gray eyes. She was smartly dressed in long white pants and a light, pretty red shirt with a green and blue scarf around her neck.
“Hi, I’m Elly,” she greeted the woman, extending her hand. The woman pulled Elly’s hand up to her lips and kissed it. Elly pretended that she wasn’t shocked and smiled.
“I am Ardelle Buche. Eet eez a pleasure to meet you.” A thick French accent was unmistakable. “I love your shoppe. Eet eez so darling, right next to this sandwich shop though, so unfortunate.”
Elly smiled politely. “Oh. They make great sandwiches. They have this meatball one—”
Ardelle waved her hand. “I don’t eat meat. It clouds ze mind as a designer, and you have to keep ze creative juices flowing.”
Okkayyyy, thought Elly. Ardelle looked appalled as Cadbury walked up to sniff her. She tried to shove him away, which resulted in Cadbury growling and she shrieked.
“Your dog zeems to have a problem. Will he bite me?”
I wish, thought Elly. She sat down at the desk, determined to gain the control back from this woman.
“So Ardelle, do you have any design experience?”
Ardelle snickered. “Oh my darling. Of course. I was schooled first at L’École des Fleurs in Paris where I studied under Madame Lorelai. Zen I traveled to New York, and became ze head flower designer for Divine Blooms for twenty years. Designing is what I do best. Eet eez truly an art form, pure and intellectual. I revere ze design properties of balance. I have studied color wavelength and theory. I am accredited in ikebana and advanced composition. I have brought my portfolio.”
“Oh, thanks.” Elly heaved the huge black book onto her desk. As she flipped through the pictures of wildly impressive arrangements, Elly tried to make conversation. She couldn’t deny that the woman had talent, but her insane radar was spiking off the charts.
“What made you want to get into floral designing?”
Ardelle sighed and brushed her bangs out her eyes. “When I first traveled through France, I was struck by ze life and ze culture of it all. The fields of lavender, ze delicate lines of a tulip … it was a miracle. Then, I saw how gifted I was as a designer and student. My teachers revered me, absolutely REVERED me. Zey said they had never had such a designer. My clients ask for me by name. I once made a small bouquet for the Queen of England. Can you imagine? And I never heard about it, no, not once, which was a shame. But, I figured, with all the things she has to worry about … why would she take ze time to call me? But of course, a thank you would have been nice.”
Elly looked up from her book and smiled. Ardelle looked at her. “Are you a designer, or do you simply work here in ze office? You do not look like you have a designer’s physique.”
A designer’s physique? Elly bit her lip to keep from laughing. Ardelle stood up and started pacing the room, waving her hanky at things.
“When I work here, you will want to move my station up by ze window. That way the adoring public can see my creations up close. It is very special for them to be able to watch a master at work. The dog will have to go. Zere is no place for such a hairy little creature in a place with true art. And I do have a minimum that I require for working. I simply cannot make anything beautiful for less than $300. It does not give me enough incentive to even pick up a … a daisy.”
She said “daisy” as if it were the most vile thing she could imagine. Elly envisioned herself shaking the woman.
“Well, Ardelle, thank you for coming in, but I do have another interview today—”
“Of course you do, darling, but I’m not worried. A place like zis could greatly benefit from my working here. It is a little close to the Jewish side of town, but, you know, zey have lots of money. I’ve done many arrangements for Hanukkah in silvers and blues. But you do mostly weddings, no? I feel zat brides are silly creatures; they really need to be told what zey want. Most of them don’t even know what they are doing. They should just stick to making babies.” Ardelle slapped her gloves against her hand. “Not that it is zeir fault. Not everyone is blessed with royal parenthood and uncanny intelligence. No, not everyone, but those of us zat have gifts must educate the masses. Yes. Did you know my home was once featured in Better Homes and Gardens?”
More like “Better Homes Than Yours,” Elly thought to herself, shaking her head. She felt like this woman had run her over with a truck. One rose scented Mack truck. Ardelle pointed to the arrangement on the counter.
“I think I would add some French tulips and apple blossoms to zis arrangement here. It’s absolutely dreadful. Yes, it could use ze touch of someone with exquisite gifts.”
There was the sound of a glass breaking in the back. Elly realized that Kim had been listening in. She needed to get this woman out of here, before Kim emerged from the back. Elly looked frantically at the woman’s lavender scented resume.
“It says here that you left Clayton Flowers last year. Why was that?”
She saw a small look of annoyance cross the woman’s face.
“Not that it matters much,” she fluttered her hands around her face. “Well, there was a girl who worked zere,” she dropped her voice to a whisper, “an illegal. I can only guess. She only spoke in Spanish and she smelled like burritos. She was cleaning ze studio and accidentally knocked over a beautiful pink teacup I had filled with roses. It was a work of art. Such a shame. Well, I lost my temper, totally to be expected after all ze hours I spent on it, and I hit her with a broom. Ze soft side. It was just against her cheek.”
Elly’s mouth dropped open. “After the police left—such a nice and handsome sergeant—Clayton Flowers was forced, truly forced, to let me go. Zey were devastated.”
Elly pointed to the door. “Please leave.”
Ardelle looked shocked. “You are not hiring me?”
“No,” Elly said, and she added kindly, “I just think someone with your talents would be better suited at a different shop.”
Ardelle walked up to her and stuck her fingers in Elly’s face and hissed. “You will be sorry. I am ze Julia Child of flowers. You have no idea what you are missing. This will not be last you hear of Ardelle Buche!”
This woman is insane, thought Elly.
“Okay.” Elly gestured to the door. “Thanks for coming in. I appreciate your time.”
Ardelle grabbed her designer bag and put her sunglasses on and faced Elly triumphantly. “Just so you know, I make every arrangement as if it is for Jesus Christ himself!”
And with that, Ardelle Buche trounced out the door. Cadbury growled at her heels. Elly blinked. What the heck just happened, she asked herself.
Kim practically ran out of the office, with Snarky Teenager on her heels.
“Oh my God, did that lady say that she hit someone with a BROOM?”
Elly grinned, “Yeah, but it was only on the cheek.” She shrieked with giggles and collapsed in a chair. “That woman was a RIOT. Can she be for real? As my mother used to say, ‘There is a mad woman living not in the attic, but on the main floor.”
Kim
