been, to them both.
Caleb still didn’t say anything, his expression remaining indifferent.
She took another steadying breath, then let the words rush out. ‘But the truth is, I broke up with him because I realised I’d never feel about him the way I felt about you.’
There was a flicker of something in his eyes and she held her breath for a moment, praying for a reaction, but he steadfastly refused to give her one.
Swallowing hard, she bunched her fists for courage.
‘Back then I was afraid of how unpredictable you were, how you didn’t fit into the way I’d envisioned my life turning out, but mostly how I still wanted you—desperately—despite all of that. After years of keeping a tight control over my life, that completely rattled me. So I stuck with Jimmy, the safe bet, the man I could control. Because I was a coward.’
He wasn’t looking at her now, but staring off into the distance. Folding her arms, she steeled herself to hold it together.
‘I realised later on, of course, once I’d grown up a little, that a certain amount of conflict can be good for a relationship. I guess it gives it the edge it needs to keep things exciting and fresh. As long as there’s enough love between a couple...I think I mistook passion for dysfunction in my parents’ marriage but they’re still together today, so it shows what I know.’
She was aware that she was dripping water onto the floor now and that she’d begun to shiver with cold, but she pushed aside her discomfort, feeling it was probably a fitting state for her confession.
‘I think I’ve really been single for so long because I stopped trusting my judgement when it comes to relationships. I was ashamed of the way I’d acted in the past and avoided getting close to anyone again in case I made the same mistakes. But after spending this incredible time with you here I realised that if I want to be happy it’s time to stop being afraid of what might go wrong.’
She took a step closer to him. ‘And embrace what could go right. Because I’m so happy when I’m with you.’ Her voice broke as she took another step forwards and saw him tense, then tighten and raise his arms like a barrier.
‘You really think I’m going to be able to trust you again?’ he muttered.
‘I do. Because I think you want to; it’s just your pride getting in the way.’
‘My pride? You broke your word to me and you lied; why should I believe you won’t do that again?’
‘Because I’m not the girl you remember, Caleb. I’m older and wiser now.’ She took a deep, shaky breath. ‘I was so ridiculously naïve back then, I had no idea what I really needed.’ She gave him a beseeching smile, holding her breath as she waited to see whether she’d finally got through to him.
‘You have to understand that you scared me at the time. You were so full of anger and bitterness I didn’t know whether I could handle you. I wasn’t a very strong person then.’
‘I didn’t need your strength, Elena. I needed your loyalty and respect.’
It felt as though his words had slapped her in the face. She knew he was right; she’d disrespected him in the worst possible way. He trusted her with the whole of his already damaged heart and she’d toyed with it for a while, then thrown it back at him, broken and beyond repair. It had been the worst thing she could have done to him; no wonder he’d turned into the hardened character she’d first met here last week.
‘I don’t blame you for being reluctant to trust my word after I made such a mess of things last time, but please, Caleb, please give me another chance.’
Her heart started to race and her body flushed hot with trepidation as she looked up into his hooded eyes and said, ‘I love you.’
He stared at her, a deep frown marring his face.
‘You love me?’ His tone was so troubled her heart went right out to him.
‘Yes, and I want us to make this relationship work.’
He shook his head, the expression in his eyes a little wild as if he was fighting with himself about how to respond.
Her chest gave a little jolt of hope at the thought that perhaps she might finally be getting through to him.
Turning away from her, he began to pace up and down the hall, raking his hands through his hair and making it stand on end. He looked troubled, anxious—but encouraged maybe?
‘I don’t know, Elena. It’s a lot to process. I thought I knew you—’
‘You do know me. Everything I’ve told you about myself is true. Everything we’ve done together has been genuine and came from a place of love and respect for you.’
Still he shook his head, as if not daring to believe it.
‘I understand why you’re feeling this way. It has to be so confusing losing your memory like that,’ she said in desperation. ‘Then finding out you were missing a big chunk of important information.’ She walked to him now and put her hands on his arms, gripping them hard and using the whole of her strength to stop him from pacing.
‘Listen to me, Caleb Araya. I am not letting you push me away again. I know I was in the wrong fifteen years ago, but everything that’s happened between us in the last week has been real. And I think you feel the same, though you’re too stubborn to admit it.’
* * *
Caleb stared at this brave, fierce woman in front of him and felt the heavy weight of unhappiness lift a little from his chest.
He knew what she was saying made sense; she’d been nothing but kind and caring towards him since leaving the hospital and he was acutely aware that he was letting his fear and panic get in the way of common sense. His chest gave a sharp throb as he accepted that if it hadn’t been
