As the poet says:
The fart of the beloved emerged delicately
And with refinement, for his food was refined.
This type of fart emanates from people with refined bodies and from eaters of light foods.
11.7.19
The second is the fart that circulates, rumbling, in the belly, and sometimes comes to a stop right in the middle of it, not moving until the sufferer has almost perished, then proceeds with distentionary strength and loud rumbling to the extremities of the belly. This sort causes injury. It is known to physicians as an “unripened fart” and is generated by coarse foods. If it ripens, it emerges at speed, and if any part of it emerges before it has ripened, it does so as an inaudible fart, in which case the subsequent emergence of the audible fart is of rare occurrence. The poet says:
He eats any-old-how all day,
And at night you find his belly rumbles.
11.7.20
A man once went to a doctor and told him, “I feel the collywobbles and a rumbling in my belly.” The doctor told him, “As to the collywobbles, I couldn’t venture an opinion, but as to the rumbling, it’s an unripened fart.” If the wind circulates in the belly without rumbling but with acute pain, it is called colic and is treated by consuming a quantity of wormwood or thyme boiled with sugar for breakfast; it may last an entire day or an entire night. It happened that Ibn al-Rāwandī, may God excuse his sins, was afflicted by such a colic for an entire night and passed the time imploring the Almighty to send him relief in the form of a single fart, but such was not vouchsafed to him. First thing in the morning he went out supporting himself on a stick he had and heard a man saying, “Lord, send me a thousand dinars!” Ibn al-Rāwandī said to him, “You crass fool! All night long I’ve been asking Him for a single fart and He didn’t give it to me, and you think He’s going to send you a thousand dinars?” Then he left him and went his way. For these reasons it is called “low-emission colic.”
11.7.21
The third is the fart that emerges mixed with feces and is caused by the winds mixing and blending with the excreta just before they emerge, the two coming together as one relieves himself, especially if the bowels are loose. As a result, noises that are staccato and non-legato are to be heard, resembling the gurgling of a water pitcher when full. These are caused by emissions from the bloating of the stomach and relaxation of the bowels consequent to taking food that is too easily digested, followed by its copious, rapid descent. As the poet says:
When a man’s in a shithouse all on his own,
The emissions of his bloat will surely be heard.
Thus the man of good sense will pretend he heard naught,
While the moron can have the farts up his beard!
11.7.22
Sometimes a fart will emerge with a delicate sound like the mewling and humming that a spindle makes as women spin with it. Such a sound once emerged from a certain poet and when his companions chided him for it he said:
This is a child of my belly who came out crying,
“I’ve lost me a spindle. It’s quite disappeared.”
And if anyone says to me, “Stifle your farts!”
I’ll bury my shit deep in his beard!
The poet makes the stomach the mother and the fart within it the daughter who leaves her mother and who starts crying and mewling like a spindle on being separated from her. From this it is to be understood that he is to be excused, and he who does not excuse him is ignorant of his state and the poet’s shit will be in his beard.
11.7.23
A fart may come without warning, as when one lifts something heavy, or makes a great leap, or stands up suddenly, but in such cases the sound is not as long as in the others, and such a fart is less harmful than the preceding. For instance, it happened that a Bedouin poet once let out a sudden loud fart, and his companions reproached him. The Bedouin then proceeded to recite the following:
I farted but by that did nothing unknown to mankind,
Nor did my anus commit some sin of which I should repent.
Since all the world’s anuses are given to farting,
Who can reproach me for such an event?
11.7.24
And once two men went before a judge, and one of them stepped forward and made his complaint against his companion and presented his story. While he was speaking, however, he farted, so he turned to his backside and said to it, “Either I speak or you do!”
11.7.25
Nifṭawayh relates, on the authority of Ḥakīm ibn ʿAyyāsh al-Kalbī, that delegations from Quraysh and the Bedouins met with ʿAbd al-Malik. While the latter was holding audience, a Bedouin of whom ʿAbd al-Malik was particularly fond came in. ʿAbd al-Malik was delighted and said, “A happy day indeed!” and seating the man next to him called for a bow, with which he took a shot. Then he passed it on to the next man on his right, who in turn took a shot, until it came around to the Bedouin. When the Bedouin pulled hard on the bow, he farted, and threw it down in embarrassment. ʿAbd al-Malik said, “The Bedouin has put us to shame! We were too greedy for his company, but I know that the only thing that will settle his problem is food.” Then he called for the food tray to be brought and said, “Come forward, Bedouin, and fart!” though what he meant to say was “and eat!” The Bedouin said to him, “I have already done so!” to which ʿAbd al-Malik responded, “We belong to God and to God we shall return! We have indeed been tested today! By God, I shall make it something to remember! Page, bring me ten thousand dirhams!” The page brought them, and ʿAbd al-Malik gave them to the Bedouin, who, when he received them, was consoled and rejoiced and forgot what he had let slip. At this Ḥakīm ibn ʿAyyāsh al-Kalbī recited:
A farter from ʿAbd Qays lets one rip,
And the Commander gives him a ten-thousand-dinar tip?
Some fart, to net so much!
Some fart, to make a pauper rich!
We all would happily fart as one
If that fart would net one tenth of that sum.
If a thousand per thousand’s the going rate,
Just hear me fart, God set the Commander straight!
ʿAbd al-Malik smiled and rewarded Ḥakīm ibn ʿAyyāsh with a like amount.
11.7.26
And it is said that al-Ṣaghīrī264 approached an emir when the latter was holding a salon and wanted to speak but farted instead and turned away in embarrassment. One of those who heard him then said:
Tell al-Ṣaghīrī when he turns away fast
At a fart like a flute playing to the oud,
“’Tis but a wind you cannot control,
Since
