I tell her do as much as you can today; if you can finish your homework on Monday, finish it, because you never know what’s going to come up on Tuesday, so do as much as you can today to be prepared for the next day.
Robert Bovell
I believe parenting takes the collective effort of both mother and father. In that way, a child understands the roles of man/father and woman/mother who together raise the child using a balanced approach. When parenting is one-sided, sometimes we leave out certain components, whether it’s from a male role-model standpoint or a female role-model standpoint, and the child has to rely on outside sources for those things that make them function with a balance in and out of the household or with other family members. So I believe it’s key that both parents play a very active role in the upbringing of the child, whether they’re married or they’re not living together.
The role of parents is very vital, because if parents don’t take an important stance, we then rely on the streets, the church communities, the schools, and peers to play a role in raising our children, and that’s when we complicate things. When there’s one parent, if that parent merges the components and balances the roles of mother and father and interjects that education equally into the child, you can get productivity from the child, but I find it to work better when a father, whether the mother and father are married or divorced plays an active role in the upbringing of a child.
There are things that a child can ask a mother and a mother can give a more subtle or passionate response to the child that helps the child better understand a particular behavior or situation. A good way to look at that is the following. A lot of times when we talk to our children, whether it’s a mother or father, a father may say, “I think you may need to ask your mom when she gets home or when you can find time to talk to her,” and the mother may say, “I think you need to talk to your father,” or “I’m going to let your father know.” Once we understand the importance of each parent’s role, we get a better reaction from the child, and that adds an important dimension to the upbringing of the child.
Shanice Bovell
Well, for me as a single parent, parenting has been hard, but I’ve learned through the years that parenting is as hard as you make it. We all have struggles, but as with anything in life, it’s how you handle it. It’s the most precious thing. For me, it’s the most precious thing that I have because I am the one responsible for molding two individuals who will go out into this world and make an impression.
Parenting has been joyous for me because I have two great sons who have made it so. Even though there have been some scary and tough times, for the most part it has been pure joy raising two boys to become respectful men and teaching them about manhood. I needed to be a good example when teaching them to treat people the way they want to be treated and to respect girls/women the way they would want a man to respect me. I had excellent examples in my father and brother, who of course learned from their fathers, and I’ve been thankful to have them around to teach my boys about manhood.
Both of my children’s fathers for the most part were absent. They were around enough so that their children knew to call them daddy. They have different fathers, and both weren’t the best at being providers. My oldest would spend quality time with his father but those days didn’t last long and visits were far in between. As he got older his dad pulled away and left everything on me. I struggled a great deal, even as a wife. I struggled to raise them and take care of the household. Being diagnosed with chronic illnesses when my children were five and two put a huge burden on me because I needed tremendous help. My ex-husband was never around for assistance. Thankfully, I had an excellent support system in my family. Trying to get financial help for the most part was difficult, so I took both of them to court for child support, and back then the courts weren’t as helpful and strict as they are now. I didn’t start to get financial support for my children until they were in middle and high school. By then, their dads came back around to develop a relationship. I did appreciate what they could provide, a few dollars here and there, but it was never enough.
Dorel Campbell-Adams
I think when you first become parents, your parenting style comes from what your parents passed on to you. You become the parent that your parents were to you, and as your children grow and mature, you begin to develop your own parenting ideas and views, and they may not mimic or mirror the ideas and views that you grew up with. I had many discussions with my mom about this and her views about how we should treat certain situations, and we agree on some and disagree on others. So I think it all depends on the time that we are in and whatever is going on in the world and in our environment, because it’s ever evolving, and parenting is ever evolving. So it’s just what our kids are exposed to at that time and how we choose to tackle it. There are, of course, the base values that we carry on from generation to generation that this book addresses, such as, respect, reciprocity, and responsibility. These are the foundation, but of course, there are many different variations in how we pass along these values.
So there is a difference between the way I was raised in the Caribbean by older parents compared to parents today and with these kids who are all high tech and the experiences that they have. I never had these experiences as a child, and my parents had different experiences as well. So the values they passed on to me were based on different scenarios, but hopefully it’s the same values that I’m passing on to my children. I’m talking about different variations of different scenarios that we have to tackle with these kids, but we are trying to pass on the same values.
Desiree DeFlorimonte
Parenting is an ongoing process in which a child is nurtured, protected, and guided in preparation to become a well-rounded adult. Although there are some instinctive responses to being a parent, I believe that I learned many of the necessary skills about parenting from my mother and through trial and error. I am grateful that she was there to guide and support me for my daughter’s birth and through the first nine months of her life. Through that experience, as well as recalling my upbringing as a child, I learned much about parenting.
Just as many teachers teach the way they were taught, I believe many mothers parent the way they were parented. As a new and young mother, I learned the importance of taking care of and raising Angel through each developmental stage of her life. In college, I studied Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which included being responsible for my child’s basic needs of food, clothing, and shelter. In addition, I learned to provide her with a firm foundation, grounded in the Christian faith. The Good Book tells us to “train up a child in the way she should go and when she’s old, she won’t depart from it.” Throughout the years, this verse was central in my mind as I strived to raise my daughter to become a caring, capable, responsible, and independent young woman. Teaching Angel values, showing her affection, but not being afraid to discipline her when necessary were all part of the course. I instilled in her the importance of education and always supported her in school. I can recall the time I spent a morning observing in one of her middle school classrooms, at a boarding school she attended. At the end of the visit, she asked, “Mommy, when will I be old enough for you to stop sitting in my classrooms?” My response was, “When you are in college.” Of course, I did sit in one of her college classes since I was also teaching in the adjacent building.
As a parent it was also important to protect my child and keep her safe from the myriad of obstacles, challenges, and dangers she would encounter. However, I had to find a happy balance and not be overly protective but encourage Angel to make good choices and learn from mistakes. There were times when nonnegotiable rules that were established were not adhered to and the resulting consequences had to be painfully accepted. I had lots of fun times, providing mommy time while reading to my child, traveling, visiting museums and family members, and giving unconditional love. All these matters are integral to the process of parenting.
I believe I will always be a parent. Even now, my daughter is forty-three years old, and I’m still parenting her…giving
