Three Dramas. Bjørnstjerne Bjørnson
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The Doctor (turning his head). Apparently we are on our defence, Evje!
Harald. No—I am. I was told a little while ago that I was in a fair way to become hardened and callous, and that I must abandon my career—and that I must do so for Gertrud's sake, too, because she would never be able to share the fight with me. I was told this at one of the bitterest moments in my life. And that made me hesitate for a moment. But now I have turned my face forward again, because you have enlightened me! (A short, sharp cough is heard in the hall.)
Mrs. Evje (getting up). That is he! (A knock is heard at the door; the DOCTOR gets up and pushes his chair back. The EDITOR comes in.)
The Editor. Good morning, my children! How are you?
Mrs. Evje (sitting down). I did not hear the bell.
The Editor. I don't suppose you did—I came in by the back door. I took you by surprise, eh? Discussing me, too—what? (Laughs.)
Evje. You have given us enough reason to, to-day, any way.
The Editor. Yes, haven't I? Such a thing for a man to do to his best friends—eh?
Evje. That is true.
The Editor. To his old schoolfellows—his neighbours—eh? I expect it has disturbed your natural moderation—eh?
Evje. I pride myself on my moderation.
The Editor. As much as on your brandy!
Evje. Are you going to begin your nonsense again?
The Editor. Good-morning, Doctor! Have you been making them a fine speech this morning?—about my paper? or about humanity?—romanticism? or catholicism?—eh? (Laughs.)
The Doctor (laughing). Certainly one of us two has made a fine speech this morning!
The Editor. Not me; mine was made yesterday!—How is your hall-porter?
The Doctor (laughing). Quite well, I am ashamed to say.
The Editor. There's a faithful subscriber to my paper, if you like! (The DOCTOR laughs.) Well, Mrs. Evje, I can give you news of your man, Master John!
Mrs. Evje. Can you? It is more than I can.
The Editor. Yes—he is in bed still. That is why I came in the back way—to enquire after his health.
Mrs. Evje. But how—?
The Editor. How is he after last night?
Mrs. Evje. Really, I believe you know everything. We had no idea he was out last night.
The Editor. Oh, that is the very latest intelligence! He has been figuring as a speaker—he was drunk, of course—before the Association founded by his master's future son-in-law. And he made a most effective speech—indeed, the speakers at that Association always make most effective speeches! It was all about a Sliding Scale of Taxation, Profit-Sharing for Workers, the necessity for a Labour majority in Parliament, etc., etc., all the usual Socialist rhodomontade. You see how infectious intellectual ideas are!
Evje. Well!—I shall turn him out of the house to-day!
The Editor. But that is not in accordance with your love of moderation, Evje!
Evje. It is a scandal.
The Editor (to EVJE). But not the worst. Because, if you want to avoid that sort of thing, there are others you must turn out of the house. (Glances towards HARALD.)
Evje. You seem determined to quarrel to-day?
The Editor. Yes, with your "moderation."
Evje. You would be none the worse of a little of it.
The Editor. "Brandy and Moderation" is your watchword—eh?
Evje. Do stop talking such nonsense!—I know one thing, and that is that you seem to find the brandy from my distillery remarkably to your taste!
The Doctor (interrupting them). When you are in these provoking moods there is always some grievance lurking at the back of your mind. Out with it! I am a doctor, you know; I want to get at the cause of your complaint!
The Editor. You were not very successful in that, you know, when you said my maid had cholera, and she really only was—. (Laughs.)
The Doctor (laughing). Are you going to bring that story up again? Every one is liable to make mistakes, you know—even you, my boy!
The Editor. Certainly. But before making a mistake this time—ahem!—I wanted first of all to enquire whether—
The Doctor. Ah! now it is coming!
The Editor—whether you have any objection to my mentioning John in my paper?
Mrs. Evje. What has John to do with us?
The Editor. Just as much as the Association, where he delivered his speech, has; it—ahem!—is one of the family institutions!
Evje. I have had no more to do with making John what he is than I have had with making that Association what it is.
The Editor. Your future son-in-law made the Association what it is, and the Association has made John what he is.
The Doctor. Or, to put it the other way round: John is Mr. Evje's servant; John has become an active member of the Association; therefore Mr. Evje is a patron of the Association.
The Editor. Or this way: John, being the well-known Mr. Evje's servant, has for that reason become an active member of the Association which—as he expressed it—his employer's future son-in-law "has had the honour to found!"
Mrs. Evje. Surely you never mean to put that in the paper?
The Editor (laughing). They are John's own words.
Mr. Evje. Of course, he would never put a tipsy man's maunderings into the paper. (To his wife.) Don't you understand that he is joking?
The Editor (clearing his throat). It is already in type.
The Doctor. Oh, nonsense!
The Editor. The scene afforded an opportunity for an extremely amusing sketch, without mentioning any names.
Mr. Evje. I sincerely hope that
The Doctor (to EVJE). Oh, he is only teasing you! You know him.
The Editor. What do you think of this? "Those who indirectly support so dangerous an institution will have to face exposure."—I quite agree