it at all. It was a little bit of a drive from Gold Valley up to Granite Pass, but she figured that it would be fine. She might have to chain up when she got to the mountain road that she knew would carry them to the cabin that they’d rented for their big family Christmas, but that was no big deal.
The cabin rental was a plan thrown together by Jackson, Calder and their wives to do something special. Particularly for Calder, his new wife and stepchildren. It was their first Christmas as a family, and he really wanted to do something extra for the girls. Chloe wasn’t opposed. Especially since her mother was coming in from out of state for a visit. It would all be very nice.
A very nice Christmas of watching her stepbrothers happy and paired off. And watching the one that she’d had inappropriate feelings for since she was a child be resolutely single, and resolutely off-limits.
Which, in fairness, was nothing new. It honestly shouldn’t upset her. She should be used to it. She literally lived in the house with Tanner. They were in each other’s pockets all the time. Changing a venue shouldn’t bother her. And she shouldn’t be ruminating like she was.
She and Tanner didn’t spend all their time together or anything. They didn’t act like a family living together. They only ate dinners at the dining room table when the rest of the Reids came over. Otherwise, Chloe usually ate in her room before Tanner came in from working the ranch. He would microwave something for himself and eat in front of the TV.
Then she would often come out to graze for a while, and they’d exchange some words about the day, standing with the kitchen island between them.
They watched one TV show together, because they both liked it. Chloe always sat on the chair. Tanner always took the couch.
There were unspoken barriers between them, and both of them seemed to easily keep those in place. There wasn’t any tension between them. Not really.
But there were fences.
It was Christmas. That was the problem. It made everything feel just a little bit bittersweet.
The sparkle of magic felt just out of her reach.
Like it was always for someone else, and never for her.
Christmas had always felt like that to her growing up. At least, until they had come to live on the ranch, when her mother had married Tanner’s father. Here, she had actually found a sense of magic. Something that went beyond the vague disappointments her meager childhood had provided.
But then, that was part of the problem.
Her crush on Tanner was all about security, at the end of the day. Security and wanting what you couldn’t have.
They had moved on to the ranch, she had met him—the oldest, tallest and most handsome of all of her stepfather’s sons—and it had been love at first sight.
He had also been utterly and completely out of bounds when she had been twelve. Just like he was now.
She had never pined after anyone else. Not ever.
She imagined that much like making outlandish Christmas gifts when she was a little girl, before her mother had married Jim Reid, knowing she wouldn’t even receive one small thing, it was a way of protecting herself.
If you went bold, and you went crazy, and laughable, then you knew that you were never going to get your way at all.
She’d heard it said that you should shoot for the moon, so that even if you missed you landed among the stars.
As far as Chloe was concerned, it was better to fantasize about the moon, knowing there was no way in the world you could jump that high, than try to jump over a small fence and land on your face. Or something. It was maybe a clumsy metaphor. But it made enough sense to her.
“I just need to make sure the horses are squared away. I know that Jacob Dalton is going to do a decent job taking care of them, but I want everything in order.”
“They’re horses,” Savannah said, laughing. “Not children.”
“Well, they’re all I have,” she pointed out.
Savannah cringed. “I didn’t mean to say it like that or make it seem like I thought they didn’t matter.”
“I didn’t think you were,” Chloe said, gently.
Savannah was so sweet, and such a wonderful addition to Jackson’s life. When he had unexpectedly found out he was a father, and had ended up raising his infant daughter on his own, he’d hired Savannah as a live-in nanny, and the two of them had fallen in love. As far as Chloe was concerned it was something out of a fairy tale. The kind she would have said didn’t exist if she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes.
“Well, we’ll see you up there then. Calder, Lauren and the girls are already on the road. He didn’t have any confidence in their ability to get there quickly. Apparently there will be a lot of stopping. Shopping, views and bathrooms.”
Chloe laughed. “I’ll see you there.”
Jackson came out of the house then, cradling his daughter, Lily, in his arms. He shifted the little girl and waved. Lily copied him, waving a chubby hand until he set her in the car and began to buckle her into her car seat.
Chloe stood and watched as they drove off of the ranch property and headed down the highway.
She took a deep breath, trying to do something to ease the strange heaviness that she felt in her chest. She didn’t know why her more melancholy Christmas feelings were surfacing. Well, she wasn’t sure why particularly this year more than any other year. Unless she was really so small and petty that it was about everyone being paired off in a way that she wasn’t.
She hoped she wasn’t that small and petty. She really did.
She took a fortifying breath and turned, heading toward the barn, where the horses were. The horses were her pride and joy, the ultimate gift that her stepfather had given to her. A love of horses, and a knowledge of how to handle them. Something she never would have had if Jim Reid had never come into her life.
He had been imperfect, and she knew that. He was gruff, and it was difficult for him to show emotion. But she had always felt like he showed it with what he had. By giving out responsibility on the ranch that he loved, and entrusting his children, his sons and his stepdaughter, with the care of it.
She’d found her purpose on this ranch. Her calling.
Sure, it wasn’t the most lucrative career, giving riding lessons—mostly to children—but it was rewarding, and the ranch was set up in such a way that it was possible for all of the siblings to live there if they wanted to.
Of course, Calder had moved into his wife’s house, their brood of children too large for the cabin he once lived in.
And really, Chloe was supposed to be moving into his old place on the property so that she didn’t have to be in the main house with Tanner, who had that place simply because he was the oldest. But she just... Hadn’t. She had stayed, because while coexisting with Tanner wasn’t comfortable per se it was also...
She just liked to be near him. And as pathetic as that was, it was also undeniable.
She
